Try it at Home, Kids: Fly With Purple Skeletons and That's Why | Mental Poo

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Try it at Home, Kids: Fly With Purple Skeletons and That's Why

Before I start:

Don't forget the BIIIIIIIG contest that I started yesterday.

You can win an authentic "Mental Poo" Mug!

Which, you know...

...you can also buy at my store.

Fine.

Contest ain't that big.

You have 6 more days to enter!

Now...ONWARD!!

***********************

It's another episode of Moooooog's "Try it at Home" series!

Hooray.

For me.

Hooray for me.

Woohoo.

You know, it would really help my self asteem if you'd at least snap your fingers or some shit.

Thanks.

Today, I give you yet another annoying thing that I do on a pretty regular basis.

Amused, my wife is not.

Yoda was the fo-shizzle.

Today's thing:

The Unintelligible Reply

I hate when this shit happens.

I'll be upstairs or somewhere TOTALLY out of earshot...

...and my wife (or Asian prostitute - depends on the day and time)...

...shouts something to me from, like, down in the basement totally out of earshot.

Wife (yelling because she's 900 feet away): "ROD?!"

Me: "WHAT?!?"

Wife: "Where is the mwaang get the gwaangh slee bwith mapeph?"

* blink

What the fuck did she just say?

Anyone know? Anyone?

Because I have no fucking clue.

No.

No one knows.

No one knows because she's on a different floor of the house...at the total opposite end...

...probably behind cardboard boxes or my stained Elvira Halloween cutout (good times...good times) and shouting some shit to me at the top of her lungs and I can't understand a fucking word she's saying.


So I shout back something like this:

Me: "I put the blue ladder up the kitchen to get the green sneakers!!"

* silence

After about 10 seconds of my wife trying to process what the fuck she just heard, I get:

Wife: "WHAT?!?!"

Me: "EXACTLY!!"

Most times, my wife wants to kill me.


Par for the course really.

Hold on...she's calling me now for something.

Me: "I PUT IT OVER THE BLANKET WITH THE HAT IN THE ELF RAINBOW!"

Seriously.

She's going to kill me.

Go ahead kids:

Try it at home.

22 comments:

Sass said...

More fun that Yoda speak, there is nothing.

Sass said...

Oh, sorry. After the Yoda reference, I kinda lost interest.

I'll have to go back and read the rest.

Mike said...

Luckily for me, my house is small enough this NEVER happens. Never.

As a matter of fact I hear my neighbors too. And I thought I was a sick fuck.

Malicious Intent said...

I don't understand what the problem is. Made perfect sense to me. Even if me and my husband are in the same room, that is basically the same conversation, since he listens so well.

FawkesFire said...

well....you can always get a pair of walkie talkies that work long range? or a intercom system.

But I feel your pain my friend. I live in a two story house and its annoying to have to shout up and down the stairs.

have a nice day. :)

justjp said...

This shit happens to me all the time. I just pretend not to hear it.Gets me out of a lot of work.

Chris said...

Ah, even if (when) she dumps your ass, you still have Elvira.

Blonde Goddess said...

I'm going to have to BUY a fucking coffee mug because my computer is acting all possessed and everything. Hopefully it won't kick me off before I get to post this comment.

The sledgehammer is looking better and better but I've been assured that they can fix this damn thing so I'll just torment the neighbors until I can get back online regularly...

Becky..AMHW said...

Yelling across the house for shit is one of my pet peeves. You call dogs that way, not people.

You need to ask something? Get up, go ask it...or at least use your cell phone and text it.

And if you text it expect a "FU make ur own snax" in response.

DouglasDyer said...

I HATE that! My wife will be outside mowing the yard or mixing concrete to extend the patio and she'll scream something that she KNOWS I can't hear because I always watch Oprah full blast. Soooo inconsiderate!

Olly said...

At our house, if you are in the office downstairs you can't hear someone yelling from upstairs. We've taken to stomping on the floor a couple times overhead. Sad, but true. Sadder yet? Our company installs them.

moooooog35 said...

Sass: it's okay...after your first comment, I lost interest as well.

Mike: Aaaah. Life in a refrigerator box.

Thanks for rubbing that shit in.

MI: Sorry. What?

Wasn't paying attention.

Fawkes: Walkie talkies? Intercom system?

What does this look like, Charlie's Angels?

justjp: What kind of work? Like, 'hiding the bodies' kind of stuff?

Chris: EXACTLY.

My penis has paper cuts.

BG: Thank you for your post-pertinent comment.

Becky: You call dogs that way? Get up and go ask? Use your cell phone and text it?

Sure thing, Hitler. Jeez. Make some more fucking rules.

Doug: OOOH! Is Kirstey Alley on again?!?!?

Ahem. No reason.

Olly: Your company installs what? The best I can figure is that they install people who stomp on the floor.

That's just fucking weird.

LiLu said...

I give you snaps EVERY time I read a post, despite the weird looks it gets me at the office.

*snap*

Maxie said...

omg do you live in a barbie house?! you know with the side open and everything.

if so, can i move in with you?

moooooog35 said...

Lilu: Not as weird as when I read yours and jump up saying 'yippee!'

Maxie: We do.

Winters here are harsh to us.

coffeypot said...

See! Being able to communicate is very important in a marriage. But having fun is essential. I'll wait till my wife is busy doing something that requires concentration - like tying her shoes or eating or something - and I will ask her, "Are you going to take the bus today or did you bring your lunch?" Her shoes come untied or her fork falls from her hand. Funny Stuff!!! I see you have found the magic, too.

Malach the Merciless said...

Uhh, why not just Kill her first, follow the example of Our Lord, OJ Simpson.

Yet said...

hehe. you're bad! My BF better never try that mess! I fully expect him to get up and come see what I wanted...even though I was the one who wanted him...expect what he really does is just sit there and acts like he didn't hear me at all so that I'll come to him...

Kellie said...

Oh no. Do I admit to you that I do the exact same thing and my husband yells at me for it. Oops.

Blonde Goddess said...

It WAS a post pertinent comment!!!!
I was informing you that I would NOT be winning your contest because my computer was fucked up!

And now for the post pertinent comment:
Your wife's painting skills are excellent. You should allow her to paint a mural on your motorcycle.

binks said...

Sweet idea for my dumbass secretary who is always yelling across the office for something. It will be fun, and will totally make my day.

meleah rebeccah said...

*snaps*

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