The Moooooog Family Holiday Letter
Since it was so popular and so much has happened in the past year..
..I decided to do it again.
Please sit back, relax, and enjoy some goddamn holiday misery.
Yep.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Unless you're Jewish. Then it just looks like a regular Sunday.
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Want more Holiday Letter posts? Then go visit "Tribal Blogs" who is right now doing a blog carnival on the topic!
Edit: Unless you're Jewish. Then it's starting to look a lot like Hanukkah. Or some shit.
ReplyDeleteHo ho ho!
ReplyDeleteSounds like another wonderful year.
Keep poking those kids in the head with your index finger and look into selling your dog and get that lion instead. Even small ones eat lawn-crapping dogs, I hear.
The Pickle Beast of Christmas should definitely be your next post. Unless your mother kills you first.
ReplyDeleteMoooooog,
ReplyDeleteI'm touched. Not by your letter, obviously, but by a small child who keeps asking for more motha-lovin' chocolate and it's FUCKING 10:30 kid. Shit, no chocolate. I'm blog reading. Go play with an electrical outlet.
But your letter? Genius as usual.
Happy Ho-Days.
your christmas letter last year was the first time i read your blog and i've been coming back ever since. apparently i like it when you fiddle with your nipples and talk about your pickle beast.
ReplyDeleteClassic holiday letter!
ReplyDeleteOH man that's amazing! Pre-teen menstration should be in every holiday letter. Enjoy!
ReplyDeletethis is much more interesting than the letter that my dad's wife puts out every year which is basically like the most boring thing I've ever read... every year I don't think it can get any more boring, but WHAMO... I'm reading stories about painting.
ReplyDeleteThe Pickle Beast of Christmas could give Krampus a run for his money. You may have just created the next big Christmas TV special. He could ride around on a lawn-shitting dog, giving out feminine hygiene products to pre-menstrual teens.
ReplyDeleteOh Gawd, I need more coffee.
The only way this could be better is if you include a Christmas photo of you sitting on a toilet wearing a Santa hat.
ReplyDeleteJust my opinion.
LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteYou probably should have mentioned me somewhere in there, but you know... FINE.
Best.Holiday.Letter.Yet!
ReplyDeleteA 22 cal with a silencer and a sharp shovel would take care of the dog problem and a Taser to the heart of the old lady would solve that one. You can blame it on the serial killer next door.
ReplyDeleteI need a lion. Well, only if they also eat neighbors.
ReplyDeleteAwkward and yet appropriate. Well done.
ReplyDeletebest. post. ever.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure that if you put this :( after every inappropriate thing written or done it makes it all better.
ReplyDeleteNow If you and I could only get a thought bubble to follow us around with :( <that in it then every time we fondle our nipples every one would get it.
And all would be okay.
Finally! The Christmas season can begin. I've been waiting weeks for your letter.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait until you have to buy tampons.
Awesome. Thanks for the laugh! Happy Festivus.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if you need help with the tampons [sizes, etc.] and also if you want some tips on bra sizes! Boobies!
ReplyDeleteOh, mooooog.
ReplyDeleteNo mention of that TV station that clearly is in love with you??
So humble...all the true studs are.
Sorry about your daughter.
Happy HOlidays, moooogie.
Have you thought about introducing your mom's boyfriend to your neighbor with the hacksaw? That's an awesome symbiotic (albeit brief) relationship right there!
ReplyDeleteTruly funny. Your sucky life is very amusing!
ReplyDeleteLoved this!
ReplyDeletehahahah
Are we neighbors? I have some asshole that lets his dog shit all over my yard, too.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas, Moooooogie.
Oh my gosh.... I want to write a family letter like this SO bad!!!! Hmmmmmmm.......
ReplyDelete