Turkey Meets Wood Chipper | Mental Poo

Monday, December 01, 2008

Turkey Meets Wood Chipper

Not sure what's wrong with my wife's kids.

No..no...

Not OUR own kids.

I know what's wrong with them. It's the parenting skills.

She does it ALL WRONG.

But I digress.

I'm talking about my wife's Kindergarten Class.

Before Thanksgiving, my wife gave them an art project to do.

Make a turkey out of construction paper.

Here's what it's supposed to look like when they're done.


Nice.

To make sure that the kids could do this, she gave them instructions on how to do it, along with the shapes to trace and cut out.

She also hung her example on the bulletin board for the kids to copy.

Simple.

Trace the shapes, cut them out, look at the example and put it all together.

Simple, right?

Um.

Here's what she got back:


What the f*ck is that?!

Jesus Christ, kid.

It was, like, three simple f*cking things you had to do.

What you've created instead is either a post-apocalyptic mutant chicken, or the next mascot for the Special Olympics.

Nice job.

Get out of my f*cking classroom, slacker.

See? This is why I don't teach.

Well..that, plus the court mandate.

But, whatever.

24 comments:

Christina_the_wench said...

Ok, the red lips on that thing remind me of serial killer material. Tell Mrs. Moooog to watch her back. Damn.

Colonel Colonel said...

That's a terrorist chicken- see the turban and the mustache? The kid either watches too much "24", or needs to be turned over to the Authorities.

Mike said...

These are the next leaders of our society.

Hey, I bet George Dubya's chicken look like that too!

LBluca77 said...

What the f*ck is that?!

Jesus Christ, kid.

HAHAHA I think bacon came out of my nose from laughing so hard. Poor kid, but clearly they will not be going to art school.

Whatever happened to tracing your hand to make a turkey?

AngieSS said...

LMFAO

Why I think that's the cutest f*cking turkey I have ever seen!!! Course my future "Special Olympian" does have a knack for art...


Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving Mooooooog. :)

mauniejames3 said...

pish pish...how did your turkey come out...they are five for crying out loud what the heck do you expect...I for one think it's cute but then...I think everything kids do cute.

moooooog35 said...

Christina: Serial killers have red lips? Why don't I see this shit on CSI?

Mike: Bush has a chicken?

lbluca: everytime I trace my hand, I get pen marks on my dick.

Angie: Inner city kids get beaten for bringing home shit like this. Unless they've brought home something stolen, too.

maunie: Jesus, woman. Lighten up. It's a f*cking paper turkey.

Everything kids do is cute? Everything? I'm sure my wife would be happy to let the five year old with the temper in her class come beat the shit out of you three times a day like he does to her.

Yeah. Really cute. Makes me just want to pinch his chubby little cheeks with a hot poker, he's so f*cking adorable.

Becky..AMHW said...

My three year old pointed to the pathetic turkey and knew what it was. This means one of two things:

1. My kid is going to be the one in kindergarten gluing together mutant turkeys...

or...

2. We grew up to be really pathetic adults with no imaginations.

I, for one, think mutant turkey is cute. I'd eat it for sure.

David said...

I think it is interesting that the alleged child replaced on of the googlie eyes with a pearl.

I say alleged child because he/she/it must be part alien intruder having flashbacks to the home planet...or just a scientologist.

fiona said...

My first thought was "crucified chicken" WTF is wrong with me?

Hungry Mother said...

Too bad teachers aren't allowed to say, "That sucks kid!"

rs27 said...

At least she didn't have the kids make a snowflake.

Actually I'm not sure why that's bad.

Giggle Pixie said...

It looks like he pasted wings on a frozen butterball turkey! LOLOL

Olly said...

Um...well...the peg legs are an interesting addition!

Narm said...

I'd fuck it.

Mike said...

This is what happens when you stop beating kids. They get all uppity. In my day sonny, if someone would have turned in a messed up turkey like that they would have got the shit beat out of them by the teacher and then sent to the principals office for another ass beating.

Without ass beatings, we are raising a nation of idiots.

E Chuod said...

I wish I was a talented as this kid. I could have never built a bird that well. I guess it wouldn't matter much because you'd never see it under all the blood from me chopping my thumb off in the process.

Malach the Merciless said...

Ok, being an artist, you got expect that with such and open ended homework project, just saying.

moooooog35 said...

Becky: The list of things you WON'T put in your mouth is getting shorter every day.

David: Come to think of it, the kid's name was Suri Cruise. Nice catch.

Fiona: He suffered, died, and was crispy fried in original recipe.

Hungry: They can if they have tenure!

rs27: be careful what you wish for.

Giggle: I get a frozen turkey like that and it's going back to the store.

Olly: PIRATE TURKEY!

Narm: I'll get you it's number. Good luck with that.

Mike: Exactly. Wait...ass eatings or beatings? I may have read that wrong.

Echochoohoo: I see you have a liberal arts degree.

Malach: You're an artist? Awesome. I'm looking for someone to do a tasteful nude of me.

meleah rebeccah said...

court mandate

meleah rebeccah said...

ha ha ha ha

Meghan said...

I think the kid is probably just colourblind.

Kellie said...

Hmmmm....maybe the kid has an extra chromosome. You shouldn't make fun of retards.

Kernut said...

OMG! Dude, you are f'n funny! Tears are streaming down my face from laughing!

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