I need to make creating ransom notes my full-time job.
So, I mentioned in a previous post that some pompous jackass lost his Ray Ban's at work then PUT UP 'MISSING' POSTERS all over the office asking for them to be returned like he had just lost a friggin' dog or cat or child (not guilty verdict - yay!) or some shit which prompted me to THEN create a ransom note requesting 4 million dollars in unmarked bills for their safe return.
It's what I do.
UPDATE:
I did NOT get my four million dollars and so these Ray Ban knockoffs I got from a Jamaican guy in New York City will remain homeless.
So now I'm summarily pissed so I've decided to go and play on the guy's sense of compassion for his stupid sunglasses.
Hence..I give you...
RANSOM NOTE #2:
(click to enlarge)
Then I attached this picture with a piece of tape:
Then I hung it up next to the Missing note after noticing that someone took the original ransom note down.
No WONDER I didn't get my 4 mil.
Aggravating.
Cross your fingers, folks!
Mental Poo coffee mugs may be going on a price reduction since I won't need the money as bad!
Unless I also get fired for making sunglass ransom notes at work instead of, you know, actually WORKING.
Man I hope this note works.
I tried forwarding this on to the FBI hoping for some action, but got a response that said they were just adding it to all the other assinine stuff in your folder.
ReplyDeleteWorthless beaurocrats..
Man, your work has no sense of humour or else they'd have had a party already celebrating this hilarious prank.
ReplyDeleteI realize, coming from me, that sounds sarcastic, but honestly I'm serious. If someone in my office did that I'd bake them a cake in return for the extreme joy it brought me.
Next you need to make a mock up ebay page of his Ray Bans with a high bid of $580 or something. Post that under his missing glasses poster.
Bad news...I have located the real "Sunglass Bandit", hopefully he pays you before he sees this!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.selectspecs.com/_resource/_image/info/Image/celebs/barackobama/obama.jpg
Classic hostage situation. Usually the hostage ends up dead. As a hostage taker you have such patience.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he needs another smudge to get his owner's attention. Are you showing the injuries or just talking about them...cuz that usually gets the money flowing.
These hostile negotiations can turn ugly fast. How long should we wait before we all start looking for you?
ReplyDeleteI hope that dude realized now that you mean bidness. I mean clearly. I wouldn't fuck around with those massive scratching devices.
ReplyDeleteP.S.Your peen is probably thinking the same thing as your hand goes down your pants in that pic.
This is going to make the best movie ever. Eat your heart out, Die Hard!
ReplyDeleteHow much longer is the ebay auction...
ReplyDeletedo you take paypal?
Ed: Tell Inspector Jimmy I said 'hey.'
ReplyDeleteVeggie: I like that even better than the idea someone else had about dropping my demand to a bag of chips.
ba_hutch: I suspect he has more pull than I do.
Momma: I thought the picture would really do it this time.
Mrsblogalot: I think I'm gonna pack it in after this one.
That's what she said.
Carissa: Um. Did you say 'peen?'
Ziva: I hope Zac Efron plays the part of me.
Life: I take Visa. Just don't ask where to swipe the card.
Your post is too fricking funny! I hope you get that four mill soon. Thanks for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteWhen do you find time to work? lol
ReplyDeleteJust be glad they weren't Foster Grants or you would not see 4 cents much less 4 mil. Keep on keeping on though...
ReplyDeleteThe picture of the tortured sunglasses speaks volumes. How could he not pay up? I mean, you already gave him a 50% deal. Geesh.
ReplyDeleteI think you should raise the stakes, take pictures of his Ray Bans on really ugly people.
ReplyDeleteOh how you make the poor sad douche bag suffer!
ReplyDeleteHAH!!!! That's hilarious. I like the way you think. Now stop playing with yourself.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Yes, Ray Ban's are fairly expensive but then you'd think that dumb ass would be more careful not to lose them. His loss, your gain of $2MM! Whoo hoo! You're gonna be rich bitch!
ReplyDeleteStoryteller: I hope I get it, too.
ReplyDeleteThat font cost a FORTUNE.
Eva: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA.
Oh. Oh you're a funny one.
Work.
Don: Good point.
Toe: I KNOW WTF DUDE.
Chris: So. Many. Options.
Nina: You say 'stop playing with yourself' like that's ever going to happen.
Funny.
Kellie: I shall buy a VESPA!
Do you use the sunglasses to watch porn? Just a question.
ReplyDeleteLMAO!! Wow! Good luck with that!
ReplyDeleteOMG, I wish I worked in your office!! That is freaking HILARIOUS!! You crack me up!
ReplyDeleteI like your kind of crazy.
ReplyDeleteI did this once with a teddy bear because seriously, if you're a grown ass woman in love with something plush, you deserve to be sent a polaroid of your beloved Bon Bon strapped to homemade explosives.
I think maybe they should pay you more so you would work more.
ReplyDeleteMy husband found a pair of sunglasses, he said they were an expensive pair, to me they were junk left in a playground (why he was there?) and he had to bring them home.....
You are aiming way too high.
ReplyDeleteAsk for a bag of chips or a drink coosie and I bet you can schedule a hand off.
p.s. I hope this doesn't because a blog with pictures of you touching yourself. I like to keep my dinner down, thank you very much.
BECOME a blog.
ReplyDeleteGoddamn it. Even when I'm insulting you I can't manage to type correctly.
You deserve 2 mil just for thinking this stuff up!! Unfortunately I don't have it to give to you...but I will be on the lookout for Bill Gate's sunglasses, this ransom thing could work!
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to develop Internet feelings for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you, leave pieces of sunglasses
ReplyDeleteNever, ever lower the ransom demand! They'll know you're desperate.
ReplyDeleteOMG. This is hilarious. How come when I worked in an office NO ONE had a sense of humor like this?
ReplyDeleteLMAO! You should let him know that your 50% discount is a limited time offer. Every time you are forced to scratch, the price goes up since the bids will go down on eBay.
ReplyDeleteJules: Only when it's live outside action and I'm incognito.
ReplyDeleteKat: It's all about skill.
And luck.
So thanks.
Anything: I crack me up, too!
Someone has to.
Miss Spoken: MARRY ME.
Kris: EXACTLY MY POINT.
Sexnfries: why would I want to do that?
Maxie: I'm gnona blog this shti because blog with pictures of me mordering toop are holemates!
Tracie: Let me know how you make out. I'll give you up to 1 percent!
Jessica: Starting?
Malach: You are my special kind of sick friend.
Catlady: Um. Hello? I AM desperate.
MikeWJ: Don't forget to wear a hairpiece!
Meleah: Because you didn't work with ME.
Nicky: So many suggestions...so little time to destroy the evidence.
Do you think you can get me on with your company?? I'd love to spend my time creating posters and ransom notes!! LOL!
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with the negotiations, I'm really wanting a mug at a bargain-basement price.
ReplyDeleteI got bored from the first picture, but I still wanted to say "Enjoy You!". He...he
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with Maxie on this one, Moooog.
ReplyDeleteIf he still doesn't comply, I'd kidnap Corey Hart and get him to make a video pleading for Dude to man up because you mean business.
ReplyDeleteThen I'd mess with all the computers at work to get them to randomly blast "Sunglasses at Night" to make Dude really understand what his potential losses are here.
LOVED your ransom notes. Also, you must have a lot of time.
ReplyDelete