Hey..this cereal is WAY too chocolatey... | Mental Poo

Friday, November 30, 2007

Hey..this cereal is WAY too chocolatey...


When all else fails, idea-wise, it's time to go to Google Analytics and see what your website comes up in for site searches.

The results change the more you write.

Interestingly, the more disturbed you write, the funnier the results.

Here are mine...

(If you missed parts one and two, click here and here)

#1: Hot short guy

Just kidding.

..here are the most interesting searches where you'll find my site listed...

#1: Puff the Magic Dragon Penis

I come up third in the list for this search.

Now, I'm not clear if the person is searching for a picture of, literally, Puff the Magic Dragon's penis (um...why?), or it's some other weird combination of "puff", "penis", "magic"..."dragon?"

I don't understand where "dragon" fits in here...but when you catch some back episodes of Dateline NBC's, "To Catch a Predator," it all starts to fit...


Who knew that dragon was a level 3 and required to wear a tracking bracelet?

..anyway...
The closest thing I could find that was relevant was this link, where a man actually had Puff the Magic Dragon tattooed on his penis.

MOTHER OF GOD...WHY?!?!?

I had a one-inch tattoo put on my shoulder, and it damn near killed me.

This man doesn't like his penis. He can't. There's no way someone who likes their willy could subject it to this kind of punishment.

Unless, his girlfriend's name is Autumn...

...because Puff likes to frolic in Autumn's mist.

#2: Sticky Poop

I don't even want to fathom how this person knows their poop is sticky.

I'm so happy, though, that they're seeking help on it.



#3: Poo Poo Puffs

I immediately think of cereal mainly marketed for fans of scat.

(WARNING: If you have a weak stomach, and have never heard of the scat fetish, please don't click on the above link)



If this isn't a cereal thing, then it means that someone is actually pooing in puffs...

...like little brown floating cotton balls...

...and these freaks should really be going directly to WebMD.com instead of Googling this sh*t.

16 comments:

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I wonder if the guy with the Puff tat can spit fire from his you know what?

For those of you who have a scat fetish check out the Two Girls One Cup video thats on the net. Yes, I watched it....never again! Gag!

SuperSkyRockets said...

Oh god, after reading this I can't help feel anything but acute embarrasment for the boring search terms that give my blog as a result! What am I going to do? Perhaps I'll get wasted, lock myself in a room adorned with Salvador Dali paintings. read Shakespeare and Lewis Carroll poems and watch Fear and Loathing in Las vegas and the Mighty Boosh whilst taking some sort of substance (hmm maybe turkish delight) THEN I'll post on my blog and see what happens . . .

Divalicious said...

Of all things that are just wrong... If I had a penis the last thing I'd be doing is inkin it. I would think there are more fun things to do with a penis than let somebody draw pictures on it with a needle. Then again, I drew a heart on my man's the other night with eye liner... but that's not in the realm of sadistically painful by any means.

cardiogirl said...

Every time I come here I can guarantee myself I will utter the words, "Oh my God." Sometimes you, mooooog inspire the phrase and sometimes you provide a link.

I was curious. I had to click on the dragon link. I found it hilarious that the caption basically answered my question.

Mimzie said...

OK, so I'm at work, minding my own business and reading today's post. As I get to the line "because Puff likes to frolic in Autumn's mist," I simultaneously answer the phone. Let's just say, thank GOD it was someone I knew. Otherwise, I would have sounded like a giggling idiot.

Prin said...

hehe, I'm glad my google searchers aren't as gross as yours. Apparently my blog is the place to be to learn to "spell soffit". But if you can search for it, don't you already know how to spell it?

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i saw a story on TV about this guy who's whole body is covered in disney tattoos. guess where pinnochio's nose is?

Malach the Merciless said...

Google LIES

Simply Curious said...

You should see some of the searches my blog brings up. I was almost embarrassed. Almost.

Tequila. Ew.

Sara Sue said...

Can we get the stats on how long these visitors stay?

Monday Morning Power said...

I think it is appropriate. Your site is gross, disgusting, anal, and a few other expletives deleted.......Oh, and did I mention, AS FUNNY AS HELL!!

You are getting yourself quite an audience. Keep it up!!

BottleBlonde said...

Your extensive knowledge of poo is very impressive. I'd be even more impressed if you discussed, at length, the anatomy of the dingleberry.

Slick said...

You're getting more weirdos to your site than I am ....

Guess tomorrow I'll have to write a vaginal infestations?

Malach the Merciless said...

I tagged you with a meme, this one was fun

The Real Mother Hen said...

OMG! The rumour is right, cocoa puff is made of Magic Dragon penis. Dude thanks for enlighten me!

sxdiva said...

I have been searched "stainless erection ring"? Okay, erection ring, yes, stainless not so much. All I could think of was they don't want it to get dirty. Those search terms really keep you in touch with the penis pulse of society, yes? By the way, your child shall be traumatized when hair starts growing. He won't tell you because he'll think he's a freak, and not "like daddy". They see everything!

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