People are weird.
When you have a website, especially one like this that's sponsored by Google, you have the opportunity to check out all kinds of different statistics with all kinds of free webtools. You can view things like what country people are coming from, what browsers they used, and - here's where it gets interesting - what people's Internet searches yielded your site in the results.
You learn a couple of things looking at this data. First, you realize that it's quite possible that you're not hitting your target audience. Second, you realize that there are some really twisted people out there. Third, you realize you may be one of them...
Here are the top four searches that yielded my site...in reverse order...
Duh. This is because I've written four articles on this so far, with more coming (no pun intended) as my mutilation draws near.
#3: Cinemax porn
I'm flattered by this one - really. To be included in the results for a search of Cinemax Porn, well, that's almost like getting an Oscar.
Ok, maybe it's not really like getting an Oscar...more like, considering it an honor when you get a 'shout out' at a concert...you know, when the singer says, "Hello...you motherf*ckers!!"
Here comes number 2...where now it gets bizarre...
My number two top search result...
#2: Farrah Fawcett shaved pubes
..yeah. "Farrah Fawcett shaved pubes" is my number 2 hit. For all those people actually searching for "Farrah Fawcett shaved pubes", my site showed up on the list in the 31st position of the results.
1) Who is God's good name is actually searching on "Farrah Fawcett's shaved pubes?" What are they actually hoping to see?! I mean, I think she's about 70 now, and does NOT look good. Once upon a time, back before Al Gore invented the Internet and Google, sure - I'd love to see that. It was topical. She was hot. Now? Not so much. Shame on you "Farrah Fawcett shaved pubes" people...shame on you.
2) I wonder how much higher I'll be in the list now...I've written that phrase 5 extra times now! Position #30, here I come!
..and the #1 search hit for my site...and I'm not making this up...
#1: Ejaculate while poo
I think this one speaks for itself. If you threw up a little just now, I wouldn't really blame you.
What would be really interesting to know is if the people searching for this topic are also the same people trying to check out Farrah's camel toe. Sitting on the john, wrestling the anaconda, while visualizing 70-year-old Farrah Fawcett.
As a side note, it's also interesting how number two ended up as my #1.
Monday, October 01, 2007