Further evidence that our country is headed right down the shitter.
Or, in this case:
"Chitter."
In part one of the 'Our Country is Fucked' series, we learned that the kids in my wife's inner-city Kindergarten class think that letters are actually animals...
...and that some letters make trampoline sound effects.
That's just great.
You know, I believe it was Whitney Houston who said it best:
"I believe that children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way"
Teach them well and let them lead the way"
Great words, Whitney.
However, I'm assuming that the children you're talking about don't think that the letter 'C' actually has feathers.
Today's post, though, isn't about the children.
Oh, no.
It's about my wife's teaching assistant.
She also speaks very little English, so you know these kids are in for a great learning experience.
"The United States Education System: Not helping your children even a tiny little friggin' bit since 1997."
So my wife is at her desk doing paperwork...
...and can hear her assistant working with some of the kids.
Her assistant is giving the kids a letter, and asking them to say words they know that begin with that letter.
She starts with 'A.'
Juanita: "Cho..what ees a werd dat stahts whit de letter, A?"
(English translation: "So, what is a word that starts with the letter A?")
The kids come up with the following words:
- Alphabet
- Apple
- Alligator
This is where my wife looks up.
IN HORROR.
Why?
Well...
Here is an actual photo of what my wife saw when she looked at what the TEACHER'S ASSISTANT wrote down on the paper:
- Alfabet
- Apple
- Alegator
I guess getting 1 out of 3 words spelled correctly isn't that bad.
You know...
For an infant.
Ooops...
I meant for a 'niño.'
Gotta get my Spanish straight if I'm ever going to make it in this world, apparently.
Adios.
We have the same problem here in Maine. No one knows WTF the native Maine-ahs are saying let alone spelling. Check this story out from WCVB in Boston...maybe your wife knows her.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thebostonchannel.com/news/21284582/detail.html
Wow. I always thought I was spelling alfabet right....shit...now my kids will have something else to discuss in therapy...
ReplyDeleteMakes me feel better about the prospects for my kiddos. The less competition they have for jobs the better I say.
ReplyDeleteBUT...damn! Really? How the fuck did her assistant get any job? Nevermind a job in a school, with children...teaching ENGLISH!
WTF?
At least your wife happened to look up in the nick of time.
ReplyDeleteNot addressed: why wasn't the assistant using a capital letter at the beginning of each grossly misspelled word? The transgressions just go on and on.
Sounds like your wife has everything working against her. Maybe she should just learn spanglish and call it a day?
ReplyDeleteMaybe you wife could request a new teaching assistant
ReplyDeleteSadly my daughter's second grade teacher who is not a foreign national,i.e.illegal, used to correct my daughter's spelling when my daughter was spelling a word correctly. The teacher had it wrong. This happened several times. I finally went to the teach and principal about the problem. The results? The principal asked, "You mean 'second' ain't spelled secont?"
ReplyDeleteI just want to say thank you for posting this. Perfect! Really it is! My husband is elementary school teacher in the a densely populated (447 people to a house) latio inner-city elementary school. See this shit everyday - they can't even spell correctly when they tag everything.
ReplyDeletethis makes me so sad!!!
ReplyDeletei don't want these children (or that teachers aid) to be my future.
Well I hate my nonexistent children so I would like to send them to your wife's school.
ReplyDeleteMuy Bueno Posto.
ReplyDeleteFucko Douchebago illegalse Mexicanos.
You know, batting .333 gets you multi-million dollar contracts in baseball.
ReplyDeleteto tell you the absolute truth- I've always been a sucker for a Juanita.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought it was bad when my high school teacher left the "l" out of the word "public" when writing on the board one time.
ReplyDeleteWould that book title "Chitter Chatter" translate to "Shitter Shatter" and, if so, wouldn't it be a book about smashing toilets?
Deb: Maine has SCHOOLS?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteLee: Don't worry..by the time they're old enough for therapy, they'll probably choose to be mute.
Adrienz: Chances are she probably spelled better than most of the other applicants.
JD: "Nick of Time" - one of the worst Johnny Depp movies ever?
Discuss.
Mike: Then she comes home and I start working against her.
That's more like a grinding motion, though.
Peach: ..be careful what you wish for. Ten bucks says she gets Juan Valdez next.
JenJen: Preaching to the choir, woman.
Now back up and hear me sing!
Don: This is why some people home school. That, and the fear of bullies and sloppy joes.
Daffy: Yes..the game of 'tag' has a totally different meaning in the city.
Alexa: TOO LATE!! They've already jacked your car. Might want to call the cops.
JustAGirl: We hate your non-existent children, too. I have no idea what that means.
Ed: You've unlocked the secret by simply adding 'o' to the end of the word! BRILLIANT!
No Mexicans - Dominicans. I think there's a difference in that Dominicans are good at baseball and don't wear sombreros.
Mjenks: ..sadly, they practice their batting skills on classmates.
Matt: I'm with you. There's a certain allure about illiterate, unintelligible Latino women.
BuzzardBilly: Sounds like you have a new idea for a children's book!!
I'm not sure if that's the funniest thing I've read today or the saddest.
ReplyDeleteWow. I was actually getting kind of angry reading this post. I'm of the standpoint that everybody needs to realize English isn't the only language on earth ... even in the USA, believe it or not!!
ReplyDeleteBut then the part about the T.A. kind of drove it home. I am sympathetic to the school needing bilinguals, if the Hispanohablantes need to go to English school. I am not okay with them hiring a semi-literate English speaker to teach English.
I think the real problem here is that there needs to be Spanish schools for these kids. But that's years away, with the attitudes people have about immigrants.
Let me hear ya...I'll be the doo-wop in the back. Or the chick who flings her hair around and grinds on a microphone pole.
ReplyDeleteWait...this is choir?
Frankly, I'm thinking that the "alegator" is rather brilliant. This is an animal taht could be milked like a cow, but instead of plain, boring milk -- we could get ALE out of it! That may be the best evolutionary step in the history of evolutionary steps. Perhaps instead of being underqualified, this teaching assistant is just working on the next big idea...Hater.
ReplyDeleteSweet Baby Jesus.
ReplyDelete(Please read that as : Sweet Baby Heyzoos)
I couldn't get past the Whitney Houston's lyrics....
ReplyDeleteWhat has she taught the children? Let's see, according to her recent interview with Oprah, she gave great details of 1)how to roll a blunt and lace it with cocaine and 2)how to smoke crack.
Bob-bayyyyy!!!
That's pathetic. It just brings back memories from when I had to volunteer in an inner city 5th grade classroom for a psychology requirement my senior year. There is not much change from kindergarten to 5th grade, I see. So not okay.
ReplyDeleteAt least you make it funny!
Kys: I would compromise and say it's the funaddest.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome.
Miss.Chief: English isn't the only language, and there's more than one alfabet.
JenJen: You DID hear me..on my ladybug post. You need to lay off the Oxycodone, woman.
Brutalism: You're confusing the alegator with the alecow. Totally different fake animal.
The alegator will eat you, but will have a nice Sam Adams with it.
Kris: What does the janitor's baby have to do with this?
Lily: Aneurysm...ANOTHER 'A' word!! BRILLIANT!!
Me-Me: No one can get past Whitney Houston lyrics. On a related note, I wanna dance with somebody.
Brooke: It's easier in 5th grade in the inner-city...half the class is out taking care of their new babies.
This saddens me a great deal.
ReplyDeleteGood Lord! That's INSANE!!! [but kind of funny in a sad sort of way!]
ReplyDeleteWhat's worse is when people who speak English clear as day -- since they were born and raised here -- fuck it up, too. Even worse when they're the CEO of a company.
ReplyDelete-Joshua
Believe it or not, I think I can top that. One of our playground supervisors asked me this question the other day:
ReplyDelete"How many D's are there in the word tetherball?"
Serious.
Your tax dollars hard at work! WOW.
ReplyDeleteToe: Like, how sad? Are you crying? Feeling vulnerable? Is this a good time to buy you a drink?
ReplyDeleteJust curious.
Meleah: Or, as the teaching assistant would spell it, 'ensayn'
Joshua: sssshhh...Big Brother is EVERYWHERE.
Knucklehead: PLEASE tell me you told him '2.'
Gemini: I don't pay taxe..um...yes...yes..my tax dollars hard at work.
Phew.
I ain't gitten wot ur problamo is wit Juanita's spellin' n shit. It loks fyne to mine own self, and I 'triculated frum the ateth grade n evrythin'. U r a hardass mutherfucker, that's wot u r.
ReplyDeleteHola mooooog, tu hablas muy bueno, mi gusta para ler.
ReplyDeleteNo tiene mucho gente que sabes que Español esta la lengua del futuro de las Americas....
jajajajajaja
AV
You've got to be chitting me. And that is why I do not have children. It is hopeless.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWe could always pretend this was "temporary spelling", which is what the kids do when they're first starting out. But even that would be stretching it!
ReplyDeleteGood Lord.
ReplyDeleteI mean...ugh.
Moog....try forwarding this to your congressman. Seriously. this is some messed up stuff right here.
I am telling you, you need to move too New Bedford
ReplyDeleteWe get 3 Spanish language channels on the cable system in our town. I don't anybody that speaks Spanish around here.
ReplyDeleteI do know people that speak French. Of course we don't even have one French language channel.
MikeWJ: I sense a rap video in your future...or, the next CEO of Twitter.
ReplyDeleteAV: Dude..I put that into BabelFish to UNtranslate it and, um...
What?
Kellie: You have no children because you don't want them to learn stupid things from their teacher?
Then do what I do. Teach them stupid things YOURSELF. Takes out the middleman.
CatLady: Temporary spelling? It's only temporary if they GROW OUT OF IT.
Clearly, this is not the case.
Gauche: My congressman?
I don't even know who that is.
I'd have to Google it and that takes away time I'd spend looking at porn.
No thank you.
Malach: Because it's better..worse...has a strip joint? Please clarify.
Roger: You know people that speak French?
Is she hot? She's hot, right?
Funny but ever so sad...and anger inducing...
ReplyDeleteAnd this is why I send my brood to Catholic school. At least they'll know how to spell "molestation" correctly when we're reporting the padre to the cops!
ReplyDelete