My Little Felon | Mental Poo

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

My Little Felon

Concept: good. Execution: poor.

No, I’m not talking about Anne Heche’s foray into lesbianism (although, if anyone would like to discuss that at detail, we can).

I’m talking about how my seven year old daughter tried to outsmart her teacher the other day (which, if you’ve read my “Translate This!” posts, sometimes really isn’t all that tough to do to some teachers). Just when you think young kids aren’t all that smart, they fool you.

Here’s how the situation went down:

On Thursday, my wife received a phone call from my daughter’s teacher. It turns out that there have been pencils mysteriously disappearing in the classroom, with no rhyme or reason as to why (personally, I would suspect the Pencil Fairies…but most people NOT sniffing glue simply dismiss them).

It turns out that my daughter was the culprit behind the pencil disappearances – as she was caught red-handed taking someone’s pencil from their desk. As such, the teacher gave my daughter a letter to bring home that explained the situation, and told her that the letter needed to be signed and returned to her.

Keep in mind this is Thursday that we’re getting the call. The note was sent home on Wednesday, but this is the first we’re hearing of it.

Regardless, on Thursday, her teacher called her up to the desk:

Teacher: “Do you have the letter for me?”

My daughter: “Yep. Here it is.” And she handed her the letter.

It was signed, alright.

It was signed…just…like…this…

(in pencil)

What a sneaky little sh*t.

I’m not completely clear how, in the mind of a seven year-old, that they’d think this would fly. How proud I am of her, though…seven years old and already practicing how to commit felonies. I give her a 10 in concept, a 1 in execution.

Actually, I should have given her a higher score on execution, because she didn’t write something like “Signed: Epstein’s mother.”


Forrest Proper said...

What's wrong with taking pencils? Isn't that how Bill Gates and Warren Buffet got started?

And forgery is a good business skill too. You should be asking this teacher why she hates the American Way of Life.

Then, when she's not looking, take her pencil.

FreeOscar said...

You should get the Father of the Year Award. You are teaching important skills that will carry her far.

Next thing is for her to start selling pixie stixs behind the monkey bars.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i agree with c.rag; it is YOUR job as a parent to teach her how to better get away with and cover up her mistakes.

i was fortunate my mother had illegible handwriting, and with just a scrawl and a spill of coffee the faked signature looked legitimate!

Moooooog35 said...

I'm more worried about when she starts to learn cursive...and use a pen.

Phoebe Fay said...

There's an opportunity for a good lesson here: practice makes perfect. If you want to master forgery, you have to start young and practice often. I was in high school before I'd mastered my dad's signature, but I didn't even start trying until junior high.

Malach the Merciless said...

That one is heading for Reform School

Mr and Mrs Knutzen said...

I love it!!!!! I forged my mom's signature on a bad report card in Third Grade...I spelled her name wrong. I was totally busted and I remember my mom trying to yell at me but she was laughing too hard.

prin said...


My dad taught me how to forge his signature in grade 6. He had to sign my agenda every day and he found that to be a pain in the hiney, so he sat me down and made me practice. Kinda like a kid learning to write their name the first time, only with more scribbles.

Baba Doodlius said...

A couple of things:

1) It's not fairies, it's gnomes. They do all sorts of stuff when you're not looking. See my Bigfoot post for details.

2) Bonus points for remembering the "Epstien's mother" thing - that's what I was thinking about while I was reading this story!

Xtylish said...

Aww, the signing attempt was cute. Sounds like your kids will be master villians when they're older!


When they take over the world with pencil-stealing... tell em Robert Ninja was always on their side.


A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Lol! I love your blog, you even make my kid's field trip later this week sound more exciting.

As for the pencils...what was her goal? Have you gone through her drawers to find her stash?

Pope Benedict XVI said...

Send them to Catholic School!

Eve said...

It only becomes a problem if she is signing your name on checks! Love how at that age it makes perfect sense.

Malach the Merciless said...

Like the blog, you get the Malach seal of approval and a permalink in my blogroll!

Anonymous said...

Got to give her "A" for effort. She has a sharp mind. Which parent would she be getting her sneaky genes from? :-)

Anonymous said...

It's not so much the pencil or the higgledy piggledy that is the problem as the name she chose.

Get her to practice g-e-o-r-g-e b-u-s-h and she'll be able to get away with pretty much anything.

AngryMan said...

What a sneaky little witch. Keep an eye on her as she gets older, there's no telling what sort of evil she'll be in to.

Moooooog35 said...

I'm also holding off on putting a farmer's porch on the house, as I KNOW she's going to be the one sneaking in and out every night...probably by the time she's 8.

phantom ejaculator said...

both of you are bad liars. must run in the family.

Related Posts with Thumbnails