Dear Moog: Got a Hair in my Throat | Mental Poo

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Dear Moog: Got a Hair in my Throat

It's another time for an exciting episode of "Dear Moog"...

Where the questions are usually as pointless as an 80-year old penis.

I am not responsible for any stupid sh*t you do to yourself or others as a result of taking any of my advice seriously. There, I think that covers it.

You've been warned.

Today our letter comes from Maggie Cumlaudly (a.k.a, C.Rag).

Maggie writes:

Dear Mooooo...oooooooog,

When I'm sucking on balls, sometimes I get hair stuck in my teeth. It's very annoying.

I think you would have an answer to this since you seem like someone who would have experience.

What is the best way not to get hair stuck in your teeth while ball sucking?



Dear Maggie,

Thanks for your tasteful inquiry.


Are you saying that I have personal experience sucking on balls...

....or experience with you sucking on my balls?

I'm confused.

If it's the latter, please let me know - as I may still owe you money.

Good luck collecting, sucka!!

There are potentially two answers to this question:

1) Insist that the man/transvestite/hermaphrodite that you're schlocking manscapes his junk.

This takes, literally, two seconds (at least for I don't have a lot of real estate to cover), and gives the junk a nice, clean look.

Like John Stamos when he shaves.

That's right...your man's balls will look like John Stamos!!

It's a win-win.

You know...if you like John Stamos.

2) Remove your false teeth

Yeah..don't pretend you ain't all gummy and shit.

Everyone knows that years and years of heroin abuse, working in the local meth-lab and streetwalking in Duluth, Georgia will do that to you.

Don't think I don't remember.

Speaking of which...

I DO owe you money, don't I?

There you go! Yet another exciting episode!

I have a "Dear Moog" link on the top right of my page, or you can email me here.

Want bad advice? Want sh*tty answers?

You've come to the right place.

Drop me a line.

And don't forget to check out my other articles at Scrivel.

Moog out.


Christina_the_wench said...

Wow. Such informative data this early in the morning. Can you guarantee that John Stamos thing because I will camp out there if that is the case. Yummy.

FreeOscar said...

No wonder the balls I was sucking on last night kept yelling out the names "Mary-Kate & Ashley"! He was cleanly manscaped.


No you don't owe me money because I gave the herpes. I believe in paying it forward for it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Anonymous said...

So, you got a free herpes causing ball job?

You lucky bastard.

Malach the Merciless said...

I can fit 15 golf balls in my mouth how about you?

LBluca77 said...

I am with C.rag on this, it is annoying. Having to always carry dental floss everywhere I go can bug.

Knight said...

I choose the method of handcuffing him to the bed and waxing them clean. Then I don't get burned from the stubble.

Malicious Intent said...

Can you use that Nair hair removal products on balls?

Seems like that would be easier.

Of course the one time I tried using it on my legs, it tried melting my skin. So I guess the only way to know is to try.

Anonymous said...


I would have said it's just cheap floss.

Anonymous said...

Oh my guys are filthy...
keep er coming...John Stamos huh..

Moooooog35 said...

Christina: It's even a BETTER deal when I throw in Bob Saget.

C.Rag: You're welcome. Never write me a letter again. Thanks in advance.

Slick: Lucky AND blistery.

Malach: This is why you were so popular at the Turkish Bath houses in South Boston.

LBluca: That sucks. Literally.

Knight: So that was YOU. I need to control my blackouts better.

MI: NO. NEVER. BURNS. Don't ask me how I know this.

Catscratch:'s like 50 much cheaper do you need to be?

Maunie: I know..I know...I almost didn't post it but in the interest of free speech and posting a picture of John Stamos on a nutsack, I just had to do it.

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

Oh MY GOD. What you say rarely shocks me but I spit out my water at the John Stamos pic. I mean go to Paint and stick John Stamos over a pic of some guys taint?


Oh...and if you're sucking balls actively enough to get hairs in your teeth you are probably bruising them. John Stamos don't like bruises.

(I do not like a shaved ballsack personally. It looks a little sickly.)

Anonymous said...

The Before and After Manscaping Pictures has to be one of my favorite pictures you've ever done on this blog.


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