Would I Lie to You - Part Douche (that's French for 'two') | Mental Poo

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Would I Lie to You - Part Douche (that's French for 'two')

The other day, I wrote a list of truths about myself...

...all in song titles.

Today...you get the bullshit.

Actually, MORE bullshit than usual.

It's like payday for you!

Here goes:

Some lies about myself in song titles.

1) Big balls

I'm fine with this because of my tiny frame.

If these things were any bigger, I'd trip all the time.

And no one likes tripping on their testes.

No one.

2) Fuck Like a Beast

I'm awesome.

However, this may become a truth if the "beast" in question has a tiny wiggly, needs Levitra, and can last only approximately 3 or 4 minutes.


I'm starting to depress myself.

Two side notes:

a) W.A.S.P was fucking AWESOME
b) apparently, I stole the "add a * into the word f*ck" from W.A.S.P....who knew?

3) I Believe I Can Fly

A broken fibula showed me the light on this one.

Damn you, model glue!

Why must you smell so good?!

4) I Touch Myself


Just seeing if you were paying attention.

Okay…back to the lies:

4) Sussudio

I have no idea what this means.

5) Seventh Son of a Seventh Son

I’m an only child.

This is why Mr. Wiggly and I are such good friends.

Aren’t we, Mr. Wiggly? Coochie-coochie-coo!

We ARE good friends, huh?

Why yes, we are…yes we…



My mother, however, is one of 13 kids.

13 goddamn kids.

Way to nail that ‘tang, grandpa!!

Guy musta had some big balls.

Ugh...I think I just made myself throw up in my mouth a little.


There you go.

If you're interested in doing this, have at it.

I don't tag people ever since I got teased in the 8th grade for actually playing tag instead of smoking pot with the rest of the kids.

This is also why I have "a list."

Just link back to whoever you got the idea from.

It's the nice thing to do.



Christina_the_wench said...

It is comforting to know that there is a place where smiling, waving penises can walk down the streets unashamed in togetherness. It's like Paris Hilton's fantasy land. Minus the Valtrex.

It's just beautiful. *sniff*

LBluca77 said...

It is better to have small balls. It makes it easier for girls to put them in our mouths.

Anonymous said...

I like LBluca77 better every time she types something, that nasty nasty hottie.

Anonymous said...

That guy's vasectomy went horribly wrong! My god that's gotta hurt!

Moooooog35 said...

Christina: Extra points to you for using 'Valtrex' in a comment.

These points get you nothing.


Is that legal? Do all women know of this?!?

Mike: Like the saying goes:

Pornographic comments make the heart grow fonder.

Stickman: Thank God mine when horribly right. Actually...too good. I think they're lopsided now.

Bon Don said...

Hell yeah I'm going to "Have At It" ... oh and come up with my own list too!

Thanks for the post filler :)

rachaelgking said...

I dunno, I don't think that guy with the balls is so bad. He has a ready made chair for any sporting event he goes to.

Narm said...

Two things -

1) Small balls make your honker look bigger

2) Grandpa had some huge balls? At least you know where you got yours

Kellie said...

Wow. I was going to say something witty (like usual) but I can't get past that image of the F*ck like an animal CD. Where can we get one of those? Haha.

fiona said...

"your honker"
If Narm reckons his goes "HONK" then might one assume that Mr Wiggly goes "parp parp"?
Fascinating penile sound effects ...perhaps the two of you could start a band?
The Dickheads?

Malach the Merciless said...


fiona said...

Malach is a wee bit nuts...

Moooooog35 said...

Bon Don: Someday I'll live in a world where a girl that says, "I'll have at it" means something totally different for me.


LiLu: AND fireworks displays!

Narm: Big balls make my honker look bigger?

I'm not sure what this has to do with the size of my nose.

Am I getting teabagged in this analogy?

Kellie: FOR SHAME YOU DON'T KNOW THE BRILLIANCE THAT IS W.A.S.P!! Blackie Lawless is/was a power saw wielding God of metal!!

I had a mullet.

Fiona: You could be our first groupie.

Probably our only groupie.

Malach: ?

Dude...More methadone, less heroin.

Fiona: Nice job stating the obvious.

Venom said...


Gotta think about it, but gonna try it, will link it back to this.

Thanks Buddy!

Venom said...

ps? It's called 'teabagging'. I didn't just know this, I had to look it up...
How very sad.

Anonymous said...

I was going to say something, but after reading LBluca77's comment, I got sidetracked for some reason.

Renee said...

Hey I'm an only child too...hmmm maybe this touching myself thing is an only child phenom....who knew?

Katie said...

I think that first guy needs a bath in my sink...

Olly said...

Hahahahaha that guy with the big balls looks like he has got his own bouncey ball thing built right in that you see kids boinging around on - only his is kinda sick...

I'd like to see him bouncing by!

Moooooog35 said...

Venom: Thanks. Tell Spiderman I said 'hi.'

Free: I'm going back to read lbluca's comment again and see wha...um...

What were we talking about?

Renee: We should conduct some sort of study. I'll go first.


Katie: Jesus H. Christ. How big is your sink?!?

Olly: Hippity Hop.

In his case, though, I think 'bouncy ball' is more appropriate a term.

Susan said...

Glad I have now been able to finally access you regularly - had to eliminate adware software...who the fuck knew what that was...anyway, I'm back. Thank god.

Anonymous said...

You won my caption contest.

To see which caption won, go to http://authoringauctioneer.com/my-play-date-with-president-obama/

Colleen said...

I leave for what like a month and this is what you've been up to? Well at least I giggled. And please forgive the absense I will continue to read and judge from now on.

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