The "M" Word | Mental Poo

Friday, December 07, 2007

The "M" Word


"You're igging me out"


That's what the mention or sight of the word "poo" does to him.

It "iggs" him out.

I realized, based on one of my friends’ reactions to my posts, that there are words in the English language that simply make you uncomfortable.

I’m not talking about the dreaded “c-word” for you ladies ("cooking"), or the “n-word”, either ("nookie").

I’m talking about normal, everyday words that just tend to freak people out.

My friend, in particular, reacted violently over Instant Messenger with me for using the word “poo” in my blogs – including, but not limited to, my blog title.

He does not like the word “poo”.

Not even a little.

The word makes him, and I quote, “get all igged out”.

Poo.


He’s flipping out right now…changing to another page…I just know it.

I only know of one word that has this same, bone-chilling effect on me, and always has:

MEAT.

Meat.

I HATE the word “meat.”

I hate reading the word.

I hate hearing the word.

I avoid trying to say it whenever possible.


The vision I have of my own personal Hell is as follows:

I’m sitting in a room filled with a million Rachael Ray clones (totally bang-able…but can she PLEASE JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP), while she’s holding a gun to my head yelling, “Say the word ‘meat’!” over and over and over again...

...and I'm forced to sit there...

"...ma..mamamam...mm..mmm...meat...?"


To which she responds:

"YUMMO! DELISH! Now, bitch...SAY THE WORD 'MEAT!'"

...as she slaps me across the face with a celery stick.

This repeats and goes on for infinity.


(I realize that this may be someone else's Heaven...but to each his own)

Meat.

There’s just something about it that makes me feel icky.

I have no idea what it is.

My disdain for this word renders the fantastically awesome movie “Rocky” for me barely watchable.

Why?

Here are some reasons:

1) He works at a meat-packing plant, which eventually becomes his sponsor. The word "meat" is plastered EVERYWHERE. You can't help but read it.

2) He practices by punching meat (as opposed to beating meat, which is a different blog entry I have)


Because of these story points, the word “meat” is said no less than 5000 times during the course of the movie.

Easily 5000 times.

I tried thumbing through the Rocky script and count them all, but seeing it so often made me throw up a little in my mouth.


The use of this horrific word in the Rocky movie includes, but is not limited to, the scene where Adrian wants to have sex with Rocky.

However, it’s before a fight (this is why I don't box professionally)...so there’s this exchange:

Rocky:Why don't you just make the meat, OK?

Adrian:OK, I'll make the meat.”

No..Noo..Noooooooo!!!!
STOP SAYING THE WORD!

Here we have a tender scene where Rocky makes clear to Adrian that his choice is to try hard to be the champion and be all that he believes he can (instead of giving her a Dirty Sanchez)…

...and I can’t even watch it without hitting the f*cking mute button.

And all because of that stupid, hateful word.


Did they really have to use the word here in two consecutive sentences? Couldn’t they give me a one-sentence break on it?!

Meat.

I can’t even stand WRITING it…because it forces me to say it to myself in my head.

(which sucks, because the other voices in my head don't like the word either...and they start fighting...and there's down from the pillows floating around in there...and tops come off...and then John Madden shows up...and everyone is yelling "MEAT!"...and it's just a big f*cking mess in my head)


..sorry.

Anyway – just a random blog with no real reason to it.

A Mental Poo blog that’s all full of poo, you might say.

…my friend is SO wanting to kick my ass right now.

Poo.

26 comments:

Hungry Mother said...

I think you're on to a great idea: getting at people by finding THAT word. I can't stand the word, "moderation." My wife can't stand the word, "tofu." I'm guessing that Cheney can't stand the word, "sunshine."

Zexk said...

Ahaha, nice!

My blog (it's new):
http://zexk.blogspot.com

Malach the Merciless said...

MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO MEATY POO

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Does "meaty poo" bother either of you?

I think that would be a great pet name for the love of your life..... "Oooooh Meaty Poo I'm in the bed waiting for you!"

Sounds kinda sexy doesn't it?

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Hey, you feel a the same about meat as I feel about "making love". Making love is what virgins call it so they don't feel guilty when they decide to become ex-virgins and regret it.

AngryMan said...

You would think just being around a multitude of Rachel Ray's would be hell by itself. I don't have anything against her, but her perkiness can be sort of a drag.

moooooog35 said...

"Meaty poo" sounds like my bowel movement after eating at the Outback.

AGABAM: I thought "making love" was the term for blowing up my inflatable girl.

"Whatcha doing there?"

Me (huffing): "Making love. She's almost done."

Hometown: Toronto, Canada said...

You're brilliant! Absolutely hilarious in a Mental Pooey way. I just loved the addition of the multiple Rachel Ray's.

I look forward to reading your future blogs! :D

Mimzie said...

I have a friend who can't hear the words "panties" or "titties" without freaking out.

PS
MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!MEAT!

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

yeah mimzie - panties is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Give me the low class "chonies" or my mom's puritan-ish "undies" or pretty much anything but "panties". Or skip them altogether. :D

Divalicious said...

Oh my. I never thought about it. I hate the following words for no particular reason:
- Cock. eww, ugly word.
- Hand cream... it's lotion, call it that.

Rachael Ray is adorable. She smiles all the damn time.

Frederick said...

Very cool

Tequila Mockingbird said...

i think you need one of these; i know it's the WORD meat, but come on... beef curtain?

Skryker said...

I had a friend who couldn't say breast. He just couldn't. He'd order a chicken tit in a restaurant.

Waitresses don't like that. ;)

billymac said...

I would totally watch Rocky again if he gave Adrian a "dirty sanchez", or even a "chili dog", or "donkey kick", i'm easy like that.

A Girl, A Boy, and Me said...

Hey, I put the word "meat" on my blog in your honor. Just thinking about you...

lol

Crys said...

I'm not too fond of the word sausage. It's just too MEATy for my tastes.

Linda and her Surroundings said...

I loathe the word Soy. It is everywhere. Implies good health and hormones. Tastes awful. Looks nasty.

Mike said...

Has any one noticed that Rachel Ray is meaty herself?

Wouldn't that make an extra horrible hell?

BottleBlonde said...

Poo doesn't bother me. Meat doesn't bother me, either. I especially love 'man meat'.

Crotch. Now that shit bothers me. I've always had a secret hatred for the word.

Colonel Colonel said...

Sorry, I wasn't listening to anything after 'Rachel Ray' She's a DELISH DISH.

[Un]Censored said...

I hate the word Skeet. I'm not sure why...

Michelle Hix said...

Do you eat meat?

moooooog35 said...

Michelle: I love (LOVE) to eat "M". Early on in this blog experience, I wrote a rant on Vegetarians:

http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com/2007/09/vegetarians-other-white-meat.html

..so, yes...I LOVE it...but doesn't mean I enjoy ordering it.

Colonel: I agree with you up until she starts talking. At which point, I just want to slug her.

Bruce, a work in progress said...

Yummie (I'm not saying you're yummie, that's the word). Like when a grown woman looks at a picture of a hot guy and says "yummie". All I can think is, what are you, like, 14? If I were in a bar with a buddy and a hot girl walked by and he said "yummie" I'd smack him in the fuckin' head.
The word I really can't stand to hear is "Ni!". Makes me want to run out and buy a shrubery.

Prin said...

Really? How did you manage to blog a whole blog about a word you hate? Will it mysteriously disappear eventually? Will I comment anything that's not a question here?

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