Mmmmm...Wool. | Mental Poo

Friday, September 05, 2008


Sitting with the kids the other night, watching Comcast's "Gallery Player."

(In case you were thinking of moving here, this actually qualifies as "fun" in New you can unpack your bags now.)

Halfway through, a flamingo picture popped up on the screen.

Daughter: "A flamingo!"


A teaching opportunity has presented itself that doesn't involve High School Musical characters (Gabriella is shizzam!), Spongebob or explaining what masturbation means!

Um...regarding this latter point...

I called my friend Rob the other day while in the car with the family.

Rob: "Hey! I was just thinking about you last night."

Me: "Oh yeah? Were you masturbating?"

..then...from the back seat...

Daughter: "What's masturbating?"


(evil death stare from wife)

Nice, Rod. Nice.

Okay...back to the story...

I decided to quiz the kids on WHAT makes flamingos pink.

Me: "..and do you know what flamingos eat that turns them pink?"

(My wife calls me "Mr. Wizard")


Me: "I'll give you a's something that I like to eat...and it begins with 'shh'."

I're all thinking "SHIT" - but the answer is actually "shrimp."

All together now:

Thank you, Mr. Wizard!

Back to the conversation:

Me: "No? I eat it...and it starts with the 'sh' sound...shhh...."


My son looks up.

Son: "I know! Sheep!"


Apparently, my son thinks I eat sheep...

...and so do flamingos.

So much for me being "Mr. Wizard."


I should just stick to High School Musical characters.

At least they get naked every once in a while.


AngryMan said...

At least give the kid credit for effort. And then tell him that you don't get any credit for being wrong!

Mike said...

I think that was an absolute fantastic guess.

Also, it's too bad your too tall for midget porn. I think you'd be good at it.

Potsie said...

I know now not to forget to invite my flamingo buddy over the next time I do rack of lamb.

Narm said...

I can't wait to see search results for your blog after posting the picture of the little girls.

Christina_the_wench said...

I've worked in advertising. WTF were they thinking? Good god....

Do you eat your sheep with bbq sauce or ranch dressing?

LBluca77 said...

My new favorite word is now lickable!

Anonymous said...

Damn. I'm a bad mom; I told my kid that they put food coloring in flamingo food, which I honestly thought they did.

Oh, well. Have a nice weekend, shit-eater! :)

Warped Mind of Ron said...

Obviously you are unaware of the carnivorous flamingos of the Amazon Delta. They flock and chase down all manner of wildlife. It's been documented that a wild flock of carnivorous flamingos were once seen taking down an entire pride of Lions.

Moooooog35 said...

Angry: Getting things wrong, and living with this as unacceptable behavior, is paramount to my teachings. Thanks for noticing.

Mike: I'm too tall?!? That's not what my union rep says.

Joc: Dude. You have a flamingo buddy? of those dancers?

Narm: I know. I'm screwed with the Feds.

Christina: I'm with you on the ad. And, no, I eat my sheep on my knees. Wait...what was the question?

Lbluca: What was it before?

Midleah: Any time I can reaffirm your stance as a bad mom, I'm happy to do it.

Warped: Bet the lions weren't too proud after having their asses kicked by birds.

Coffeypot: A fellow Republican? Dare there be one here?!? Huzzah!!'re not really David Duke, are you?

Anonymous said...

Damn, son. You just can't catch a break can ya?

Rahul said...

If you don't eat sheep then what do you do with them?


Colleen said...

Oh shrimp I thought for sure it was going to be shamu, it just makes more sense.

Anonymous said...

'The appropriate authorites have been notified'


Raspootin said...

You never fail to amuse!

Diva's Thoughts said...


Coffeypot said...

Nope! GOP all the way. I will be voting for Johnny Mac and Sarahcuda the Yukon Fox, you betcha.

Malach the Merciless said...

OOOH OOOOH, Mr. Carter! I knew the answer!

Malicious Intent said...

Maybe for your sake you should dumb it down a bit. First pick a character that is completely unlike you, such as Big Bird. I'll let you figure that out. (And not it's not because he is yellow or has feathers.) And then start with things like "Let's learn about the letter F today." Although that could turn bad on you too...but Flamingo does begin with the letter F.

I dunno, just a thought. Strangely enough BIG Bird was the first thought that came to mind when I thought of you? Wonder why?

Forrest Proper said...

oh c'mon, flamingos eat lawn darts, which they used to sell in profusion, and so now you see pink plastic flamingos on all the lawns eating them.

None of this has anytihng to d with their color.

Flamingos are pink because they're GAY.

(OK, have I outscored you for anti-PC points???)

FreeOscar said...

I want ice cream...jailbait ice cream.

Cash said...

Several of my dog friends ate shit and they turned brown. Creepy, but true.


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