..and this is why most people find my blog by searching "Family Circus Porn." True story.

Bite me, Billy.

AGAIN.

I recently asked people what their favorite posts of mine were and several of you noted that it was my skewed take on that ridiculously terrible comic strip, "The Family Circus."

If you've missed my other episodes of this, you can find them here.

This time, though, I'm sparing you the pain of what the original comic said because see 'ridiculously terrible comic strip' comment above...

..so you just get my newly edited ones.

Enjoy.

UPDATE: 

I had a request to do the "Before" and "After" cartoons - which is why, in the examples below, the first one always sucks balls.


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There.

That's better.

I suppose the next time you'll hear from me, it will be from jail due to Copyright infringement or some shit.

Fuck it. Totally worth it.

Take that, Billy!

Moog out.

Yep. He's my son alright.

Took the kids to play laser tag because it's fun and I am usually high scorer and it's important during their formative years to impress upon them that WINNING IS EVERYTHING.

Except for the 2 times I came in second place. Total anomaly but still okay because I give myself a wide berth.

When you register for the games, you have to come up with a player name. Then they bring you into a room a debrief you (not literally because - hello - CHILDREN) and put your names on the screen.

This is what greeted me as the names were put up on the screen:

OMG he kills me.

Then I went out and kicked everyone's ass.

It's all about winning people. And guyfarting.

But mostly about the winning.

This is way better than a Leg Lamp.

I called my publisher the other day to ask him a question, and he answered the phone like this:

"So, you like the email?"

Um.

Sure?

Me: "Uh..hi? What? What email?"

Tim: "Go check your email."

So of course I ran to check my email because I assumed Kate Upton was asking him how to get in touch with me.

Man, if I had a nickel.

But, no. Instead, what greeted me was THIS:

OMGOMGOMGOMG.

HOLY CRAP POOP!

And then I apparently fainted and was out cold for days because I woke up in the middle of my living room with my dog looking at me hungrily and I had a full beard.

So, yeah. I was a finalist in the "Humor/Comedy" category for the Next Generation Indie Book Awards but I think I'm more excited about winning a medal for it which I will wear all the time just like this:

I'm considering going to the ceremony so they can actually PUT THE MEDAL AROUND MY NECK because this is probably as close as I'll ever get to knighthood or doing something remotely athletic.

Awesome.

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If you haven't read my book yet, or would like to order 3,000 more copies of a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist, you can get it in FULL COLOR paperback and Kindle versions here:

Things Go Wrong for Me - Amazon.com

I Drew a Cartoon!! - Ugh. I hate when this happens.

I drew another cartoon for you people today because, honestly, I really didn't feel like doing work AT ALL.

Microsoft Paint is my copilot.

There's an expression here when you absolutely go nuts with anger and throw tantrums and stuff. Since it is the punchline of today's cartoon, I won't ruin it for you.

But I was thinking about it the other day and, well, this popped into my head.

Enjoy.

I know. He looks more confused than angry.

Can't blame him, really.

To see all my other cartoons, go here.

Man.

I need a hobby.

Perfect fit.

Email conversation about someone wanting to guest post on this blog:

Haven't heard back yet.

Weird.