The Whitest Teeth I Ever Came Across were Fighting Foo | Mental Poo

Monday, February 04, 2008

The Whitest Teeth I Ever Came Across were Fighting Foo

Just a few of things today:

Special Guest: Midgetmanofsteel!

So last week, Cookiebitch asked me to do a guest spot on her blog.

As such, I showed up at her blog with a dozen white roses, wearing a newly tailored suit, with an armful of baby jaguars and terrapins...

...because, as you know, the funniest guest hosts let small, wild jungle animals attack people.


She wasn't there.

Bitch.

(I'm SO letting these f*cking animals run around her blog sh*tting everywhere)


Instead, I left a post about some asshole in our office who clogged the men's room toilet with a gigantic bowel movement.

Cute animals...

...pipe-choking turds...

Po-tA-to, Po-tah-to.

If you want to read the post, you can find it here:

"An Open Letter to TC"

If not, ..at least drop by Cookiebitch's site and give the baby jaguar some kibble.

Acknowledging My Broken Nutsack:

Malicious Intently has bestowed upon me the following:



I'm not so much sure if this is an award...

...or more of a validation of my sterility.

Um...thanks?

You will notice in the picture, though, that my wiggly has wonderfully white teeth.

I think he uses Crest Whitestrips.

...which also explains the sticky film-crap all over the inside of my underwear.

...wait...

...maybe that's not teeth whitener.



Fighting Foo:


I’ve been listening to “The Foo Fighters” latest CD lately in my car.

My son, who is four, is addicted to the song, The Pretender.

(he rides in the car with me often, and insists on listening to this song in a continuous loop….like he has "Foo Fighter ADD")


We also watched the video on our cable’s “On Demand” feature…

…which shows, at the end, the Foo Fighters being bombarded by riot police.

I have no idea why they’re being accosted by riot police.


I’ve long since given up trying to decipher music videos ever since I saw Metallica’s “Unforgiven” while high on crystal meth, Spicy Nacho Doritos and a six-pack of Red Bull.

DAMN YOU, FROGS!!...GET OFF OF ME!!...AND TAKE DAVID BOWIE WITH YOU!!!


..sorry...sorry...

...that was a trying time in my life.


Anyway…

This morning, I drove him to preschool.

As usual, he insisted on listening to “The Pretender” over and over again.

During the song, he piped up:

Son: “Daddy…can we go see the Foo Fighters?”

Me: “You want to see them? Um…sure….”

(he knows one song)

Son: “I can’t WAIT to see them get smushed by the policemen.”

..ah...the video...

Me: “Um….well…that’s just a video and…"

Son: “Are they real?”

*blink*

Me: “Wha?...Is who real?”

Son: “The Foo Fighters…are they real?

*blink blink*

(sometimes, you want to be allowed to punch your children)


Me: “Are they real? Well…uh…yeah…of course they’re real.”

Then...this:

Son: “Do they REALLY fight foo?”

Do they really fight foo.

Good question.

Me: “Well…I guess so.”

To be honest, I have no idea if they fight foo or not.

They COULD fight foo.

They probably DO fight foo.

Hell, I’D fight foo if I could.


Apparently...there's good money in Fighting Foo.

PLUS you get to date Christina Aguilera...

...AND get your penis teeth whitened by trained professionals.

...which would be good for me...

These goddamn strips make too much of a mess.

20 comments:

Nosjunkie said...

what is foo I ahve always wondered that it just doesnt ring any bels to me if its taken out of Kung-foo.
like the dick teeth by the way

Lori said...

WOOHOO Congrats on your award! lol And boy those are some nice white choppers....how does that work when your wife goes down on you?


AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHA....as if...

Hungry Mother said...

I don't know what I just read, but It made me run to the bathroom to look at my teeth and take a big dump.

Elise said...

You're kids say the funniest things! I can't wait until they grow up and you show them these posts... maybe not all of the posts xx

billymac said...

I would totally fight foo too, I would even take a swipe at yogi bear and his pick-a-nick baskets...

C.Rag said...

You should tell him it's not foo, it's poo. They are fighting poo.

Mike said...

The foo fighters were started when they joined forces with Mr. T in fighting foo's.

The more you know.

Mimzie said...

I like your award. But then, I like dicks so I'm partial.

Casdok said...

I know where to come if i am in need of a foo fighter!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

For some reason teeth whitening made me think of anal bleaching. Don't ask!

Congrats on your "dick head" award!

rs27 said...

Just a warning. If you see the Foo Fighters in concert you may see a naked man streak across the stage.

Just sayin'

Buzzardbilly said...

Congratulations on the award and the guest spot!

You are so lucky that Lil' Mooog is into the Foo Fighters. The niece toddly fave and wanna-go-to-the-concert act was Britney "i'm too crazy for my shirt" Spears. Let's say you'll have much more fun at your son's toddly selection's concert than I did, even though it was her first tour and those middle-aged men without children wearing their Britney shirts while apparently trying to wipe something off the front of their pants were a bonus show-within-a-show that the Foo Fighters probably won't inspire.

But, you will have the bonus of getting to blame the Wee Mooog's new habit of peppering his sentences with 'fuck' on Dave Grohl, and that alone is worth the price of admission, my friend.

Melanie said...

i have a four year old son too. we aren't fighting foo in our car... yet.

;-)

Malicious Intent said...

I just pissed my pants. Bastard.

Malach the Merciless said...

Since I am a trivia fountain, a Foo Fighter in Navy code for UFO Fighter . . . so do they Fight Foo? Not sure, is it in the video?

Jeannette E. Spaghetti said...

Dude, I am so jealous; I've never received an award.

Well, once I got a "biggest asshole in the world" coffee mug.

Greeneyezz said...

lol

Great award Mooog.

Funny stuff, as usual.

;)

~ZZ

Phoebe Fay said...

I, too, have many times wondered if the Foo Fighters fight foo.

It's good to realize that I have the intellectual questioning tendencies of a four-year-old.

Buzzardbilly said...

When David Letterman was announcing them on his show own time a few years back, he said they spent their time fighting foo. Letterman does not lie.

Phoenix Rose said...

Congratulations to both you and your weiner!! What a beautiful smile your penis has!! One of the first things that attracts me to a man is his smile and eyes, but I must say, I never looked for those to things on his pecker. Maybe I should start! Best wishes to you both for many nights of wild passtionate worry free whoopie with your wife! God speed!

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