Vatican City Lubrication, Inc. | Mental Poo

Monday, August 25, 2008

Vatican City Lubrication, Inc.

...so many possibilities...

Let me explain:

I live in New Hampshire.

For those of you unfamiliar with New Hampshire, I can tell you it's in the Northeastern United States, near Canada.

Just basically follow the smell of cow shit and the rotting corpses of tourists lost in the forests after coming to look at the "foliage"...

(foliage = leaves....yes...people come here to LOOK AT F*CKING LEAVES)

...and you've stumbled into New Hampshire.


New Hampshire state motto: "Live Free or Die"

How uplifting.


Nothing like mentioning "death" in your motto to attract tourists.

Whereas we're right next to Canada.

Canada's state motto: "We have strippers!"


I need to move to Canada.

I'd move not just for the strippers...

...but also for the fact that I'd rather be kept in a dungeon with a ball-gag in my mouth rather than die.

(a typical Tuesday for me)

..as such, I don't think I fit the patriotic New Hampshire mold.

Live free or die?

F*ck it, dude.

Tie me up and call me "Sally." What do you need to know?


That being said...

I was driving to work the other day when I passed a truck for a company that sums up life in New Hampshire in one fell swoop.

Here it is:


"New Hampshire Boring."

Yeah. I think they nailed it.

I started to think of other companies that might also describe their location.


I'm not sure if these actually exist, but here are a few:

1) Oregon Waste Management

2) Hollywood Bleaching

3) Sicilian Fencing and Framing

4) Middle East Demolition


5) Amsterdam Stripping

6) Washington, DC Shit-Shoveling

7) (insert any African country name here) Mating

Also, please refer to the title of this post...

...Vatican City is just WAY too easy:

1) Vatican City Spelunking
2) Vatican City Greco-Roman Wrestling
3) Vatican City Man-Boy Love Association (A Division of NAMBLA)

...the list goes on and on...

Feel free to add your own.

I'm going back to watch lint gather on my carpet.

It's what we do in New Hampshire for fun when we're not looking at leaves.

Ugh.

I gotta go find my passport.

20 comments:

AngryMan said...

New Hampshire Boring? Is that the name of NH's minor league team?

GeologyJoe said...

AH HAHAHA! i work with NHB and Maine Drilling regularly.

thats some funny shit right there.

Becky..AMHW said...

For 40 miles, directly east of my house, there are salt flats. Flats. White. NO TREES.

For 30 miles, directly west of my house, the salt flats wane off and there is grass. It's still flat and there are still NO TREES.

For 20 miles directly south of my house, there is grass, a view of a highway, and some marshy salt areas. Still flat and still NO TREES.

I'll raise your boring with a big finger up.

I live in Bendover NV and I'm so proud.

Becky..AMHW said...

And you have John Irving. You know what I'd give to have a John Irving around here? I live on the Utah border...we get the Osmonds dammit. THE OSMONDS!

Smileygirl said...

I almost pooped my own pants laughing at the picture of the old lady in your post saying she pooped her pants! OMG how that cracked me up.

catscratch said...

You could always come to the great state of Tennessee. Our foliage is lovely in fall, we have a top notch football team & the strippers are cheap.

Chat Blanc said...

I'll bet the Vatican City Greco-Roman Wrestling is featured at the next Olympics. Well, maybe the gay olympics.

rs27 said...

I guess that's better than the Alabama Incest company.

Christina_the_wench said...

You take a lovely photo, mooog. Your wife is proud I am sure.

I had to get out a map to look up where NH was. You guys are THAT memorable.

c.watson said...

San Jose Asshat and Douchebag manufacturers

LBluca77 said...

I think it is safe to say most people are unfamiliar with New Hampshire. Adam Sandler and Sarah Silverman are from NH though, so next time you tell people where you are from you should lead with that.

Mike said...

Mooooog

Make sure you only take advantage of the saturday strippers.

The during the week strippers are.. ummm .... just don't go.

The beaver hasn't been shaved since '76, if you follow.

meleah rebeccah said...

My Real Life Best Friend lives in New Hampshire....Ive been there to visit. and yeah....its a little weird out there.

I was in shock and horror over the whole No Helmet Laws, and No need for INSURANCE laws. And then when I read the state motto Live Free Or Die, it all made sense to me.

At least you guys still have INDOOR SMOKING inside bars.

Mike said...

My favorite one is Michigan Employment Agency.

Absolutely hilarious.

Almost as good as Michigan Real Estate.

Norm said...

All very funny!

But I have to ask, How many hits did NAMBLA get from that link.

I confess. I hit it.

THE LINK! I JUST MEANT THAT I HIT THE LINK!

I SWEAR!

Malach the Merciless said...

Mass Ass Pirates

Practically Joe said...

Being from Taxachusetts ... I'll visit New Hampshire for the tax break and ... well ... that and to pass through to get to Maine.

MsPuddin said...

I dont think Ive seen that many tramp stamps in one area...

moooooog35 said...

Angry: No...unlike some Mormon cults, we don't have minors in teams. Sicko.

Geo: Hopefully, the Maine Drilling company you work with does things differently than in my picture.

Becky: You're right. You suck more.

Smiley: Ah - the elderly. Always fun to laugh at.

Catscratch: The only way you'd find me in Tenessee is by accident.

Chat: There's a GAY Olympics?! Maybe GeoJoe can head there with Maine Drilling.

rs27: Better for who?

Christina: My wife is proud of the photo, at least. She took it.

C.Watson: ...are your employers? What are you saying?

LBluca: Yeah...Adam Sandler really put us on the map.

Mike: Point taken.

Meleah: I'm waiting for the indoor smoking laws. I hate those f*ckers.

Mike: NICE!

Norm: Yeah...right. We believe you...really.

Malach: Funny how you just rattled that one off.

PracJoe: You and every other person in Massachusetts comes here for the tax break on purchases.

MsPuddin: We may have a record here. Go check and get back to me.

Becky..AMHW said...

And I suck BETTER...heh.

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