Inquiring minds want to know, so here’s my update.
As you may or may not know, I had a vasectomy at the end of October.
Since then, my two little scars have healed nicely.
In fact, the little scar on my right nut healed very nicely.
It healed in the shape of a smile.
I’m not sure if my wife has noticed this or not, but – hopefully – it will brighten her day when she sees a friendly face peering back at her one night.
Either that, or it will creep her out, totally.
“It’s….It’s SMILING at me. Make it stop.”
At this point, she only has to look over at my left nut, where the scar has healed into the look of someone who has just eaten a lemon.
So, if you haven’t seen it, my wife made me an Advent Calendar of sorts to tally up my required ejaculatory count, before I have to submit my 26th sperm (or whatever) sample to the lab.
My wife, being the love of my life and the excellent mother that she is, thus put together an ejaculation calendar to help me keep count.
Okay..maybe the words "mother" and "ejaculation" don't belong in the same sentence...
But I digress...
Anyway, after each successful, um, “purge”, I get to eat a "3 Musketeers" bar!
(By the way, I’m now just realizing that “Tally-Whacker Calendar” would have been a great name for that thing)
I’m down 9 candy bars thus far.
(how I’ve gotten there is not important…but you can purchase the video if you’re interested - major credit cards or PayPal accepted)
..okay..back to the story..
My problem though is that:
I’m not always in the mood for chocolate.
As such, I’ll let a few times go by before I’d actually get around to digging into the calendar for the candy.
This was news to my wife, who thought I was diving into the candy as soon as I was done.
She discovered this by looking at the calendar one evening before going out with her friends, and noticed that 6 candy bars were gone.
The next morning when she woke up, 3 more candy bars had disappeared from the calendar.
She assumed, then, that as soon as she had walked out the door and I had put the kids to bed, that out came Mr. Winky in a two-hour masturbatory celebration of epic proportions:
…resulting in the culmination of me – sitting on the couch, exhausted – covered in tissues and candy bar wrappers.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
I waited at LEAST 10 minutes after I put the kids to bed.
God forbid they find out I’m eating chocolate without them.