From: Chili's
Subject: Chili's soups, salad, chips and salsa out the wazoo!
*blink
Soups and salads..out the..wazoo?
Um. Hello? Chili's?
Maybe I'm wrong, but I always thought 'wazoo' meant 'ass' so unless your marketing geniuses want me picturing your soup and salad and salsa and OMG TORTILLA CHIPS shooting out of my asshole, I think you need to fire someone or maybe change that to 'We've got shitloads of soups and salads.'
So, just for my own sanity check (HA!) I went to Urban Dictionary and looked up 'wazoo':
BAM.
I KNEW IT.
So now I'm considering writing Chili's and letting them know that their tens of people on their email list are now picturing nachos streaming out of buttholes when I scroll down just a little bit futher in Urban Dictionary and - I shit you not - see...
..THIS:
Yes. Just above another definition for 'wazoo' is a friggin Chili's coupon for their Queso Dip.
Which, if you've had it, makes a beeline for your wazoo.
Should have expected that, really.
Fuck, I miss Chilis.
ReplyDeleteSo, odly, does my bum.
- B x
No wonder the Chili's ad on your email is for a "bottomless lunch". How else would everyone be able to go back to work?
ReplyDeleteWait...
Bottomless lunch...
coming out the wazoo...
o.k. now I think I'm gonna be sick
Nice advertising Chili's.
Make that bottomless EXPRESS lunch...even worse.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder it's not for sissies.
This post created a huge debate at our house.
ReplyDeleteI say it's a massively disgusting FAIL.
Someone else said "What's the big deal...that means, like, a lot of chili."
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go shove superbowl leftovers up someone's bunghole to prove my point.
Note to self: Never, ever go to Chili's again. Protect the Wazoo!
ReplyDeleteI remember my Dad giving my Mom a really nice compliment indicating that dinner was satisfying, which was, "Well Valerie... that'll make a turd.".
ReplyDeleteChilis might want to use that.
I would expect, as you stated, that increased Chili's food input would increase wazoo output...
ReplyDeleteBut my bigger concern, is the implication that the salsa they are serving me may have come out of someone else's wazoo.
Like, "We have so much soup coming out the wazoo right into your bowl, and into your mouth, then out your wazoo."
Well, you got to hand it to them for trying to recycle I guess.
Last time I ate at Chili's it tasted like it came out someone's wazoo... the other times it made my wazoo hurt as it came out.
ReplyDeleteI have never eaten at Chili's. That's all I got. It is very very early. For me.
ReplyDeleteI just absolutely LOVE the fact that you get emails from Chilis. You are now my super hero.
ReplyDeleteSo if my wazoo gets plugged up, I should go to Chilis?
ReplyDeleteNew word of the day: wazoo. Now I'll be looking for every opportunity to use it. I have to go, I've been sitting on my wazoo for too long.
ReplyDeleteA restaurant named chilli's makes me think of things streaming out the wazoo, anyways.
ReplyDeleteBarreness: Um.
ReplyDeleteReally?
Ann: I've made a horrible horrible mistake posting this.
Thomas: This created a huge debate at your house?
I think you need a hobby.
Vapid: I think that's Al Qaida's tag line.
Chelle: Your dad is my hero.
Kev: Oh, look. I just vomited.
Vodka: Obviously you've never had their Southwester Egg Rolls.
nomnomnom
Speaking: ..and now you never will.
Cynicism: Wow. Doesn't take much for you, does it?
Eva: MY EYES!!!
Sandra: Is there such a thing as sitting on your wazoo too long?
Mike: Ironically, their worst thing to eat is chili. True story.
Stupid, true story.
Anything with "chili" in the title would really benefit from NOT making diarrhea referencing in their ads.
ReplyDeleteUnless you are into that sort of thing.
Damnit, now I am craving nacho chips. Is that wrong?
That's wrong.
Dude, this is possibly the best blog post of all time. Ironically, I was eating (with my mouth) Chili's chips & salsa as I was reading it. Thanks for making me spit them out all over my laptop, yo.
ReplyDeleteFinally they admit it!
ReplyDeleteUP the wazoo??!!!! HOW the hell do they intend to get those things inside of you???
ReplyDeleteI love you out of the wazoo. Not UP the wazoo. Just so we are clear on this.
ReplyDeleteSee, this is why I can (sometimes)sleep soundly at night, knowing you are out there defending us from crazy-bad advertising suggesting awful things. I don't want any part of tortilla chips shooting out of anyone's asshole, let alone the mess guacamole would make. At least it'd make a smooth balmy lube for all those sharp chips, no?
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love Chili's Queso Dip. And, I don't care what it does to my wazoo.
ReplyDeleteHmm... Perhaps it isn't what will happen to your wazoo if you eat at Chili's, but instead it tells you where it CAME from. They're just trying to make sure everyone knows they're "stuff" is organic and harvested from free-range, suspender-wearing waitstaff in the back parking lot.
ReplyDeletethis is misleading advertising: it should read the bottom express lunch.
ReplyDeleteLMWO!! Please post your response to Chili's!!
ReplyDeleteIBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Stuff dumps outta ya like dishwater ... or in the case of Chili's...like battery acid.
ReplyDelete-->I think Chili's needs a Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.
ReplyDeleteOMG! Laughing my wazoo off!
ReplyDeleteHAAA! Whoever goes to Chili's after this deserves what they get!
ReplyDelete...extra napkins please!
They should consider advertising on The Human Centipede.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I went there.
BAHAHAHA this is amazing. Way to go Chilis. Way to go.
ReplyDeleteThumbs up (the wazoo, if desired)!
ReplyDeletebut, hey, free coupon!
ReplyDeleteBahahahaha!
ReplyDeletehuh. I thought a wazoo was a musical instrument. Same family as the kazoo. Then again, I wasn't so far off with my wind instrument definition. But not sure why I thought a lot of anything being stuffed up a kazoo-like instrument would be a strong enough visual to inspire a nationally recognized slang term. This would be another example of me not thinking things through.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I'm not ashamed to say that I too am a member of Chili's email club. I probably didn't read that email though, because I think I would've noticed the wazoo part too.
ReplyDeleteI'm now following your funny blog!
ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com
It's all a conspiracy, I tell you.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been to Chili's in years. I think that's been a good choice.
ReplyDeleteSadly, we don't have Chili's in New Zealand. But we have billions of sheep and wazoos. Draw your own conclusions.
ReplyDelete