Screw Gampy | Mental Poo

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Screw Gampy


I HATE DRIVING.

Do you know how you know that you're going to be in for a shitty commute?

Here's how:

You're on a back road with a 30 mph speed limit.

(for those of you on the metric system, you can go blow monkeys, because I'm not converting this shit for you)

Anyway...

30 mph speed limit.

There's a car in front of you.

It's a Buick.

It's a GREEN Buick.

Me: "Oh. No."


You look at the license plate.

It's a "Veteran" plate.

It's a "Veteran" VANITY plate.

Me: "Why, God? Why?"


It's a "Veteran" vanity plate that says:

"Gampy"

Yep.

Gampy.

Fuck all that is fuckable.

This ride is GONNA SUCK.


Seriously.

30 mph would have been doubling my speed.

At one point, I believe a crippled turtle passed me in the shoulder.

The worst part was that all the while, I'm in my car SCREAMING:

"MOVE YOUR GODDAMN WRINKLY ASS, GAMPY!!"

That's right.

Move. Your Goddamn. Wrinkly ass.

Gampy.


If I wasn't going to Hell before...

...screaming at the top of my lungs at a war-veteran-proud-grandfather affectionately known to his grandkids as "Gampy"...

...pretty much cements it.

Plus, I felt stupid yelling "Gampy."

Friggin' vanity plates.

I hate them.

And Gampy.

Screw him, too....you know, for making me yell the word, "Gampy" let alone yelling it with swear words.

He made me do it.

Him and his damn Buick.

At least that's what I'll tell St. Peter.

3 comments:

Vicky said...

For those of us on the metric system it is 48.28032km. LOL

Vodka Logic said...

I so agree with you, Gampy drivers suck. Blinkers too, they don't get them either.

Ann said...

This is just too funny. Probably because I've been there. Pretty sure it was with Gampy too. Bastard probably drives around back roads with his windows down laughing at the rest of us stuck behind him.

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