"You're igging me out"
That's what the mention or sight of the word "poo" does to him.
It "iggs" him out.
I realized, based on one of my friends’ reactions to my posts, that there are words in the English language that simply make you uncomfortable.
I’m not talking about the dreaded “c-word” for you ladies ("cooking"), or the “n-word”, either ("nookie").
I’m talking about normal, everyday words that just tend to freak people out.
My friend, in particular, reacted violently over Instant Messenger with me for using the word “poo” in my blogs – including, but not limited to, my blog title.
He does not like the word “poo”.
Not even a little.
The word makes him, and I quote, “get all igged out”.
He’s flipping out right now…changing to another page…I just know it.
I only know of one word that has this same, bone-chilling effect on me, and always has:
I HATE the word “meat.”
I hate reading the word.
I hate hearing the word.
I avoid trying to say it whenever possible.
The vision I have of my own personal Hell is as follows:
I’m sitting in a room filled with a million Rachael Ray clones (totally bang-able…but can she PLEASE JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP), while she’s holding a gun to my head yelling, “Say the word ‘meat’!” over and over and over again...
...and I'm forced to sit there...
To which she responds:
"YUMMO! DELISH! Now, bitch...SAY THE WORD 'MEAT!'"
...as she slaps me across the face with a celery stick.
This repeats and goes on for infinity.
(I realize that this may be someone else's Heaven...but to each his own)
There’s just something about it that makes me feel icky.
I have no idea what it is.
My disdain for this word renders the fantastically awesome movie “Rocky” for me barely watchable.
Here are some reasons:
1) He works at a meat-packing plant, which eventually becomes his sponsor. The word "meat" is plastered EVERYWHERE. You can't help but read it.
2) He practices by punching meat (as opposed to beating meat, which is a different blog entry I have)
Because of these story points, the word “meat” is said no less than 5000 times during the course of the movie.
Easily 5000 times.
I tried thumbing through the Rocky script and count them all, but seeing it so often made me throw up a little in my mouth.
The use of this horrific word in the Rocky movie includes, but is not limited to, the scene where Adrian wants to have sex with Rocky.
However, it’s before a fight (this is why I don't box professionally)...so there’s this exchange:
Rocky: “Why don't you just make the meat, OK?”
Adrian: “OK, I'll make the meat.”
No..Noo..Noooooooo!!!! STOP SAYING THE WORD!
Here we have a tender scene where Rocky makes clear to Adrian that his choice is to try hard to be the champion and be all that he believes he can (instead of giving her a Dirty Sanchez)…
...and I can’t even watch it without hitting the f*cking mute button.
And all because of that stupid, hateful word.
Did they really have to use the word here in two consecutive sentences? Couldn’t they give me a one-sentence break on it?!
I can’t even stand WRITING it…because it forces me to say it to myself in my head.
(which sucks, because the other voices in my head don't like the word either...and they start fighting...and there's down from the pillows floating around in there...and tops come off...and then John Madden shows up...and everyone is yelling "MEAT!"...and it's just a big f*cking mess in my head)
Anyway – just a random blog with no real reason to it.
A Mental Poo blog that’s all full of poo, you might say.
…my friend is SO wanting to kick my ass right now.