A CONTEST!!! - Bloo is Gay and Likes Eating Men's Bums in Texas | Mental Poo

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A CONTEST!!! - Bloo is Gay and Likes Eating Men's Bums in Texas

Before I start today, I've got a movie review of "The Day the Earth Stood Still" over on Moog's Movie Reviews.

Finally....a movie in which Keannu Reeves shows emotion!!

Just kidding.

ONWARD!!

*********************
A contest. Here.

You read it right.

Today, after almost TWO YEARS of writing this stupid fucking blog...

...I'm having a contest.

Here's what inspired it.

Back after Thanksgiving, I wrote a post entitled:

Fuck Alton Brown

In this post, I basically announced a jihad on that fuckhead, because he almost wiped out my entire family with salmonella poisoning.

Asshole.

Whatever.

So...I get THIS comment on that post this past weekend:

From: Bloo

"The Doggy Did It's turkey came out fine....Yours didn't cuz you're a fucking moron. Go kill yourself you Dick! Fucking Dumbass..."

* blink

Um.

First off, I'm amazed that an in-bowl toilet cleaner has managed to (a) get out of the toilet and (b) learned how to not only type BUT surf the Internet as well!


Actually, maybe it's not the toilet cleaner Bloo I'm thinking about.

That would be awesome, though...wouldn't it?

Regardless...toilet cleaner or not...

This boy has some serious fucking turkey issues.


Being a professional comedian means that you have to take the bad responses as well as the good ones.

It also means you have to be a pathological liar and lie about shit like being a professional comedian.

I'll give you a minute with that one.

Back? Okay.

Let's check out Bloo's MySpace Page:


Hmmm..

****************
Mood: Fucked Up

Body type: 5' 8" / More to love!

Income: Less than $30,000
****************

LOOK OUT, LADIES!!

* cricket

Actually, now that I'm checking out his MySpace page...

Chances are that he probably WILL still be a toilet cleaner.

I've digressed.

Regardless, I quickly came up with two comebacks.

Trust me, I can come up with more...but at the risk of losing my dignity.

Sometimes I make myself laugh.

Here are a couple I came up with (first, let's see that awesomely well thought out comment from the toilet cleaner again!):

"The Doggy Did It's turkey came out fine....Yours didn't cuz you're a fucking moron. Go kill yourself you Dick! Fucking Dumbass..."

The short comeback:

...mom...?

The medium Comeback:

Wow, Bloo.

Sounds like you have some issues with your mother.

Next time she's over and I'm 5 knuckles deep in her ass, I'll make sure she talks to you about it.


The Next Comeback:

This is where YOU come in.

THE CONTEST:


I want you to come up with your best comeback for this meatball.

Put your entry in the comments section of this post or email it to me.

EXTRA POINTS to anyone who makes this quest into their very own blog post on their site.

There, you can use photos, etc., to really customize the verbal beating you give to this stupid douchewad.

I'm not bitter.

Entries will be graded and based on two criteria:

1) If they make me laugh
2) If they are accompanied by nude photos via email

Obviously, I'm kidding.

I'm only grading on #2.

What's up for grabs?!

A COVETED, AUTHENTIC...

"MENTAL POO" Coffee Mug!!!


FYI:

I have a store where I sell this shit.

Since no one is buying any of it, I apparently have to fucking give it away.

So..please...buy my shit.

* sigh

The deadline for entries is a week from today...

..and I will announce the winner as soon as I browse through all the porn.

I mean...go through all the entries.

In the meantime, check out Bloo's MySpace page and give him shit.

Be careful, though.

He looks all gangsta.

"The Obsessed Turkey Gangstas" would be a great name for a band.

Whatever...send me your best.

Thanks in advance.

Good luck!!

45 comments:

Blonde Goddess said...

I WANT THAT MUG!

LiLu said...

Dear Turkey-Obsessed Bloo:

Look, I'm really sorry that moog refused to put the turkey baster full of Alton's semen up your ass like you wanted, but I'm sure you've had plenty of offers on myspace. I understand why moog consumes your thoughts- he does it to all of us, after all- but A) moog is a celebrity. Did you really expect him to do it for free? And making $30K a year, well... you didn't stand a chance. B) Judging from the dazed and special expression you wear in all of your pictures, you probably assumed you would then be preggers with moog's baby... and who wouldn't want that? But until you're POST-op, I'm afraid, a baby just isn't in the cards for you.

Now back away from the celebrity... and why don't you just stay away from the local schools and Chuck E Cheese, too.

Fucking freak.

Lady Sarcasm said...

Bloo- the other white meat if he doesn't back off and clean up his douchebag. He betta recognize!

Yet said...

hahaha. How fun! There's one way to deal with haters! Now just sit back and watch the fireworks...

FawkesFire said...

"Dear Bloo,

wow. you certainly have a lot of pent up rage there, don't you? Look, I understand your dad "left"...aka "got locked up for 20 to life" and such....and you got several female friends who don't even want to take pictures with you and such...but seriously, time to grow up. You're not on the little bus anymore, sweetie. You have to learn to use your "big words" now that your all grown up and out in the big world now, ok?

Fawkes

p.s BTW, if you're going to go online and start making a damn fool of yourself and be damn stupid enough to make your myspace public, at least be smart enough to lie about your pathetic self.

Me-Me King said...

Bloo-fucking-who?

moooooog35 said...

BG: Then buy it! Collect them all!

There's two.

But I have shirts that write about boobs and stuff.

You could get those, too.

Thanks in advance.

Lilu: That's the spirit!!

Lady: Girl goes streetwise!

Yet: I'm so excited. See? Look at my nipples!

Don't stare. That's just rude.

Fawkes: Thanks for playing!!

* still awaiting nude pics

Me-Me: Short and sweet. Like me but with smaller biceps.

I'm awesome.

FawkesFire said...

or...

"Dear Bloo,

The only thing more pathetic then a wannabe gangsta is a wannabe gangsta surfing the web looking at blogs using the key search words "Fuck Alton Brown".....that just screams for help.....

I mean...I know there are things like 'stumble upon" and such, but seriously? "Fuck Alton Brown" is just NOT something you come across on accident. It's just not. Bloo, sweetie, is there anything you need to say? Are you looking for some man on boy attention? (the boy being you, btw)

Stop taking out your sexually confused rage on Moog. Save it for the therapy sessions.

Fawkes

p.s The first step to happiness is acknowledging who you are inside. You apparently are a Gangsta Wannabe with Gay Tendencies. Go decorate an interior. And don't forget to smile.

FawkesFire said...

Moog, as soon as I post nude pictures, I'll let you know. Might be a while, but I'll let you know.

Just A Girl said...

Oh god I'm having convulsions over the blog he "wrote" (aka copied and pasted from somewhere just as stupid as his myspace) called "Math Is So True". No offense homes, but you have never had sex ever. And if you have...woo. I pity the girl who thought THAT was a good plan. I can't even think of a good comeback yet because I'm too busy laughing my face off.

Just his default picture. Dear lord. And did you see his sweet Hyundai? Because I'm pretty sure it's a hatchback but I can't tell because he doesn't know how to take a picture in the daytime. Siiick ride homie! Almost as sick as your "steel blue astral board" in your awesome album of pictures from a game. WOOO.

Can I get yo numba? Can I?

P.S. I love you Moog. This made my morning.

LBluca77 said...

Oh I am going to have to give this some thought and my fucking work doesn't let us go on myspace. Dammit, ok I am going to have to go out his myspace tonight when I get home.

Stupid work.

Chris said...

Hey Bloo, what's your last name, "My Priest"?

FawkesFire said...

MOOOG!!!! omg, the idiot Bloo has a Truth Box on his myspace page!!! you can send him random comments and he'll never know who it was from!!! GAH!!! seriously....this is too easy. it's below his "who I'd like to meet" section.....too easy. way too easy. and the great part about this is...you don't have to be one of his friends to send this!! omg!!! Moog, why on earth did you not mention the fact that he has a truth box?!?!?

The Hussy Housewife said...

I love it.."He looks gangsta.."

He ain't mess with the janked up bee-och!!

I will have to ponder a response worthy of his bloo-ness.

justjp said...

Let us review Bloo:

Shitty tattoo's + wife beater + dollar store shades - personality - a grammatically sound attack x douche bag = Future winner of the Dallas County Correctional Institutions "boy, you got a pretty face award."

BTW I am so using this: Next time she's over and I'm 5 knuckles deep in her ass, I'll make sure she talks to you about it.

moooooog35 said...

Fawkes: Stacking the deck, I see.

Decent strategy. Let's see if it pays off!

JustaGirl: All excellent and valid points. I, too, noticed the..um...'fantasy art' but felt it was too easy.

But that's me. The Hyundai and 'Math is so true' blog? You just can't make this shit up.

lbluca: my nipples are erect with anticipation!

Actually...it might just be the air conditioning. Whatever.

Chris: AWESOME. Short and sweet...just like me except for the 'sweet' part.

Fawkes: He DOES have a 'truth' box. I told him in it that he's inspired my first ever contest in hopes that he'll pop back over.

Now...we wait.

Hussy: (see earlier lbluca nipple response and copy/paste here)

justjp: Dude...tough one to beat, so far...

..but we have 6 more days!

Ante up, people! JP's raised the bar.

PhilipDyer said...

Don't feel bad. If my ride were a bitchin’ Hyundai Accent and my bling consisted entirely of Wal-Mart stunners and a high school citizenship award, it would take me all night to stunt too.

PhilipDyer said...

Whoever said "Everything's bigger in Texas" has clearly not seen my dick. This rules out my friends Ronald and Eric.

Jenn Thorson said...

I'm just wondering why anyone should kill themselves because their turkey didn't turn out well?

If everybody said Goodbye Cruel World after a dry Thanksgiving bird, we'd all have a lot fewer relatives at the family festivities each year...

Hm.

Now I'm thinking about it-- tempting. But still wrong. :)

PhilipDyer said...

Anyone who posts a picture of himself demonstrating that 1) He sleeps in a hair net 2) He can't grow a mustache, is okay in my book. But then again, my book is called "Extraordinarily Self-Unaware Douchebags."

kathcom said...

The more I look at this guy's page, the more sorry I feel for him.

His blog entry "Math is So True" is tragic.

I think the tattoo on his chest says SHELBY, meaning his brother died, his dog died, his girlfriend who had a stupid name died or he wishes he could have a Mustang instead of a fucking Hyundai.

The closest this guy will ever get to being a gangsta is wearing his do rag and playing Grand Theft Auto.

I think the tattoo on his chest should read STOP DROOLING backwards so he could read it in the mirror and mop up his stupid chin.

Moooooog, you know I would dearly love to get that mug, especially since I just closed down my own unintentionally non-profit gift shop. But there is no way I can top your 5 knuckle comment. You rule.

moooooog35 said...

Phil: Awesome, as usual. The last 'douchebags' one, though?

uber Awesome.

yes. I said 'uber.'

I'm gay.

Jenn: No shit, eh?

Someone had a very bad experience with Butterball as a child, I imagine.

Kathcom: YOU CAN BUY THE MUG!!

YOU CAN BUY IT!! I HAVE A STORE!!

Someone...please buy a mug.

I cry sometimes.

PhilipDyer said...

Dude, how did you get into DeVry? I was never able to get past their sole admissions requirement of being able to sign my name on a form.

Malach the Merciless said...

"Your named Bloo cause Mom stopped having sex with you?"

lbluca77 said...

Bloo,

You of all people should never be calling Moog or anyone for that matter a fucking dumbass. You could be the Queen in the fucking dumbass parade of life.

First up, you have a so called “friend” named Fucc u hoes $.x.$ til I die 6itch. One has to assume he didn’t graduate with you or even pass the 2nd grade based on his amazing spelling and grammar skills. There’s no need to talk to a garden tool like that, fool!

Second you seem to think you are some kind of gangsta. Gangsters don’t drive a Hyundai and they don’t post pictures of it on myspace. Oh but I am sure girls are lined up begging you to take them for a ride. But maybe I am wrong, I have heard Hyundai is Swahili for gangsta pimp.

Clearly Bloo, you have no friends based on half of your myspace pictures being of some gay computer game instead of human beings. Now I am sorry that your dad is so obviously getting butt raped in the state penitentiary but even your fake myspace friends don’t care since you not only didn’t get one comment but you didn’t even get any kudos.

Maybe you should take that $100 you got for graduation and at least pay someone to be your friend you fucking dumbass.

P.S. I do hope you will accept my myspace friends request.

coffeypot said...

Boo, Just Fuck You!

Original and it rhymes.

Un[Censored] said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Un[Censored] said...

Moog, I got your back, and yes, that is a microphone in my pocket but I can't remember how it got there...*snicker*...but as you say, I DIGRESS! Let's get shit back on track and do this damn thing.

Dear Bloo,

I have questions and comments I'd like to share with you. Let me elaborate. Jeez, where should I start?!

"The doggy did it's turkey came out fine..."

Is that code for you just pulled your thumb out of your ass and smelled it? ...Or did you fuck your cooked Thanksgiving turkey? I am really confused here.

Secondly, the name Bloo...last I saw, that was a character on a cartoon that 5 year old children watch. It makes me think that you may not be able to understand "grown up tv". Can you actually read or did you copy and past all of your posts from someone else's site?

Next. Let's discuss your myspace page.

Your profile picture leaves much to be desired. If I were a chick that actually liked dudes, the first thing I'd notice are your huge man titties. Fashion note: wife beaters don't hide them and those Dollar Tree "shades" don't take away the attention to your huge knockers EITHER. Sorry to break it to you.

On top of that, I agree with the other folks...making less than $30,000.00 isn't very impressive, infact, it's down right shameful...but it does explain why you have a Hyundai and not a HONDA. You are about 5,000 miles from "The Fast and the Furious" status...but nice try. Poseur.

Lastly, you are not a "hustler" nor are you "chillin". You live in Texas and you look like a sheep fucker. Be a proud sheep fucker, though...just go with it. No need to deny it. You could probably join a sheep fucking club.

Bloo, it is obvious that you are an EPIC loser and that's not even counting the lamer gaming shit you have in your photo albums...but that's besides the point.

The point is, Moog has a career and has a family (he can also read large words). You, on the other hand, probably clean toilets with your bare hands at McDonalds because they are afraid to let you cook fries...so, keep your immature and obviously incoherent comments to yourself and go back to licking the strawberry flavored windows on the short bus that is your, pathetic, untouchable, life.

Thank you for reading and if any of those words were too big for you, try the Webster's dictionary...

Crys


PS. Moog rocks mah sox!

FawkesFire said...

Having viewed this guy's myspace at work (Yup, I work hard) and having now gotten the chance to show this myspace page to all my co-workers, his Truth Box just got flooded with I think it was 47 comments when the Boss finally walked in.....

Then the boss looked at the guy's page and asked me to add "grow up you wannabe gangsta- pimple ridden- twinkie eating-blank eyed- piece of filth that gives nerds a bad name. You shame Texas by living there. Go hide in your Hyundai and fap to nude pictures of Alton Brown you short bus riding loser." to his Truth Box.....

Yup..that's my Boss. I love my Boss.

FawkesFire said...

Bloo,

Did you know that every time you masterbate the Universe throws a party? Why you might ask.

It's cause the Universe knows more of your sperm will die a very lonely death. But most importantly, you're not making more little versions of you somewhere.

Keep up all the hard work. We're all pulling for you.

Thanks for keeping the gene pool clear!

Fawkes

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

dear mr. bloo(balls) . . . moog took your advice and killed himself. you were right - he was a fucking moron and dumbass.

deluded said...

dear bloo,

I live in india.

but i can still send you some money over, it seems you need it more than I do.

Chris Wood said...

Taking on mental power as great as that is just impossible ... sorry.

moooooog35 said...

Holy fuckshit!

You people are awesome.

ClaireMontgomeryMD: You're next on my list, woman! Keep it up.

That's what she said.

Holy fuck, (Un)Censored...you may want to take up some sort of hobby.

Thanks, everyone...keep 'em coming! They're all awesome.

VE said...

Dear Bloo,
Scientology is looking for you!
- Tom Cruise

Narm said...

Hm, Bloo what an interesting name.

It also happens to be the color of your balls AND what you did to Clay Aiken last night.

Raspootin said...

Dear Blubbering Bloo,

Did you have a traumatic experience with a turkey? Maybe you should have your mommy or daddy kiss your little Bloo Bloo and make it all better; poor little Blobby Baby.

Un[Censored] said...

Yeah Moog, I tried that. Popcicle stick art. But you see, I work for an insurance company and I need to let out frustration and popcicle art just didn't work for me, so I decided that...insulting retards was the outlet that worked best...thus, my reply to bloo.

Works for me.

rs27 said...

Bloo? More like Poo.

Where's that mug?!?!

DouglasDyer said...

First short response - "Does your Mommy know you're using her computer?"

binks said...

Bloo -
I'm not sure what the Bloo refers to, maybe you're a smurf. Bloo Smurf, Chronda Smurf, WayWay and ShayShay Smurf (obviously twins) - seems logical. BTW, that Benji is some mad skrill, I am sure that will put you over the 30k range.

ps - you may want to remove your real name (Chris Roberts) and any links to your myspace page before you start flaming a major celebrity.

Speaking of flaming..... have you looked in a mirror recently??

DouglasDyer said...

Dearest Bloo, Mongoloid Esq.,

How sweet of you to stop pasting Alton Brown’s head on Richard Gere’s body and scrape the semen out from under your nails long enough to drop me that thoughtful note! You are an absolute stitch! But the language! I mean, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Ha ha…oh, you do? Well, who could blame her? Listen, since you said I was a “Fucking Moron” and a “Fucking Dumbass” I just wanted to make sure you understood that I meant the turkey I cooked came out inedibly raw, not that it wasn’t a great fuck. I fucked the giblets right out of that little gobbler, if I do say so myself! So thank you for your concern but, no “fucking moron” here! PS – I saw your MySpace pictures and I really want to congratulate you on your hatchback! And your car too! I don’t know what that means so there’s NO WAY you do either. Oh, and good luck parlaying that C-note into a pre-community-college sexual encounter! Make sure he gives you your change! PPS – A bunch of guys at work think you didn’t really graduate but just happened to pass by a graduation while wearing your teal dress. If you could be a tub of peaches and send me a copy of your diploma, I would win my own $100! Thanks in advance!

moooooog35 said...

You guys totally have my back.

Please return it at once...I really have to take a shit.

This is going to be a close one...I'm all tingly with excitement!

* touching left nipple

kathcom said...

I know I can buy the mug but I never bought one of my own and now it's too late. I'm conflicted. And broke.

Anonymous said...

From Gareth in Thailand.

I know I'm too late but this is too funny not to comment.

"Man if I was you I'd make like my car, get high n die"

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