Wife Swap - XXX Edition

I just hope Vanna White can turn the balls.

(I'll give you a moment to marvel at this picture):


Let me explain.

In light of my near-death-gangsta-bullet-finding-hillbilly-violation trip to Jackson, Mississippi...

...I've come to the following EARTH-SHATTERING conclusion:

I HATE my job.

I hate it more than Lindsay Lohan hates sobriety.

That's a lot.


Actually, I came to this conclusion a while ago.

So much so, that I wrote a whole post about what it would be like to work in the porn industry.

"Shoot for the stars," I always say.

In this case, I mean it literally.

Mooge shooting EVERYWHERE.


But I digress...

...I was mentioning this fact to my friend, Kristin, over Instant Messenger the other day.

Here's how it went:

*******************************

midgetmanofsteel: I hate my job

Kristin: me too

Kristin: can we think of some movie to write or like reality tv show idea or something?

Kristin: there aren't any reality porn shows...that would be original

midgetmanofsteel: NICE!

***************************

This begins the brainstorming session of what titles to have for our...

(drumroll please)

Pornographic Reality Series!

(fine...so maybe that was a little dramatic)

**************************************
WARNING:

Some of these may offend you.

(I know of at least one that offends me...and sh*t, I helped come up with them)

But...as the song says:

"If you don't know me by now....you will never something something something..."

(I don't listen to that crap)

You've been warned.
**************************************

Here are some titles for our Porno Reality Series that Kristin and I came up with:

1) "So You Wanna Be a Porn Star"

2) "So You Think You Can Get in My Pants?"

3): for the athletic: "F*cking with the Stars"


4) for the adventurous: "Survivor - AIDS Edition"

5) a game show for Cubans: "Miami Dink"

6) "What to NOT Wear"

7) "Deadliest Catch" - yep...it's still about crabs

8) "Dirty ____jobs" (hand, blow, foot, etc., etc.)

I'm guessing that Mike Rowe would have more fun on my version.


Then...reality actually set in.

There's already been a porn reality show.

I know this...because I Googled it.

Damn you, GOOGLE!!

DAMN YOU TO HELL!!


I'm PISSED that someone came up with this idea already.

I'm also pissed because I never watched it...

(apparently, Entertainment Weekly doesn't cover pornographic shows...which is now reminding me to cancel my subscription)

...and I had also thought of these gems for alternate show titles:

1) The A-Glazing Face

2) Fear F*cker

3) Squeal or No Squeal

4) The Simple Life (yeah..I know..but it still stars Paris Hilton)

5) Project Runaway

6) Extreme Bendover - Homo Edition


So, I've got some titles.

Kristin and I just need some money and some whores to get the ball rolling.

Interestingly enough, that's also all I needed to get a bad case of genital warts.

Crazy ironical.

Anyway...

Help wanted.

Inquire within.