Where's All the Death? - Travelogue Day #5 | Mental Poo

Friday, July 25, 2008

Where's All the Death? - Travelogue Day #5


So, I'm in Seattle this week on vacation with no access to a computer.

As such, I've decided to try to create a post of my activities for each day, and see
if I ended up getting it right.

This is Day #5:

*****************

Dear Travelogue,

Well, today was our last day in Seattle, Washington.

I have to say that I'm a little upset, though.

It's not that I didn't have a good time. No, not at all.

It's because I was told OVER and OVER again that Seattle had the highest rate of suicide in the country.

Did I see any?

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

Not one jumper.

Not one overdose.

Not a single hanging or self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Nothing.

Nada.

What. The. F*ck.


You know, I travel 3000 miles...

...watch fish get tossed around for no apparent reason...

...ride a goddamn bicycle...

...get physically sick from my fear of heights at the Space Needle...

...and you people can't give me a SINGLE suicide to take photos of or maybe even prod with a stick or something?


Listen, folks.

I may be back there sometime.

See if you can schedule something for me. Preferably messy and involving some type of squatter chick with a smack problem.

Thanks in advance.

Heading back home to Boston.

Moog out.

12 comments:

AngryMan said...

I felt the same way when I went to Baltimore and didn't see any murders or, at the least, street crime.

L A M E !!!

Mike said...

Well at least now you know why people who live in Seattle commit suicide.

Narm said...

Would it kill them to have a road side suicide attraction so you could have a few photo ops with the kids?

Christina_the_wench said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christina_the_wench said...

Come here to Detroit, moog. We'll hook you up with a little carjacking or a drug deal gone bad. Would that be ok instead?

Mimzie Beaumont said...

I don't think you looked very hard. Maybe next time.

Practically Joe said...

After reading this post ... 8 of your Seattle readers kicked the bucket because they were feeling bad about disappointing you.

catscratch said...

What a f^cking jip.

Malach the Merciless said...

I ain't the 90's dude, Cobain, Layne Staley, Andrew Wood . ..

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

Lame LOL sorry no one jump off a building for you...

Malicious Intent said...

Got everything cleaned up. But the cops did find 9 bodies in the hole where the pool is going. You know the one you get to enjoy 2 days a year? (I tried to get the cement poured but they got a court order holding it.) Well you will after 15years in prison unless you got a really good explanation. If you can prove you didn't live there when the bodies were deposited, this should only take about 6 months or so in court to clear up....so no biggie.

Landscaping out front looks fucking awesome!

One thing, a rather big boned woman named "Rosie" came to the door asking for a "Her itty bitty pooky bear." I assured her she had the wrong house. Look, I cannot keep covering up for you like this. It's just to fucking stressful and with the porn gone from the first fire there was little to entertain with.

Welcome home. Insurance company will cut a check next week for the rest of the repairs. Your Welcome.

Evil Genius said...

How inconsiderate of them! You should write to the mayor and demand you be comp'd for your trip expenses! hehe

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