RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES! - My very own "Twas the Night Before Christmas" rewrite

I was kind of shocked to hear this on the news the other day:

 

Some woman spent $200,000 dollars of her own money to have "Twas the Night Before Christmas" rewritten with the entire section about Santa smoking a pipe removed.

This begs two questions:

1) Really?!

and

2) Can I borrow some money?

So I decided to go ONE STEP FURTHER and not only spend NO MONEY doing a rewrite of "Twas the Night Before Christmas," but to make it:

- even MORE politically correct,
- not biased towards any religion and/or holiday, AND
- modernized

You will see in my new version that Santa is now pretty jacked and not a big obese guy that would normally be charged with home invasion.

Enjoy.

There.

That's better.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc. etc. to you all. Seriously.

Merry Moog out.