My Vasectomy, Part One - Prelude to a Snip | Mental Poo

Monday, September 17, 2007

My Vasectomy, Part One - Prelude to a Snip

I shaved my nutsack today.

Yep, you read it right. I shaved my nutsack. Smooth like a baby’s bum. Except, instead of a bum, it’s a cock and balls.

Now, I know I’m getting three separate reactions out there upon reading this:

1) Guys with hairy junk: “WTF, DUDE?!? What’s wrong with you?!?”
2) Guys with smooth junk: “Nice, eh?”
3) Girls: “Have sex with me!”

I can totally understand all three reactions. The reason I can understand this is because prior to having smunk (smooth junk), I had hunk (hairy junk), and was proud of it. Seeing how long you could stretch out one of those short curlies was akin to the people who grow their fingernails to outrageous lengths….I mean, how long can these things grow? Feet? Yards? Let’s set a record!

What made hunkage all the more appealing was that these tiny little hairs, all curled up in a ¼ inch bunch, would stretch out to 15 times their normal length…then bounce right back like a slinky to their original shape (DISCLAIMER: Kids – do NOT try to walk down stairs, alone or in pairs, using your pubes). What a wonder of modern science! All of this growth occurs naturally….no primping, no polishing (well, okay, some polishing), no Miracle-Gro, nothing. It’s like a chia-pet, except you don’t have to add water.

Plus, with hunkage, you always had that extra bounce factor when having sex…that extra little cushioning that would prevent your actual junk from undo structural or aesthetic damage during the repetition of being beaten, slammed, yanked or pulled…either manually, or with someone. Think of your pubes as air bags for balls.

I’ve often entertained the idea of going pube-free, but never went through with it. I’m not completely sure, but it was either the idea of actually taking the full head-on leap into metro-sexuality, or the fear of putting a razor near my dink, that kept me from doing it.

But then came the decision to have a vasectomy, and it made up my mind for me.

Last thought as a side note...the word 'nutsack' kept coming up in my Spellchecker. Am I the only guy who says this? Friggin' Word...get with the program.


Anonymous said...

One bonus of smunk is that it helps your little penis look bigger... ok at least maybe a little longer.

You agree??? It helped me anyway.

Moooooog35 said...

Relatively speaking, yes - it looks bigger. But that's like saying Rosie looks thinner when she wears black.

Anonymous said...

It's also better for your tea bag partner. Ask her...

Anonymous said...

Hunkage? If I had nuts I surely would have busted one reading your blog!

Did you shave yourself?

Moooooog35 said...

Yep - sure did. Stay tuned - the thrills of that adventure coming up in an episode titled: The Art of Going Kojak.


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