Build a gingerbread ANYTHING.
Example #1: The Gingerbread Shanty
My ex-wife was the first to delve into this shitty idea by first trying to build a "Gingerbread Village" with the kids.
I got this picture message from her while they were working on it:
"What the village is supposed 2 look like"
Immediately followed by this picture message:
"Our ghetto village"
Two seconds later, I get this other text from her:
"We were supposed to get 5 houses. instead we got 4 trailers and a tenament house"
And then I died laughing.
Awesome.
Ex or not, she still makes me crack the Hell up.
Example #2: Jimmy the Very Special Choo-Choo
Shortly after, the kids and I, in a fit of my infinite wisdom, tried to build a gingerbread choo-choo train because, well, I thought it would be a good idea and fun and apparently I'm really stupid.
Just before we started, I Tweeted this:
Seriously - I've installed toilet seats that resulted in building evacuations.
Not so handy.
Regardless, here's what it's supposed to look like:
This is what it ended up like:
Um...
Wow.
The resemblance to the box is uncanny.
Then I Tweeted this:
The highlight of the evening, though, was when my kids posed for pictures with the gingerbread pieces.
Awesome.
Nothing like a little bit of Nazi Germany to brighten up your holiday.
Maybe we should have just eaten the things after that instead of trying to decorate them and hearing my kids say things like, "Well..this is just horrible" and "OH NO IT'S FALLING OVER!" over and over again.
I hear that enough during sex.
Happy Holidays to you and your ghetto villagers.
Moog out.
Clearly the little red round pile in the ex's picture is the fire pit that the hobos are supposed to be warming there hands over.
ReplyDeleteSince duct tape, staples and super glue weren't involved, I think the train turned out okay.
ReplyDeleteyou know, I would think gingerbread houses would be so much cooler if they were made with sugar cookies. just sayin.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that your ex still cracks you up. And all things considered, the train didn't turn out too badly, as long as I don't have to ride on it!
ReplyDeleteThe nazis originally built those ovens to make gingerbread, and look what happened.
ReplyDeleteChoo chooooo! All aboard the orgy train!
ReplyDeleteThe train came out very well. You should be proud. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe pile of candy is clearly a candy Vag w G spot clearly identified.
The train looks pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI think I can.....I think I can...oops, sorry...not enough viagara in the world going to help that orgy train!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Especially your son's gingerbread "salute".
ReplyDeleteAt least your wife is still good for something. The monthly payments are worth her derogatory remarks!
ReplyDeleteYou could send a picture to her of your train and tell her it's the train that brings all the trailer trash to her "village".
This was hilarious! I needed a good laugh! Thanks!
A GingerBread Shanty Town! I noticed the foreign language on the box. What crazy @ss foreigner came up with this?
ReplyDeleteThat city looks like a raelly impatient pedophile built it.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? I think your gingerbread choo-choo train looks AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteI love the train!! The village was awesome too. You should have told her to get little green army men to set up around it for ambiance. :)
ReplyDeleteWe made our first gingerbread house this year. My daughter made a cthulu looking tentacle monster gingerbread man to put out front. LMAO
Funniest goddamn thing I've read maybe ever.
ReplyDeleteK, you win for the most original and funniest Christmas act I've seen yet!
ReplyDeleteLMAO, thanks for that...
Moooog, I could never know you in person b/c I'd never get anything done.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd always have pee in my pants. Just a little bit, but enough to be embarrassing.
I do love how you and your wife are still friends. I do.
Oh the red nipples on the front are indeed a Freudian mishap. Gives new meaning to the phrase "pulling a train".
ReplyDelete