50 Shades of...what? --- part 2

Well, creating new titles and book covers for a "50 Shades of Grey" series seems to be consuming my time.

If you live in a cave and have no idea what "50 Shades of Grey" is, or if you haven't seen my first round of covers, click here.

Here are a couple of more...suggested by my readers and brought to life by yours truly.

You're welcome.

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If you look closely, you can see that Skeletor is wearing nipple clamps.

It's all in the details, people. All in the details.


Well there you go.

Looking back on my childhood, I think the He-Man cover really surprises no one.

50 Shades of what?

Right now the hottest book on the planet is '50 Shades of Grey' which is part of some trilogy that my girlfriend is reading and has the apparent side effect of making women really really horny so I'd like to ask the author TO KEEP MAKING THESE BOOKS PLEASE and thankyouverymuch.

*ramps up cardio training

If you're unfamiliar with the book, I pulled this off wikipedia to give you an idea of what's inside:

"It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of BDSM"

For those unfamiliar with it, "BDSM" stands for "bondage/discipline/submission (or sadism)/masochism." For those who ARE familiar with it, call me.

Being bored as I normally am, I decided to take this idea and run with it..and create some NEW BOOK ideas that borrow from the name and theme.

I hope you enjoy them.

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On a side note, I would totally read any of these books.

Especially the Grey's Anatomy one if it was illustrated and Katherine Heigl hadn't been killed off in it yet.

"Man buys Axe Body Wash, Waits for Orgy"

I use Axe Body Wash regularly for a couple of reasons but mainly it's because their marketing department still has me sold on the fact that if I use it, hordes of women will just jump all over me because it contains pheremones or something (I am not a scientist).

Plus, I have coupons.

So this is an actual conversation I had with my girlfriend, Kerri, while in a store browsing the display of available Axe products:

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Kerri (picking up one of the bottles): "Here...try this one for a change."

Me (reaching for my usual 'Axe - Music' scent): "HELLO? No. I don't think so."

Kerri (confused look): "Um. Ohhhkay. Why not?"

I then proceed to turn all the bottles of Axe around and point to them one at a time.


Then..I turn over the bottle of 'Axe Music' I'm holding in my hand:



*throws it in basket

Kerri: "Oh for chrissakes."

There's a science to this, people. A SCIENCE.

It just doesn't seem to be working.

Maybe I need to use more of it.

I wish I had more coupons.

Because every dad wants a cookie for Father's Day that mentions spanking

In lieu of a Weekly Wrap-Up this week, I'd like to simply bring attention to the fact that the lovely and talented Erin over at The Bitter Baking Company has put out.

Her line of Father's Day cookies.

See how important proper punctuation is there, people? You thought for a second that Erin gave up her flower instead of a tasty cookie product.

The more you know.

Regardless, you can also find MY VERY OWN LINE of Father's Day Cookies that are both delicious AND vicious.

Like these little ditties:


or this one:



Awesome, right?

Also, Erin has her very own Father's Day cookies which are, in my honest opinion, also very awesome. There are also cookies for almost every other occasion you can think of.

Head over to Bitter Baking Company and order yours today!

I can fully attest that the cookies are all hand-made by Erin and wicked good and totally worth it because (a) you'll make someone laugh and (b) Erin and I get money.

I see this as a win-win.

Enjoy your cookies and thanks for the order!!

This is how I keep myself entertained at work

A while ago, I sent out this Tweet:


Some people think I make that shit up but - in my defense - I'm pretty sure I'm borderline certifiably insane so just to prove it to you, well..

Here you go.


I'm so glad people here have a sense of humor.

Word.