Seven Useless Facts | Mental Poo

Friday, October 05, 2007

Seven Useless Facts

Normally, I don’t write about myself as a person, but I’ve been tagged by TequilaMockingbird to give up 7 true things about myself.

Here goes:

1) I LOVE strip clubs. I love them. I really do. If I could own one, I would. I would name it the same name as the one I used to frequent in Oregon: “The Office.” This is the perfect name for a strip joint, because you can always call home and say, “Honey…I’m sorry, but I’m going to be at The Office pretty late tonight”….and you’re not lying about it. The guy who thought of that is a genius.

2) I have a degree in Architecture. I graduated college with a degree in architecture – but I happened to graduate at the tail end of the Reagan era, where the economy was about as strong as Stephen Hawking. As such, not a single person I graduated with actually became an architect – in fact, one of my friends worked at Dunkin Donuts…designing baker racks. There’s putting your degree to work for you.

3) I’ve thrown a coworker through a wall. In my first job out of college, I decided that hallway wrestling in the workplace would be a great idea. As such, I picked up my coworker around the knees and drove him backwards into a wall. His ass subsequently went right through it. The next day was spent learning the joy of spackling.

4) I’m too short for most motorcycles. I ride a cruiser because, at just over 5’2” tall, I can’t reach the ground on most bikes. The last time I road a crotch rocket I dropped it at an intersection because I had to lean the thing at a 45-degree angle just to put my feet on the ground. I’m considering shopping at Toys R Us for my next ride. As a #4a note, this is the first time my friend has ever been told I dropped his bike…if he’s reading this (sorry, buddy).

5) I have a Boston Bruins tattoo on my back. I was a HUGE hockey fan years ago and decided to get a tattoo to show it. Immediately after getting the tattoo of the Boston Bruins logo, the team immediately started to suck ass so badly you could hear it in the streets, drowning out the muggings. I now tend to cover it up, mainly in shame.

6) I have a severed nerve in my foot. I call it “The Pooh Incident.” About 11 or 12 years ago, I lived with my wife in an apartment. One day, she broke a Winne-the-Pooh coffee mug, which I nonchalantly tossed into the trash. Pulling the trash out later on, I heard the mug roll from the top of the bag down to the bottom…where it subsequently broke through and crashed onto my bare foot making a nice gash. I didn’t realize that I severed a nerve until the doctor at the emergency room ran his finger across the side of my foot – which was (and still is) numb. My lawsuit never gained any steam. To this day, I hate that stupid bear.

7) I cannot breathe out of the left side of my nose. This problem is the result of a beating I took in Montreal years ago. Luckily, I don’t remember the beating. I remember how it started…I remember going home…the middle is a blur. But somewhere in that blacked out middle, some Hab broke my nose in three places pushing my septum so far over that it closes off one side. Other than the severe beating, though, I had a pretty good night up there. I go back every year.

That’s seven. Nothing to write home about, but when you’re tagged, you’re tagged


Tequila Mockingbird said...

wow, i love strip clubs too! man, we would make great drinking buddies!!!

and at 5'2, you would almost be short enough where you wouldnt even need to get on your knees. but your wife might have a problem with that. i dont want her to punch you in the nose so hard you can't breathe out the other side!

Anonymous said...

Tell Tequila that if she REALLY loved you, she'd list you under her "blogs that rock".

prin said...

Oh. Beat up in Montreal. I'll go outside right now and beat up a random Montrealer in revenge, ok? No, I won't but it still sucks that you got pummeled in our usually very tolerant little city...

Why did you have to spackle if it was his ass that went through the wall? lol

prin said...

Oh, you were wearing a Bruins jersey? Well.. Uh... That's asking for it really.

I hope you have tickets already because I think everything is sold out. Who knew such a losing team could be so popular?

Baba Doodlius said...

So this year, if the Bruins make the playoffs (I know, a big if), you can grow a playoff beard on your nutsack.

DubLiMan said...

I wanted you to see the response I had to your participation in my "Why do you Blog?" post:
Very, very insightful and brutally honest. You have no idea how much this increases my understanding of why you blog, and I have to say, my respect for you! I think, this will turn more people on to your site. This won't turn anyone off. In fact, I just subscribed to your feed.

Thank your for your participation!

Eve said...

I am too short for the stationary bikes at the gym.
For my 30th birthday I was taken to a strip club and given a lap dance. The dancer asked if my breasts were real and when I said yes she said, impressive! Thats saying something. not sure what but its saying something.

gram.kong said...

Where I live there is no strip club.However, I used to go to Hong Kong and enjoyed the topless clubs, it can be quite hilarious, all sizes and shapes of boobs.

You have a nice site.Come and visit me at

Maybe we can link to each other.

phantom ejaculator said...

HUGE surprise that you love strip clubs.

come on.

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