Little Ball Sweats | Mental Poo

Monday, July 15, 2013

Little Ball Sweats


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There comes a time in every man's life when he has to look deep inside himself and although sometimes this requires the use of a pretty big mirror and some really good pre-internal inspection stretching, that man must decide whether or not putting lipstick around his sphincter and posting the pictures on under the pseudonym "The Real Sarah Jessica Parker" are really worth the effort and potential for internal bleeding.

But this is not one of those times because today I'm going to talk about two sweaty guys playing ping pong.

I figured if you've read past the opening paragraph without going 'I AM RIGHT THE HELL OUTTA HERE', then you can stick with a post about ping pong.

I hedge bets.

sarah jessica is hideous
Just outside the gym at work, is our recreation room which includes a pool table and a ping-pong table.

Why there is no big screen with a stack of porn is beyond me.

My idea of recreation may be different than most people's.

I've digressed.

pussy porn
Regardless...every frigging day there are two assholes who play ping-pong there.

Every day.


And every day when they're done..they walk into the locker room..


They're sweaty.

They're sweaty from PLAYING PING PONG.

Yes..the game with the little paddles and shit.

And they're not just a little sweaty...they're wetter than Tila Tequila in a threesome with Jessica Alba and Channing Tatum.

* blink


jessica alba threesome
Seriously, though...

They're SOAKED.

Honestly this shouldn't surprise me because anyone who has played the game of ping pong (or it's lesser known table-top inbred-cousing version, "Gnip-Gnop" OMG OMG I'm just realizing that is 'ping pong' SPELLED BACKWARDS...GENIUS!) knows that ping pong requires the utmost in cardiovascular fitness because at times you may be required to MOVE SIDE TO SIDE for up to a foot at a time while simultaneously holding a teeny tiny paddle that weighs a bicep-stressing three ounces and if - by the grace of GOD - you manage to actually figure out how to get that stupid ball over the two inch net without smashing it into the eye of some stupid bystander just coming down there to grab a Pepsi because the soda guy forgot to restock the Diet Pepsi (ASSHOLE) there is a chance that the other guy MIGHT HIT IT BACK to you requiring you to start the entire 'moving one foot, waving one arm' thing ALL OVER AGAIN.

God, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

But seriously, guys.

It's ping pong.

So I've got little tip for you (that's what he said):

If you get that sweaty playing ping pong, maybe it's about time you PUT THE PADDLES DOWN AND HIT THE GODDAMN TREADMILL INSTEAD.

Just wait til I'm out of the locker room before you come in.

I don't even want to imagine that shit.


Unknown said...

I can't believe you work at a company that doesn't provide porn for employee recreation!

Vinny C said...

Yeah, I'm one of "those" guys who sweats at the drop of a hat (and I'll sweat even more if I bend over to pick that hat up too). That is the reason I avoid exercise altogether.

Agent 54 said...

OMG! Save my Balls!

I swear that as I was reading your story an Arizona Monsoon hit with the ferocity of Taz himself. Az. Monsoons - lots wind and dust and sometimes rain.

I collect the multi-colored bouncy balls I find when cleaning up the nieghborhood and store them in a pretzel jar on the rail of my balcony.

When I heard the wind I jumped to my feet to save my balls.

Coincidence? There are no coincidences!

ClevelandPoet said...

maybe they're playing a version of ping pong where you get points for sweat. Perhaps they've honed their skills to sweat gobs and gobs of sweat to further their playing.

they are true athletes behold with wonder and awe.

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