Today on Mental Poo I'm debuting a new feature:
RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!!
An' all da bitches go 'ooooooooh.'
I know, I know.
That's some exciting shit right there, my friend.
Hold on while I take care of this woody.
(30 seconds later)
OKAY! Let's move on!
Um...
Anyone got any paper towels or keyboard disinfectant?
Nevermind. It'll flake off eventually.
It always does.
Today's news clipping:
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Octopus gets inside lunchbox at Boston aquarium
BOSTON -- What is 7-feet-long, weighs 30 pounds, has eight arms and fits in a 14-inch square box?
Answer: Truman, a hungry octopus who lives at the New England Aquarium.
Truman squeezed his flexible frame into the acrylic box on Thursday while trying to snag a tasty lunch of crabs.
In this case, the crabs were put in a smaller box inside the bigger box.
Impatient, Truman bypassed the locks and simply squeezed his tentacled body, Houdini-style, through a 2-inch hole in the exterior box.
But he never did get the smaller box open.
*******************
Um.
Anyone think this is fucking news?
Let's paraphrase this article, shall we?
Something goes to great lengths to get inside a box and ends up with crabs?
Jesus H. Christ.
That's pretty much the story of my fucking life.
"But he never did get the smaller box open."
Yep.
The similarities are scary.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Ripped from the Headlines!! The Pubescent Octopus Box
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22 comments:
Mooooog.
You have crabs?
I imagine on your small junk they'd get confused and migrate up to your head to hang with the lice?
Just wondering.
I have so many box comments going on in my head I don't know where to start.
8 arms not able to pry open a small box?
ROTFLMAO
Flake off? I've never laughed and vomited at the same time.
The 14 inch box is what I relate to. Wife never did bounce back after the last kid.
Can I smack Douglas for his comment? Please? Just a little one in the head?
I'd love men to be able to give birth just once, but I doubt us women could stand the crying and the whining.
I certainly hope you have a priest or someone come over every now & then to...'clean' up things around your den of iniquity Mooog.
It doesn't say anything about the octopus sitting in the fetal position and crying?
Where do you find this stuff??? lol
I've met Truman. Can't say I'm surprised. He reeked of FAIL.
mike: Yeah, dude. Been meaning to call ya. That little itch could be telling ya something.
Susan: Sound eerily similar to your bachelorette party?
Meleah: GUOTFADSW
(get up off the floor and do some work)
Douglas: Like hitting an open window?
Excellent comment, my friend.
Christina: ...and then WE'D be the ones with a stretched out hoop? I don't get why you'd want that for us.
That's just mean, is all.
KJ: Yes. A woman named "Mrs. John" does the duty for free. Go figure.
Narm: Are we brothers?
Tee: RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!!!
I thought that was self-explanatory. Jeez.
LiLu: You date invertebrates?!
I have a shot?!
I'm trying to come up w/ something funny using octopussy but my brain is dead from the weekend. Maybe tomorrow??? I'm sorry, I'm such a disappointment today!
Apparently eight is not enough!!!
Dude, I'm impressed. I know I couldn't do a 14 inch square box any good. It would be like a clapper in a bell.
Christina, my wife has already smacked me in the head for that so you don't have to. She also said something about my history of inaccurate sexual measurements or some such nonsense.
And here I thought this was another octomom story...
so you have eight hands and no skeleton and are all squishy?
Kelly, how about "Octopussy opens lunch box to take care of blogger's woodie?"
It hits on every aspect of the story!
Kellie: I can wait.
HURRY UP!!!
VE: Go tell THAT to Dick Van Patten!
Coffee: Nice work getting "clapper" in that reference.
Douglas: Well played.
Venom: I zig! I zag! I masturbate! You never know what's going to happen next!
MI: Yes. FYI - that's not a shart in your drawers.
WC#3: When did this become a caption contest?
I was thinking, who the hell cares, but you are right...small box, with crabs, it's important stuff. Now get your tenticles away from me.
I love that octopus!
I'm speechless with this one... but I did laugh! and hard!
Loved it. You still rock, Moooooog.
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