Ripped from the Headlines!! The Pubescent Octopus Box | Mental Poo

Monday, March 16, 2009

Ripped from the Headlines!! The Pubescent Octopus Box


Today on Mental Poo I'm debuting a new feature:

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!!

An' all da bitches go 'ooooooooh.'

I know, I know.

That's some exciting shit right there, my friend.

Hold on while I take care of this woody.

(30 seconds later)

OKAY! Let's move on!

Um...

Anyone got any paper towels or keyboard disinfectant?

Nevermind. It'll flake off eventually.

It always does.


Today's news clipping:

***********************
Octopus gets inside lunchbox at Boston aquarium

BOSTON -- What is 7-feet-long, weighs 30 pounds, has eight arms and fits in a 14-inch square box?

Answer: Truman, a hungry octopus who lives at the New England Aquarium.

Truman squeezed his flexible frame into the acrylic box on Thursday while trying to snag a tasty lunch of crabs.

In this case, the crabs were put in a smaller box inside the bigger box.

Impatient, Truman bypassed the locks and simply squeezed his tentacled body, Houdini-style, through a 2-inch hole in the exterior box.


But he never did get the smaller box open.
*******************


Um.

Anyone think this is fucking news?

Let's paraphrase this article, shall we?

Something goes to great lengths to get inside a box and ends up with crabs?

Jesus H. Christ.

That's pretty much the story of my fucking life.

"But he never did get the smaller box open."

Yep.

The similarities are scary.

22 comments:

Mike said...

Mooooog.

You have crabs?

I imagine on your small junk they'd get confused and migrate up to your head to hang with the lice?

Just wondering.

Susan said...

I have so many box comments going on in my head I don't know where to start.

8 arms not able to pry open a small box?

meleah rebeccah said...

ROTFLMAO

Douglas said...

Flake off? I've never laughed and vomited at the same time.
The 14 inch box is what I relate to. Wife never did bounce back after the last kid.

Christina_the_wench said...

Can I smack Douglas for his comment? Please? Just a little one in the head?

I'd love men to be able to give birth just once, but I doubt us women could stand the crying and the whining.

Kevin John said...

I certainly hope you have a priest or someone come over every now & then to...'clean' up things around your den of iniquity Mooog.

Narm said...

It doesn't say anything about the octopus sitting in the fetal position and crying?

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Where do you find this stuff??? lol

LiLu said...

I've met Truman. Can't say I'm surprised. He reeked of FAIL.

moooooog35 said...

mike: Yeah, dude. Been meaning to call ya. That little itch could be telling ya something.

Susan: Sound eerily similar to your bachelorette party?

Meleah: GUOTFADSW

(get up off the floor and do some work)

Douglas: Like hitting an open window?

Excellent comment, my friend.

Christina: ...and then WE'D be the ones with a stretched out hoop? I don't get why you'd want that for us.

That's just mean, is all.

KJ: Yes. A woman named "Mrs. John" does the duty for free. Go figure.

Narm: Are we brothers?

Tee: RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!!!

I thought that was self-explanatory. Jeez.

LiLu: You date invertebrates?!

I have a shot?!

Kellie said...

I'm trying to come up w/ something funny using octopussy but my brain is dead from the weekend. Maybe tomorrow??? I'm sorry, I'm such a disappointment today!

VE said...

Apparently eight is not enough!!!

coffeypot said...

Dude, I'm impressed. I know I couldn't do a 14 inch square box any good. It would be like a clapper in a bell.

Douglas said...

Christina, my wife has already smacked me in the head for that so you don't have to. She also said something about my history of inaccurate sexual measurements or some such nonsense.

Venom said...

And here I thought this was another octomom story...

Malicious Intent said...

so you have eight hands and no skeleton and are all squishy?

wc#3 said...

Kelly, how about "Octopussy opens lunch box to take care of blogger's woodie?"

It hits on every aspect of the story!

moooooog35 said...

Kellie: I can wait.

HURRY UP!!!

VE: Go tell THAT to Dick Van Patten!

Coffee: Nice work getting "clapper" in that reference.

Douglas: Well played.

Venom: I zig! I zag! I masturbate! You never know what's going to happen next!

MI: Yes. FYI - that's not a shart in your drawers.

WC#3: When did this become a caption contest?

Stacie said...

I was thinking, who the hell cares, but you are right...small box, with crabs, it's important stuff. Now get your tenticles away from me.

Malach the Merciless said...

I love that octopus!

Bon Don said...

I'm speechless with this one... but I did laugh! and hard!

prin said...

Loved it. You still rock, Moooooog.

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