Love Thy Neighbor, Part Deux | Mental Poo

Friday, September 12, 2008

Love Thy Neighbor, Part Deux

Before I start today, got a Guest Review of "Bangkok Dangerous" over at "Moog's Movie Reviews," done by Chris over at "Chris Wood's Blog."

Thanks, Chris!


Now...let's get started:

*********************************
Nothing says, "How ya doin' neighbor?" better than calling the cops on them.

Yeah.

I'm a regular Wilson from "Home Improvement."


You see, a couple of weeks ago my wife and I heard a giant party at a house that backs up to a dead-end street across from us.

Here's what my neighborhood looks like:


It was 1 in the morning, and all we could hear were people screaming.

We could hear this plain as day, because the sound was coming straight down the street at 770 miles per hour.

Similar to the speed in which Pauly Shore's career has crashed.


Ugh.

After listening to this shit for about 20 minutes with no sign of it stopping...

...we promptly called the cops.

We. Rock.

We told them that there was a teenage party going on...and they were making a ton of noise...

...and I wanted to get to sleep because my f*cking children would no doubt have me awake at 6 a.m. because - deep down - I believe they are the devil.

Kids.

The cops came, things quieted down, and I promptly fell asleep.

Until 6 a.m. when Beezlebub #1 and #2 woke me the f*ck up.

TOLD YOU.


Fast forward to last weekend, where we had a neighborhood block party.

There, we met Mike.

Mike lives in that party house.

Mike is approximately 102 years old.

Mike: "...and then...man...we should have another Karaoke party."

Me: "Um..a..karaoke party?"

Mike: "Oh, it was awesome. Everyone was there - we didn't know you at the time, or we would have invited you over."

*blink*

Tom (Mike's neighbor): "Yeah...it was awesome until someone called the cops. Can you believe that, Rod? Someone called the cops on us."


Awesome.

Me: "Huh. WHAT JERKS!!"

What jerks.

What jerks?

You're looking at them.

Way to integrate with the neighborhood, jackass.

Between this and this...it's no wonder why we don't get invited to shit.

It's either that...

...or these bags under my eyes are scaring the shit out of people.

Kids.

24 comments:

March to the Sea said...

at a recent party across the street from us the woman told me that when they first moved in within 2-3 days we had a MASSIVE party (her words) and she was wondering what the heck they had moved in to. (I graduated from college and had a keg party what can I say). Now the tides have turned..i haven't had a keg since yet they have had 20+ and motorcycle gangs stop over to "party" at their place.

Warped Mind of Ron said...

At 1:00AM I would have been right there dialing the cops with ya... I generally don't start getting annoyed with that stuff until you get past 11:00 or Midnight after that it's time to respect your neighbors that need to sleep.

Narm said...

Did you also stand on your lawn in a robe and say, "Quiet down! This is a neighborhood!" while shaking a cane at them?

Malach the Merciless said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Practically Joe said...

First of all ... I emailed your blog address to all your neighbors. (cop-caller!)

I'm sure when the see the neighborhood sketch they will all recognize the dog shit. Be prepared to be TP'd ... and I'd advise you to not stamp out the flaming bag on your porch.

Kellie said...

Love the Pauly Shore reference! Too funny.

We had a neighbor once come and complain to us that our music was too loud. The difference btwn us and your neighbors... it was only 9:00 pm. He said he couldn't hear his TV for the past 4 hours. WTF. Loser.

Gooch said...

So, what song ya gonna sing at the next party?

catscratch said...

My neighbors have only called the cops on us twice.

Yah, we're the loud, partying neighbors at the end of the road. Karaoke & beer is not a good thing according to the neighbors.

Christina_the_wench said...

Hey grandpa! Turn down your hearing aid next time and stay off the phone.

rs27 said...

I would have quickly blamed it on someone else and then told everyone to egg his house.

Vengeance.

Jen said...

Moog, you goober.

Knight said...

You should give the kids tv's in their rooms and then let them stay up all night watching it. That will keep them from waking up at the crack of dawn. Or just give them pills before bed.

moooooog35 said...

March: Moral of the story: payback is a bitch, eh? Awesome.

Ron: Not anymore. Now I shall be karaoke king. I've been working on my rendition of "Daniel."

Narm: Yes. And sometimes I throw hard candy.

Malach: You're welcome for today's ab workout.

Prac Joe: I live to be TP'd. You wouldn't believe the money I save on toilet tissue.

Kellie: I hear 9 p.m is the new 1 a.m. Actually, the only time I heard that was just now, when I said it out loud. Nevermind.

Gooch: (see 'Daniel' reference above)

Catscratch: I had no idea we were neighbors.

Christina: eh?

rs27: My neighbors are all bigger than me. Actually, my neighbors kids are all bigger than me. So, I've blamed it on you. If you hear a knock at your door, I suggest hiding.

Jen: I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah!

Chris Wood said...

Moog, leave it another 60 or so years and then you'll be cool enough to rock like that.

LBluca77 said...

So not cool moog, so not cool.

c.watson said...

My neighbors blast the mariachi music. Now I can't sleep unless there is a happy mexican beat shaking the walls.

Gooch said...

Daniel?.....as in Elton John Daniel?

Fine.....I make you some sparkly glasses.

(I just give and give and give)

mauniejames3 said...

when we called the cops on some really nasty people who were visiting our elderly neighbors, hubby saw the cops point at our house...I didn't go out until they were gone...scary people...we have had some loud parties but they always end at 12:00 o'clock

GeologyJoe said...

i once turned down an 8 year old hawking 5 dollar little league raffle tickets knowing that i had $40 in quarters 4 feet away. :(

we can all be dicks sometimes without realizing it.

AngieSS said...

YO -- You've been awarded the "Angry Clown Hell Award" so stop by and pick it up you wickedly funny man! YOU ROCK!!!

meleah rebeccah said...

ha ha ha

Kids. Yup. 6am. and I haven't slept in 12 years.

Nice to pretend you didnt call the cops!!

AngryMan said...

Nice job, Captain Turd.

C.Rag said...

Who wants the breeder of the devils at their party?

???Art said...

I love your diagrams!

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