Traumatizing Your Kids this Memorial Day | Mental Poo

Monday, May 25, 2009

Traumatizing Your Kids this Memorial Day is Memorial Day.

My wife was home the other night trying to find Memorial Day coloring pages for her Kindergarten class.

She teaches in an inner-city school.

If the kids aren't coloring something...

...they're usually coming at you with homemade shivs.

Sporks can be deadly in the hands of the wrong 5 year old.

So, my wife was looking for some coloring pages for the kids so they had something fun they could do for Memorial Day.

Here are a couple of the fun Memorial Day coloring pages she found:

Happy Memorial Day, kids!!

Here...why don't you color in this photo of a guy who is obviously suffering from depression... he lays down flags at the graves of his fellow comrades... the piercing pain of him having to deal with the fact that he survived the ambush while his friends did not eats away at his very soul until the day he dies.

Oh - look...


Let's see if we can find something a little less heavy for you kids to color...


Here's one:

Oh. Look.

A widow.

Well isn't that fucking cheery.


Dear Coloring Page Inventor people,

I understand that Memorial Day is about remembering our brave soldiers.

The holiday is to remind us to never forget and commemorate those who have fought and died to preserve the liberties of this great nation.

But, dude, these kids are fucking five years old.

Helpful tip in making up your coloring pages:

More flags and parades. Less suicidal and depressed people in cemetaries.

Thanks in advance.


Happy Memorial Day.

And thanks to all our soldiers out there...and here's to returning home safely.

Like this guy did.

Moog out.


Mike said...

I would say that a picture of an American soldier beating down his enemy would work.

Then again, seeing American multiculturalism, little Ackbar in the grade 2 class might not survive the ideal.

Moonrayvenne said...

Yes, a spork in the hands of a 5 y/o is bad, but try keeping them away from high school kids (that act like 5 y/o). I work in the high school cafeteria & anything can be used as a weapon! Maybe the high school kids need to color. Then, of course they'd probably stab each other with a sharpened crayon. Loev your blog!

Me-Me King said...

For heaven's sake! No water-boarding pictures to color within the lines? You're slipping there, moooooog.

Anonymous said...

How about giving the kids some crack then letting them finger paint? You could probably sell that work for millions.

Mr. Condescending said...

Help them design the new foodstamp benefit card!!!

Unknown said...

Ughh, coloring pictures like that would really make a recruiter have a bad day wouldn't they?

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

and the people said amen.

Coffeypot said...

I don't think a scene of someone putting flowers on a soldiers grave will have much effect on a 5 year old kid carrying a homemade shiv.

Now maybe a picture of a family sitting around the dinner table giving thanks for their safety and freedom would freak the little fuckers out.

Donnie said...

The scenes of Memorial Day are depressing. I mean if you're alive that's better than dead, right? Maybe not.
Oh, glad you survived Ms. I'm from there and still there, so I know not to go to Jackson. BTW: Jackson was the "murder capitol" per capita, of the nation a year or two ago. Sweeet... Hehehe. All you have to do to survive is aim high and shoot low. Bingo every fucking time.

Anonymous said...

OK, who stole my purple crayon? Bastards.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh My God! Those sure are depressing for KIDS!!

Happy Memorial Day!

(And FYI- I am NO LONGER talking in the 3rd person)

Malach the Merciless said...

How about some Soldier shooting Arabs?

Narm said...

No mention of how hot the widow is or at minimum, her great rack?

You are slipping, Moooog.

Kapnismologist said...

That's not a great rack, that's a mediocre rack. (What can I say? I like breasts BIG!)

As for the sad vet in the cemetery, That's what the little boogers have to look forward to when they grow up. If they're lucky, they can be the depressed one with the flags instead of the ones pushing up the grass.

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