Here's to Hoping for Incision-Free Balls in 2009! | Mental Poo

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Here's to Hoping for Incision-Free Balls in 2009!


The year I whacked off and got candy.

Let's hope 2009 is this good.

Today, I bring you a retrospective of the year in "Mental Poo."

Please. Don't get up.

God knows I can't without Levitra.

Stupid penis.

Regardless, I know I've got some new readers...and the year's end is a time for 'looking back.'

This differs from the 'looking back' that Bubba made me do during my prison stint.


Why that asshole needed eye contact, I have no idea.

Mother issues.

But I've digressed.

Here are some things we discussed in 2008:

1) Great Balls of Chocolaty Goodness!

As most of you know, I had my vasectomy done in 2007.


Jesus H. Christ.

I can still hear the nurse laughing.

HOWEVER, I was able to finish my Icky Sticky Advent Calender in 2008.

That's right.

My wife set me up with the sweet deal of meeting my mandatory 25 ejaculations with a candy bar reward after each one.


You can read about my great finale here:

My Post is Really Long - I Should Whack it for Some Candy

A crowning achievement of that post is when I debut the term:


Listen...I don't have much. Let me have my moment.

2) "Dear Moog" makes it's inaugural debut

I debuted my advice column:

"Dear Moog..."

..on February 8th, 2008.

Here is the very first letter.

To see all the letters that followed, click here.

To submit a "Dear Moog" letter, click here.


Bad advice knows no boundaries.

3) I Go Under the Fucking Knife AGAIN

Well...not the "fucking knife."

That would be horrible and not even a little sexy.

I get shoulder surgery.

It's at this point in my life that I begin to consider that I'm completely falling apart.

Oh...look... ear just fell off.


4) My Mississippi Business Trip Goes Horribly, Horribly Wrong

Bullets. Death. Urine. in Mississippi.

As told by one short little guy from New Hampshire who damn near shit his pants every single fucking horrible ass-eating day I was there.

Lotsa fun!

Day 1 - the terror at my arrival

Day 2 - bullets and the barricade

Day 3 - epilogue

5) I Create "Moog's Movie Reviews"

I branch off and create a movie review site:

Moog's Movie Reviews

People everywhere, around the world, continue to not give a shit.

6) I Go to Seattle

All the travelogue episodes are here.

Homeless people everywhere say:

My eyes are eaten by yellow snowflies!


Don't listen to homeless people.

They're fucking crazy.

7) I Turned 40

Yep...I turned 40 years old.

Young, nubile chicks everywhere flee.

No different than usual...really.

8) Happy Anniversary, Loser

I debut my wife's anniversary present here on this blog.

I'm a narcissist.

Which, I believe, means I screw dead people.

Don't judge.


Here's to a decent 2009 for you all.

Thanks for sticking around.

Send money. That would make 2009 really good.

Thanks in advance.

Moog out.


Narm said...

I look forward to another year of laughs, tears and gag reflexes in 2009.

But not the "fucking knife".

Rahul said...

I look forward to less poo in 2009.

Oh I'm at the wrong blog.

Kellie said...

Looking forward to reading more about poo, farts, whacking, etc. No one writes about it all better than you.
Happy 2009!

Bon Don said...

Yes looking forward to all the poo, whacking and laughter in 2009!Happy New "One"

rachaelgking said...

Happy New Year, Moog. Your poo is my poo. Wait...

Heff said...

Jesus Kryst !! Here's hoping you don't fall apart altogether in 2009 !

Happy New Year from Heff's Bar And Grill !

Anonymous said...

LOL And I so enjoyed hearing about it all. Okay. I have to admit that sometimes your choice of photos can leave me puking in my mouth, but you always leave me with my sides hurting from laughter.

Hope you have a wonderful and hilarious 2009...
and you tell us all about it! :)

Colleen said...

Looking forward to more sticky goodness from you in 2009!

Malicious Intent said...

OMG, I didn't realize I popped your advice column cherry. Yay! And good advice it was too!

I have left some Wenches out for folks for the new year. They worked for me at my fundraiser and they were naughty all night. Please pay a visit to the vixens that helped guilt most men into spending more in front of their wives. It was a beautiful site.

Happy New Year ya big turd! :) I do mean that with all of the respect I can manage to gather from my cold lifeless heart.

Here is to 2009...whatever the fuck that is going to bring.

Malach the Merciless said...

Reruns? RERUNS! I hate the TV season around the holidays.

Anonymous said...

Your perverse irreverence never ceases to amaze me. I would never have the courage to whack off in public... balls to you.

Happy New Year and long may you dribble.


Anonymous said...

Happy New Year!!! Every single one of those posts are pure comedy. I am looking forward to a new year filled with laughter!

fiona said...

Happy New Year Darlin and may your poo continue to "reek" in 2009!

Malicious Intent said...

What? I leave you plenty of pot shot material over my last two posts and not one moooooooog slam on either? ARe you dead? Or just taking a really extra extended long poo?

Don't go soft on me now!

Anonymous said...

I'm so, so proud to have had my "What is the female version of blue balls" question answered by the master!

Happy New Year to ya, doll!

Practically Joe said...

I can't believe you didn't mention the Motivational Posters.
Happy New Year you NUT!

Anonymous said...

whacking off and getting candy... getting rewarded twice.

It's good to be you ;)

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