It's a Love/Hate Thing | Mental Poo

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

It's a Love/Hate Thing


I was tagged by Grottynosh to answer the following things:

1. I love to eat:
2. I hate to eat:
3. I love to go:
4. I hate to go:
5. I love it when:
6. I hate it when:
7. I love to see:
8. I hate to see:
9. I love to hear:
10. I hate to hear:


Without further ado, here we go:

#1: I Love to eat:

I Love to Eat: (real answer censored)



2: I hate to eat:

I Hate to Eat: Penises.

Actually, I've never tried one...

...but I'm going out on a limb here and assume that I really, really wouldn't like it.

(Please refrain from the "don't knock it til you try it" shpeel...just AIN'T gonna happen)


Plus...you know...not being gay and all that (see #1).


#3: I love to go:

I Love to Go: Poo.

I LOVE going poo.

If I could sit on the toilet all day squishing out little brown canoes, I'd do it.

Really...

I'd pack a lunch and make a day out of it.

Unfortunately, there's probably not much money in it, and I'd eventually have to get a job of some type.

Hey...wait a minute...

...how do they test toilet paper?



#4: I hate to go:

I Hate to Go: To church.

If I had the choices of going to church, or viewing a slide show of Renee Zellweger pictures (my second choice here), I'd honestly have to choose the slide show.


It's not that church is a BAD thing.


It's that every time I go to church it feels like I'm sitting in the back row of a meeting that's selling Girl Scout cookies.

a) I can't f*cking SEE because people STAND up and...
b) You feel like you'll burn if you don't give them money.

My daughter is a Girl Scout.

Trust me...if you don't buy her goddamn cookies when I ask you, I'll make you pay.

You cheap prick.


#5: I love it when:

I Love it When: I have more than $3 in my wallet at the end of the week.

SCORE.

This is a rare and exciting occurrence.

Much like myself getting a full erection.

Um...

..I fear I've said too much.


#6: I hate it when:

I Hate it When: I get to work and realize that I have to talk to stupid f*cksh*ts all day.


However, work IS bittersweet, as I am able to kill approximately an hour of my day going poop and, subsequently, getting paid for that time (see item #3).


#7: I love to see:

I Love to See: Porn.

'nuff said.

8. I hate to see:

I Hate to See: Gay Porn.

Not lesbian gay porn, that's different (and, actually, my preferred pornography).

I'm talking sausage-fest, moustache-on-moustache, this-reminds-me-of-soccer-camp Gay Porn.


#9: I love to hear:

I Love to Hear:

"Your wiggly is gigantic!"

...or...

"You're the best lover, ever!"

Again, as in my assumed disdain for penis-eating, I've never experienced either of the above as well...

...I'm just assuming that it's something I'd be happy to hear.

My dog just whimpers.

But if she could talk...OH YEAH.

*sigh*

My other choice in this category is:

"Would you like hash with your eggs?"

Oh yeah, baby. Sling it on.


#10: I hate to hear:

I Hate to Hear: Rachael Ray.

Whenever my wife is watching her, all I can think of is jamming a pencil in my ear to just MAKE THE SOUND STOP.

I believe the Gospel of the Lord says it best:

On the sixth day, God invented Rachael Ray.

On the seventh, he invented the "mute" button.

(can you tell that I really don't pay attention in church?)


My other choice here for sh*t I hate to listen to is:

People flossing their teeth.

This drives me ABSOLUTELY F*CKING CRAZY.

This usually only bothers me when I'm at work, going poo (again, see #3).

I'm sitting there...in the quiet...minding my own business...

...when outside of the stall...at the sink...I hear...

click-click-tick-tick-click-clock-tock-tick-tick


...it's like a huge parade of tap-dancing mice is running around on the sink.

clickety-click-tick-tock-tick-clickety-clickety-click

HOW CAN I CONCENTRATE ON MY GUT-WRENCHING BOWEL MOVEMENT WITH ALL THAT F*CKING CLICKING GOING ON?!?!?!?

Mother of Christ - floss at home!!!

Listen, jackass, the pad thai you had at lunchtime isn't going to rot your teeth before then, anyway. Save me the anguish.

Asshole.


Hey..."Floss-guy"...

...maybe you should eat penises.

I hear they don't get stuck in your teeth.

22 comments:

Michelle Hix said...

I always wonder if Rachel Ray is going to pop that vein in her neck when she talks/yells/screeches.

C.Rag said...

I love to eat pussy.
I hate to be slapped in the face by a dick...
Actually I love to be slapped in the face by a dick.

I hate golden showers.

Joeprah said...

R.R is definitely annoying. No question. The rest of it is just LOL!

mauniejames said...

OMG I can't believe how much I missed your ravings...that was wonderfully funny as usual..I'm not crazy about RR either...hubby loves Giada.........

astrogalaxy said...

This is sure another of your fantastic post. LOL
Cheers!

Mimzie said...

I worship c.rag

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I think Rachel Ray needs to floss with a tally wacker.That way we wouldn't have to hear her talk.

There is no way any one person is that happy and enjoys everything they eat!

I mean,come on now!

Kimmylyn said...

We should start a campaign on how much we loathe Rachel Ray.. I am not even sure how she balances that big head of hers.

billymac said...

I'm with ya on Rachel Ray, I just want to fill her face with marbles when she cracks that cheshire cat smile...

Mike said...

What about pooping rachel ray after have eaten her so as to save the world from the agony that she is, and being able to remove the 6th day of the bible therefore having to go to church less?

Would that work?

Celebrity Addict said...

Actually, some people in my country eat cats.

Buzzardbilly said...

I once knew a girl who worked in a restaurant. On health inspector day, one of the cooks left a turd floating in the clear liquid hand soap dispenser. Took shitting at work and shitting on work to a whole new level.

Best part was: They couldn't figure out which one left the shit and they couldn't afford to send said turd out for testing. XD

Malach the Merciless said...

Racheal Ray is so goddamn annoying she make me consider suicide

rs27 said...

Don't knock cats on a plate until you've...oh...um...

gotta go.

Malicious Intent said...

I am pretty sure Rachel Ray is plotting to take over the world. Her voice makes me want to scratch someone's eyeballs out!

Hungry Mother said...

I love eating shit. (Shit being used as a synonym for stuff.)
I hate eating shit. (Shit being used as a synonym for shit.)

I love hearing, "I will fuck you up", said by a babe lusting for intercourse.
I hate hearing, "I will fuck you up", said by a big motherfucker who wants to maim me.

Tequila Mockingbird said...

dude, you arent supposed to EAT the penises, just suckle upon them.

Nellioness said...

Hello Moooog!!!

Long time! How are you doing? Actually, why I'm asking that. As I see, you're doing well! So many posts! With your #8 point, you left me wanting for more ;) I'm interested to know more about your attraction to porn! As a woman and sex blogger, I'm always interested about men's attraction to porn! :P

A sincere compliment from my heart to yours: you have a talent to make your readers commenting. And this is one of the funniest parts of your blog Moooog :)

I’ve been a little quiet lately, enjoying the holiday time-off. Now I'm back and looking forward for another year of reading your blog and responses!

:)

moooooog35 said...

Tequila: LOL @ "suckle" - although, I now have an image of a cow doing this...which is illegal, I believe (hence, why the Feds confiscated most of my pornography)

Nelli: My attraction to porn? Um..there's naked women in it. Man, I wish my SATs were this easy to answer.

Prin said...

This was a long one, so I just looked at the pictures to get the gist.

Ah, I'm kidding. Funny as usual, except for the first one. You shouldn't eat kitties. Kitties are people too. I bet they taste like chicken.

Smileygirl said...

OMG I Love it! Another Renee comment. Oh how that pancake face of hers drives me crazy!!!

upset waitress said...

Memes suck. As for memes go, you did ok. Because you have pics.

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