Centennial Almost Sounds Like "Scented Anal" | Mental Poo

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Centennial Almost Sounds Like "Scented Anal"


Poo, balls and a fat guy who eats his fingernails.

No, no...

...it's not the plot of the next Fox sitcom.

(although, it COULD be...I'm sending a rough script to the studio NOW)


These are some of the things I've shared with you all through my first 100 posts.

I think my hundredth post was yesterday...

...although, I'm not sure, as I have a bunch of drafts saved up, and counting backwards isn't my strong suit.

(that skill is my uncanny ability to make my wife's eyes roll in disgust)


I've also discovered "Microsoft Paint"...

...which kind of helps show you what the Hell is going on in my head...

...and will also assist my therapists in prescribing the correct medication.

So...just a short post today to say "Thanks" to you sick bastards who have validated my narcissism.


To recap on some of the articles, here's what I've covered so far (in chronological order):

Shaving my Balls
This was a prelude to my "Vasectomy" postings...which, strangely enough, continue to this very day.

I just can't stop writing about my love sack.


My First Motorcycle Post
Alternate title: "Why the F*CK is there a bookcase in the F*CKING ROAD?!?!"

This also kicked off a short list of "Motorcycle" posts including a graphic description of having a hornet crawl into my skull.


My "Raisins are People" article.
This was my first article about kids. This was also my first article describing how much fun it is to lie to children.

Really.

Try it at home if you don't do it already.

You'll thank me.


Poop.

Poop articles.

What good is a blog named "Mental Poo" if you can't discuss number two, and number two related items.

My first one was about people who talk to you in the bathroom.

Dinks.

Just shut the f*ck up in there.

You'll also see in there that the article "Riding my Bike Through the Hershey Highway" is the first time I tell you that I was a fat kid.

...and that I sh*t myself once in a hideous display of explosive diarrhea.

Sometimes, I say too much.


My first "Jobs" article was "Tonight's Special: E-Coli" - a heartwarming tale about why you shouldn't eat in a restaurant.

...under any circumstances.

...but if you do, DON'T get the SPECIAL!


My first "Sex" article was called "F*ck 'Em, S*ck 'Em Robots" - and includes a wonderfully done picture of a toy with a ball-gag in it's mouth.

It's how I roll.


Needles suck ass.
That's all I have to say about those.

Barry.
He defies description. You just have to read them.


Anyway - just another thanks to you all.

Hopefully, enough horror continues to follow me through my life, and you continue to think it's funny.

I'm considering doing an "Ask Moog" section of this blog for the future.

However, I've noticed that no one asks for my advice on ANYTHING.

I'm guessing that this is either:

(a) because it's obvious that I have really, really sh*tty judgement or

(b) I'll just tell you to go screw, anyway.

That one's a tossup.

Moog out.

25 comments:

Biscuit said...

You're still posting about your vasectomy, or you're still shaving your balls? Or both?

moooooog35 said...

I'm posting about my vasectomy-shaven-gonads.

These topics just won't go away.

cookiebitch said...

Congratulations on 100 hilarious posts. Most blogs celebrate 1 out of 100 being hilarious, so you're way ahead of the pack.

Malicious Intent said...

Keep rolling...and shaving, and moooooging all over the place.
I think a Dear Moog column would be awesome. I know I would come to you seeking advise on important issues such as:
1.) Duct tape or no duct tape?
2.) Do we really need to feed our children?
3.) Is there such a thing as vibrator etiquette?

So many questions, and someone needs to give answers.

wolf said...

Congrats on 100. I obviously have much back-reading to do.

Skryker said...

Congrats on 100 laugh out loud funny posts!

Mike said...

Dear ask moog.

Who thinks poo is funnier, me or you?

Sincerely,

Spazoid.

Preposterous Ponderings said...

Congratulations on 100 posts buddy boy!

Because of you,and my weak bladder,I go through a pair of underwear each day laughing at your posts.

Can't wait until you celebrate your millionth.(Is that even a word?)

Cheers!

Tequila Mockingbird said...

scented anal might not always be bad... it's all about WHAT it is scented like.

Casdok said...

Congratulations on your 100th post. I like your style! Long may it continue!

rs27 said...

Please more Barry posts. That guy is comedy gold.

Gold I say!

Sara Sue said...

Happy Blogiversary! More poo, more scrot and more Brad & Angie pics!

billymac said...

Here's to another 100 posts that make me shake my head and laugh...

upset waitress said...

You SO should do an "Ask Moog" section. And you should charge for your insightful advice.

Diva said...

I, for one, have completely and totally enjoyed each and every warped and demented take on all aspects of your life.

Congrats!!!

The Sports Mama said...

You are one of the few blogs I read that I tell hubby about, because I'm all about making that man laugh until he cries.

*sigh*

Its really the only way I ever get tears from that man.

Congrats on passing the milestone! :)

moooooog35 said...

Thanks, everyone!

As long as awful stuff keeps happening to me, I'll always be able to write about it.

Regarding the "Ask Moog" section:

I agree that I should charge for it.

On the other hand, no one is asking me any questions (there is a "duct tape" one up there...and something about vibrators...which may actually be the same question)...

You ask, I'll answer.

Badly.

Colonel Colonel said...

Congrats on 100! Your "Raisins are People" post was the funniest thing I've ever read.

Malach the Merciless said...

Congrats

Buzzardbilly said...

Congratulations!

Which do is superior for wiping: Moist cloths, Tucks, or PAPASM (paper and praying against skid marks)?

How's that for a question?

What's your position on grade school bullies?

Hungry Mother said...

Great stuff! I've enjoyed all of it. I think that "Ask Moog" should be a live video chat.

Simply Curious said...

OK I'm sure I left a comment here earlier and I'm pissed the shit didn't show up, because it really was a cute little comment. Since I don't remember exactly what the fuck I said, I'll say congrats and I choose option (b).

Grilled Pizza said...

Congrats on the 100th post!

Prin said...

Yey! 100 Spooges of Mooge!

Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to accidentally come up with a better title than you did. Won't happen again.

What the readers really want to know is: how does he stay looking so young? And why is his head often disproportionate to his body? ;)

And why are these word verification thingies always 73 letters long?

moooooog35 said...

Ah, Prin...that WAS a good one.

Not sure why I didn't think of it.

My head is disproportionate to my body due to my large brain, which makes me much smarter than most people.

The only other guy I knew who was smarter than me was the Elephant Man.

He had a HUGE noggin.

BuzzardBilly: I'm supposed to wipe?!?

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