The Sensitive Male | Mental Poo

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Sensitive Male


Sometimes, being a guy is fun.

The rest of the time, you're busy trimming hair that's growing out of places it shouldn't...

(seriously...the bridge of my f*cking NOSE?!?)

...and masturbating.

Sometimes, if you're really careful, you can kill those two birds with one stone.

Back off people.

I'm a professional.


Regardless - case in point on why guys rule:

My buddy Bill sent an email to a bunch of people the other day. It was one of those chain-mail philosophical "feel good" emails.

Here it is:

**********************
From: Bill
Subject: The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

This one sure can make you set your priorities. Thinking of you all.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained,your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.'

Please share this with someone you care about. . .

I JUST DID!
***********************

Wow.

Something to think about, and very touching.

Until the responses started coming from the other guys on the email:

Response #1:

"I was thinking he should turn in his man card for sending shit like that out"

Response #2:

"Bill must have grown an mangina. Too much rain I guess."

Response #3:

"Bill,

You are such a homo."



Awesome.

Three days later, we're still not letting it die.

Here's an IM I had with my buddy, John.

*****************
midgetmanofsteel: finally back in the gym.

John: NICE

John: how sore have you been?

John: or are you lifting like a pussy?

midgetmanofsteel: feeling like a pussy - might have to send out some gay email next.

John: LOL

*****************

Guys. Rule.

You know, when we're not trimming hair and masturbating and shit.

24 comments:

Mike said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

You too need to turn in your man card.

You know, for a suspension.

First you're worrying about some bacteria like a woman - and now this golf ball jar shit.

Make some new motivational posters and your man card may be returned.

moooooog35 said...

Mike: FYI - Comment #3 was mine.

Now, go wash your hands you sick bastard.

Miss Tiff said...

Ok, I can't get past that gross picture of hairy men.. I'm trying but, it's not happening...

SlogBite said...

I have been away for too long. You are as sick as ever. Some things just never change.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I have started a new site ("Attitude, The Ultimate Power" is still active.) It is a new concept in site directories. I would be honored (well maybe not honored) if you would come by and take a look. It is still in the construction stages; however, I am accepting participants. One of its unique qualities is the granularity of the categories. If you cannot find a category that fits your needs exactly, just let me know and I will create it.
http://www.SlogBite.Com

Some of the categories that you could participate in could be:
Humor
Movie Reviews
Adult
Outrageous
Men's Interests

just to name a few.


Mel

LBluca77 said...

Oh Bill no one likes a fruity man.

Christina_the_wench said...

Bill needs to stop shopping at Ikea and man up. Show him how, moooog. *giggles*

Becky..AMHW said...

Beer is yucky.

I'm throwing golfballs at people who insist I should drink that shit.

(He could have pissed in the jar too ya know.)

Greeneyezz said...

Please tell me those pictures were photoshopped.
PleasePleasePleasePlease!

You a funny Funny Guy Mooog.

;)

~ZZ

HeyJoe said...

That's really sweet Moog.

So have you figured out how to douche yet, ya f*cking homo.

moooooog35 said...

Miss Tiff: Try using a machete - that might get you through it.

Slogbite: MEL!! I will stop by, sir. Just as soon as I'm done waxing my taint. See you soon!

lbluca: ...Unless you're another fruity man.

Christina: What's funny is that Bill is, like, "I have a deer carcass in my trunk" kind of guy. I suppose we all have our buttplug moments.

Becky: You should drink beer. (I'm out of golf balls and don't want to buy new ones)

Greeneyezzzzzzzzzzzz: I Google them. I post them. Sorry.

HeyJoe: You know..you can always tell the guys WHO DON'T READ TO THE END.

By the way, I don't know how to douche. Are you offering lessons?

Confessions of A Mississippi Mom said...

maybe he would like to shave your hairy butt!!!

Hungry Mother said...

That story was so typical of the liberal professors. I had to go outside and do 20 pushups on the driveway, kill a snake, and spit a lunger 10 feet to feel like a man again.

Knight said...

This annoys me. If some dude put rocks, smaller rocks, and sand, in a jar all to the point of looking full, there is no way in hell two beers could fit. Not even one. This theory is a load of shit. The moral is actually, get your beers in first or your life will be full of all kinds of petty shit.

Baba Doodlius said...

My thought about that dumb story was that he wasted all that beer by pouring it into a mayonnaise jar full of sand. What a loser.

rs27 said...

Lot of back hair being portrayed on this blog lately.

Just sayin.

rule number one of gay e-mails. Never send them to dudes.

Megkathleen said...

There should be a warning about those pictures. I can't get past the hair sweater. Ack. I'll probably have nightmares about it now.

Malach the Merciless said...

Turned in my man card along time ago

Poetry Sue said...

HOLY SMOKES! Guys having feelings... Really? And whats with the hair... are these guys half bigfoot or something... Love the hairy but Moog I know thats a self portrait

Malicious Intent said...

I always do wonder why you guys lose your hair on top and grow these "wings" on your arms. Gross!

I almost thought, for a brief moment in time...you had a soft spot...alas...I was not disappointed and you are ok. Whew. Don't scare us with shit like that! Damnit!

m4stono said...

that man is so powerful like gorillaz

PlainOleMike said...

I've given you a blog award because you make me laugh. Check out the details at my site - plainolemike.blogspot.com

meleah rebeccah said...

Bill might very well be a HOMO but that email actually helped me feel MUCH BETTER today.

I have way too much sand in my jar right now and not enough balls.

Wait? That didn't sound right.

AngryGinger said...

If this is what people look like on the outside, then I'm staying inside the LandLady.

catscratch said...

Priceless. All my girlfriends would be sending me sappy responses.

I guess that's why we aren't guys.

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