Why Can't I Think of this Shit First? | Mental Poo

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Why Can't I Think of this Shit First?

Once again, I bow to Netflix's recommendations.

This time, I'm bowing towards them.

I checked my recommendations list from Netflix today.

I saw...


"Zombie Strippers"


My first reaction was:

"Jesus H. Christ...people will make a movie about anything."

But then...I put my crocheting needles down (this sweater vest is coming out fucking AWESOME)...

...realized that I was actually a fucking guy, and thought:

"Wait. I like zombies! I like strippers! By the theorem Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, I will really like "Zombie Strippers!""

I work in logical fallacies when I get excited.

Fallacy almost sounds like fellatio.

Just sayin'.

Then...somehow...some way...

...this actually got better (click to enlarge):

My next reaction:


This was immediately followed by the guy at the next desk giving me the Heimlich maneuver.

Helpful tip:

When you say "OMG OMG OMG OMG" out loud, it sounds like you're choking.

Let's check the scorecard for this flick:

1) Zombies
2) Strippers
3) Strippers that are zombies
4) Zombies that strip
6) JENNA (I can only watch her five minutes at a time) JAMESON


Rent this and send me a review of it.

I'd rent it myself but with a 94 minute running time, and me being able to watch Jenna Jameson at 5 minute intervals only with 20-minute..um.."regeneration breaks" in between...this would take me the better part of a day to get through it.

I don't have that kind of time, and only a little lube left.

I tried watching it myself online here at work but that fucking guy kept giving me the Heimlich.

At least, I hope that's what he's doing.


Hungry Mother said...

Good preview. I'll be looking for it in my neighborhood 7/11.

Anonymous said...

Zombie strippers! Oh yes. I may have to watch this, purely for the acting and dialogue, naturally.

And Jenna fucking Jameson getting her kit off, turning into a zombie and then ???? with Mr Kruger.

What an awesome film. And I bet it won't even win an Oscar. Bastards.

Diva's Thoughts said...

Oh my freaking goodness!!! lol

Narm said...

Aren't zombie strippers kind of redundant? I mean they are both soulless creatures?

Kidding, of course, I <3 strippers. I will be doing everything in my power to see this movie.

Anonymous said...

LOL Wow, Zombie Strippers. Kind of makes me wonder what else you are watching that gets you that kind of recommendation. Oh who am I kidding. I read your blog daily. I know exactly why they would recommend that for you!!!

LMAO at their tag line. I just wish they would have totally went for it and used the word "eat" instead of "devour".

March2theSea said...

this was suggested to be recently as well...

Kellie said...

What are you renting that makes them suggest this one for you? Too funny. I'm sure the acting in this one is top notch w/ Jenna AND Freddy! I've GOT to see it!

Unknown said...

It's movies like these that make me wonder just how hard it is to write a screenplay? How low is the bar set when it comes to making movies?

All that being said - KUDOS for crazy zombie strippers - can't wait for the musical

Olly said...

Always best to read the book first before seeing the movie. Ok, screen play, maybe?

I wanna see the sweater vest your crocheting!

Rahul said...

Doesn't zombie strippers give a whole new meaning to the term, butter face?

Fizzgig said...

A fellow blogger/horror fan watched and liked it. I am on the lookout for it. I think it will be like, if you like "i spit on your grave" or "evil dead" you'll dig this flick! very campy.

HeyJoe said...

Amazingly it is available at Blockbuster.com. I'd have figured the prudish, conservative f*cks at BB would not carry it.

I will add it to my queue post haste.

LBluca77 said...

If I was not afraid of zombies I would so be netflixing that movie.

Mike said...

Don't let that gay heimlech guy know he's got to check your throat for obstructions too.

King of New York Hacks said...

Ok...I DID SEE IT !! HA !! Here is my take....It is a good bad movie that is set in a future where George W. Bush is in his fourth term.Heads exploding, hot strippers, Freddy Krueger with a great line as the club owner "You're nothing until you can do what those zombie bitches can do!" to a regular stripper. Just watch the trailer and all of you will be hitting up that netflix top of the list button.Here is the link.

fiona said...

Scary...I'll stick to The Golden Girls.
OMG are THEY the Zombie Strippers??

AngryMan said...


15 mins. later.


15 mins. later.


I'm out.

Anonymous said...

I saw this on sale in the 99 cent bin the other day.

Maybe if they have it, I'll go buy it and send it to you for shits and giggles.

weirdtales said...

OMG OMG!..I think I'm Chokin..somebody gimme the Heimer Remover!..That was funny..cept..20minutes?..a day? hell it would take me 2 days,..I'd hafta go to the store & get more lube!..keep up the fun poo!

Malicious Intent said...

Looks like a sound choice for family movie night. I think you can handle it. I believe in you!
Yes you can!

Moooooog35 said...

First off, let me apologize to everyone for not keeping on top of these comments.

I'm in the worst training class ever ("Sodomy for Dummies") and I haven't had time for responses.

That said:

Hungry: keep me posted.

Chris: It may not win an Oscar, but it will definitely get a standing ovation from my wiggly.

Tee: Well put.

Narm: If strippers HAD souls, would we really care?

AngieSS: I like "devour." It makes my penis sound bigger.

march: We should be Netflix friends!!

Kellie: Not sure, although I rented a movie about zombies, then one about strippers, then "Nightmare on Elm Street" then "Jenna Loves Jamie, Part IX."


Olly: No one sees the sweater vest before it's done. I only have to Bedazzle it.

rs27: Touche', my friend.

Fizzgig: "I Spit on Your Grave?" I saw "I Spit on Your Taint" - is that similar?

heyJoe: You're also now on the CIA watch list.

lbluca: Just remember...zombie STRIPPERS.

Mike: mmfmfmmff

King: SEND ME A REVIEW FOR MY MOVIE SITE!! POSTHASTE (that means 'quick' - I know you're from New York and need this shit explained).

Thanks in advance.

Fiona: You've cracked the code!

Angry: Wow...you're ten minutes better than me. Lucky lady, your wife.

malach: your point?

Catscratch: Let me know and I'll give you my address.

Weird: Thanks for making my lack of stamina look like I'm Michael Phelps...except shorter and I have an ass.

MI: Yes...we'll pop it in right after the "Full House" reruns. Uncle Jesse rules.

Anonymous said...

Zombie strippers. Now doesn't that just fire up the old libido? The primary problem that I foresee with zombie strippers is that they probably have to be careful to not pull off too much of their rotting flesh when they take it off; take it all off.

Unknown said...

Well it's not the first time Jenna Jameson's been foaming at the mouth.

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

Did you go instant watch Xanadu? Admit it, you did!

Kellie said...

I have an award for you over on my blog. I admit, the award icon is pretty dang femmy for your blog, but it's an award nonetheless. :)

Thanks for making me laugh every day while I'm at work not working.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA...hilarious post :P loved it :P yeah let's hope all the dude next to you is the Heimlich :P

Moooooog35 said...

Joel Colonel Clink: Strippers can never take too much off.

That's rule #1 of being a Zombie Stripper.

Everyone knows that.

Meghan: Great. There's goes another five minutes.

Becky: I am proud to say that I've never - EVER - seen Xanadu.

On a related note, Olivia Newton John is SO HOT.

Kellie: Thanks! I'll ignore it almost immediately!

I mean..um...I'll acknowledge it next week!

Retirement: Welcome! How's that retirement income doing? I'm guessing it's dropping faster than the head of my wiggly.

Baking With Plath said...

Some strippers could be mistaken for zombies, depending on the part of town you're in.

Anonymous said...

I Love Me Some Jenna Jameson

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