My wife has jury duty today.
This is, like, the 5th time she's been called to appear for jury duty.
I'm 46 years old and have never been called. Not once.
Although, I may have - because I tend to throw away everything that looks like junk mail unless it's from Publisher's Clearing House because someone has to win, right? Exactly.
Related: I am subscribed to 400 different magazines.
In New Hampshire, they apparently require you to show up on FOUR CONSECUTIVE MONDAYS to see if you'll be needed. This is great because the courthouse is about an hour away and they pay you $20 for the day so it's like getting a raise.
I should probably switch careers.
So we woke up in the morning and my ADD was in full-force trying to get sex by suggesting I 'yell at her foreman in the boat,' 'finger the defendant' or give her 'my oral argument.' Then she rolled out of bed and I kept thinking of things because that's what I do.
But before she left, we tried to think of some ways she could get out of her jury duty altogether.
1) What to Wear
We had 3 surgical masks lying on the kitchen table because we didn't have kids this weekend and we like to get our freak on. As such, I suggested that my wife show up like this:
- Selling copies of my books
- Shooting people with imaginary guns
- Flipping a coin while saying 'guilty,' 'not guilty,' 'SHUT UP SHUT UP'