..wait a minute...THAT'S not nougat!! | Mental Poo

Friday, November 16, 2007

..wait a minute...THAT'S not nougat!!


Inquiring minds want to know, so here’s my update.

As you may or may not know, I had a vasectomy at the end of October.

Since then, my two little scars have healed nicely.

In fact, the little scar on my right nut healed very nicely.

It healed in the shape of a smile.

I’m not sure if my wife has noticed this or not, but – hopefully – it will brighten her day when she sees a friendly face peering back at her one night.

Either that, or it will creep her out, totally.

“It’s….It’s SMILING at me. Make it stop.”


At this point, she only has to look over at my left nut, where the scar has healed into the look of someone who has just eaten a lemon.


So, if you haven’t seen it, my wife made me an Advent Calendar of sorts to tally up my required ejaculatory count, before I have to submit my 26th sperm (or whatever) sample to the lab.

My wife, being the love of my life and the excellent mother that she is, thus put together an ejaculation calendar to help me keep count.

Okay..maybe the words "mother" and "ejaculation" don't belong in the same sentence...

But I digress...

Anyway, after each successful, um, “purge”, I get to eat a "3 Musketeers" bar!

(By the way, I’m now just realizing that “Tally-Whacker Calendar” would have been a great name for that thing)


I’m down 9 candy bars thus far.

(how I’ve gotten there is not important…but you can purchase the video if you’re interested - major credit cards or PayPal accepted)

..okay..back to the story..

My problem though is that:

I’m not always in the mood for chocolate.

As such, I’ll let a few times go by before I’d actually get around to digging into the calendar for the candy.

This was news to my wife, who thought I was diving into the candy as soon as I was done.

She discovered this by looking at the calendar one evening before going out with her friends, and noticed that 6 candy bars were gone.

The next morning when she woke up, 3 more candy bars had disappeared from the calendar.

She assumed, then, that as soon as she had walked out the door and I had put the kids to bed, that out came Mr. Winky in a two-hour masturbatory celebration of epic proportions:


…resulting in the culmination of me – sitting on the couch, exhausted – covered in tissues and candy bar wrappers.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

I waited at LEAST 10 minutes after I put the kids to bed.

God forbid they find out I’m eating chocolate without them.

28 comments:

Hungry Mother said...

I resent your giving away secrets about what happens when the wife leaves the house. Shhhhhhh...

Elise said...

God forbid you kids find the calender: "What does ejaculation mean daddy?"

Your wife has quite a sense of humour though... xx

Malach the Merciless said...

I just could not masturbate that much in that short of time

Sara Sue said...

Gorgeous nuts! Even the not so happy faced one.

clairec23 said...

The picture of the second ball is quite disturbing...

moooooog35 said...

Please note that those are not my actual cojones...I'm using a body double in order to maintain my anonymity.

Claire - you're right...Mr. Leftnut does look a little testy.

Thank you! I'm here all week! Try the veal!

Skryker said...

LOL!!!!!!!

I read your blog as early as I can in my workday. A good belly-laugh is a nice way to start work. Thanks!

Prin said...

hehehe... :D I missed the advent calendar post. Lucky for me, you brought it to my attention. :D

Cindy Breninger said...

The part of the smiley face cracked me up! :) hehe
Cindy
www.adayinthelifeofcindy.blogspot.com
:)
:)
:)

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

On this topic, the visuals were completely...unnecessary.

Looks like you are keeping up with the shaving. Kudos!

Mimzie said...

Please, please, please tell me that this is your actual nutsack. Please!!!

Either way, you made me spit Diet Dr. Pepper on the monitor from laughing so hard!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Nutalicious!!!!!!!

Me first! Me first! ***Waving my credit card in the air***

moooooog35 said...

As previously mentioned, I do none of my own stunts so, no, those aren't mine.

On a related note, it's amazing what you can find on Google Images.

The face, though, IS mine...although it does bear a remarkable resemblance to Mr. Jolie, I must admit.

sxdiva said...

You're the real nuts in this story, not your scrotum. What did the nurse say? Please tell the nurse and let me know her response, okay? Make sure the doctor puts that on your chart too. This has the entire making of a sitcom to rival Seinfeld.

The Chick said...

That is a goood woman you've got there! But I suspect you know that already....

Titania Starlight said...

Sorry about that left ball. Poor thing. Your pics are always kill me. I put my soda to the side when I know I am coming by to visit you. I just bought a new keyboard and wish not to spew all over it.

I see someone asked if those balls were yours. I was curious about that too.

Thanks for a heaping dose of laughter today. ;o)~

Christina said...

Oh my dear Gods!!! The last thing I ever expected to see upon visiting a new blog is a shot of someone's nuts! LOL

And to top it off, my computer froze at the shots for a full 20 seconds when I tried to scroll down WITH THE KIDS IN THE ROOM! *chuckle*

Thanks for the laughs, I'll be back.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

WOW! You have a smiley face hand AND ball!

Monday Morning Power said...

I have something for you. http://mondaymorningpower.blogspot.com/2007/11/thanksgiving-thank-you.html

Biscuit said...

It took me a bit to figure out what nougat had to do with anything...

And, Malach, you just need practice, that's all.

Colonel Colonel said...

You really need to market those calendars. Maybe Malach could do a viral U-Tube video for them...

Speak Sexy said...

Hi Moooog! I finally made it over from Nelli's blog to check yours out and wow am I happy I did. No wonder Nelli's always over here! You sound like you have a fantastic, open, and fun relationship with your wife. It's a rare thing, so you should feel very lucky - as I'm sure you do. Thanks so much for the laughs, and I'll certainly be back.

Slick said...

All this chocolate eating and masturbating??

I kind of regret making my wife seal the deal by getting herself "done up" instead of me, now...

I missed out on some fun it sounds like.

The Real Mother Hen said...

OMG you are so funny!
Ok can I see your smiley in person now?

Joeprah said...

You should of chose larger stunt testicles to fill in for yours otherwise why not just use your mangled nastiness? LOL stuff as always.

mauniejames3 said...

yech...too much information...I would rather not know what hubby does when I leave the house,,,I thought he was just resting on the couch and eating goodies...

moooooog35 said...

I realize now that the wife probably should have used something like "Water" or some other low-calorie thing on there.

I think I'm actually beginning to gain weight from wrestling with myself.

Nellioness said...

Ha ha ha :) I always visit your blog to get in the gooood mooood :)

Thanx!

Glad to hear you're feeling so great after vasectomy!

Related Posts with Thumbnails