Ripped from the Headlines!! A Normal College Night for Me

Before I start today:

I've created an audition tape to try and have my VERY OWN TALK SHOW!!

This is not a drill.

Please check it out and vote for me. That would be awesome.

Then what would be awesome is if you spread the word and got me even more votes.

Then I get rich and we're all happy.

And by 'we're all happy' I mean "I am." I see this as a win.

ONWARD!!

*******************
It's time for another episode of:

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!!

* cricket

You people are real jerks sometimes, you know?

Today's news clipping:

*************************
Rottweiler Puppy Eats 8 Golf Balls

BOXBORO, Mass. -- An 8-month-old puppy is recovering from surgery after eating eight golf balls, Boston television WCVB reported.

Wally's owners said the Rottweiler pup started acting weird last week. He eventually threw up three golf balls, including one that was wrapped in a sock.

But when the dog still was acting strange, Wally's owners took him to the Boxboro Animal Clinic.

"Lo and behold, there was another five golf balls sitting in there," Veterinarian Stewart Bleck said.

Wally underwent surgery to have the other five balls removed.

Wally's owner Julianne Bonfilio said some friends like to putt around golf balls at their home, but they never noticed that the balls were disappearing.

Bleck estimated that the balls had been in the dog's system for about a week.

*************************

Jesus H. Christ.

Stop the presses! We have a blockbuster here!!

Not to be too painfully obvious here, but...

A dog ingesting balls?

How is this news?

Isn't this pretty much what happens after Last Call at every bar on the face of the planet?

Desperation, thy name is "3 a.m."

Just sayin'.


Moog out.

****************
Want more 'Ripped from the Headlines?' Try this:

The Pubescent Octopus Box