The Unveiling of Mrs. Moog | Mental Poo

Monday, August 31, 2009

The Unveiling of Mrs. Moog

She's the hottest chick in the Hangman game.

Let me explain.

From time to time here, I mention my wife, Jen.

I try not to do this too often, as she often expects royalties from publishing her name here.

Since I've made roughly 53 fucking cents on this site, it hardly seems worth it.

Gold digger.

I've also never posted a picture of myself past high school on this blog - and, therefore, never posted one of my wife, either.

Until now.

You daughter, Payton...

Likes to draw.

We really wish she'd take up another hobby.

Like, inventing something that makes her rich and is able to then support her deadbeat parents who, in all honesty, don't really feel like putting in the effort anymore.

For anything (helping out, raising children, working, self pleasuring, etc.).

I've digressed.

But, yeah, my daughter likes to draw.


Without further ado, I present to you...

Mrs. Moog!


This is a drawing my daughter, Payton, did of my wife at school last year.

I particularly like the fact that:

1) half of her head is shaved bald

2) she has one ear

3) apparently, the top of her nose could pop balloons

4) she has no feet

5) she suffers from a major case of elephantitis of the skull

On a related note: a woman with these actual qualities would make the highest grossing porn movie of all time.

Don't ask me how I know that.

(Call me)

Also, my daughter believes that my wife has tilted, oval boobs that are directly in line with her armpits.


Why couldn't you draw mom with elephantitis of THOSE?


In the picture, I mean, honey.

I'm perfectly happy with your oval armpit boobs the way they are.

Ah, shit.

I'm SO owing her money after this.

Good luck collecting!!

I've hidden that 53 cents pretty well.


Buzzardbilly said...

THAT picture is priceless. Seriously. You must always save it. Perhaps have it hermetically sealed against the ravages of time.

My sides hurt just from trying to read your points under the picture.

Christina_the_wench said...

What is Mrs. Moooog looking at too? She looks like she is eyeing some massive mound of chocolate or a 12 inch penis and we all know that isn't you so....

Bird Shit said...

Seriously, your wife is hot. I'm considering switching teams!

Hope said...

You sure did marry a looker!

Anonymous said...

Dude, you should send that photo to one of those amateur "your wife/girlfriend exposed" porn sites. That would be awesome.

Gauche said...


that's just priceless. Maybe your daughter is a abstract artist?

Moooooog35 said...

Buzzard: Wait til you see the one she drew of me.


It's coming.

(that's what she said)

Christina: bet is on the chocolate.

Bird Shit: I know. I'm considering switching teams, too.



Hope: Looker rhymes with hooker.

Just thought I'd point that out.

Justjp: Dude.

Links are helpful.

Thanks in advance.

Gauche: If by 'abstract' you mean 'bad,' then I think you're right.

The Peach Tart said...

Moog. I'm sure the wife is hot and all and that the spawn will draw more accurate renditions in the future. I mean remember the pic of you on the toilet. She hasn't learned yet to draw the most flattering depictions.

Just A Girl said...

For a second I thought your wife was the black stripper.



Anonymous said...

OK that made me laugh more than anything else I've seen today. I love that shit. Your daughter, contrary to your belief, is a goddamn GENIUS! I'm sorry for Jen though, I hope her baldness dissipates soon and she sports a full head of hair again. And makes you sleep on the couch for a week for the boobs thing. :)

Moooooog35 said...

Peach: Actually...that picture of me on the crapper was pretty spot-on.

Just a Girl:

...that's my mistress, Diamond.


Kellie: You're right!

I shall hobble her at once!!

Veggie Assassin: Jesus H. Christ.

You women all ganging up on me.




Wait...where was I?

If it wasn't for JP, I'd be the only guy on here commenting...and even JP is questionable.

The Absent Minded Housewife said...

When my oldest was around 3 or 4 he was very concerned with his penis and so the drawings of people in his life tended to include penises, whether those persons were dressed or not.

So while your wife has perky boobies, the pictures my son drew of me feature me with a little limpy.

I thought he'd outgrown that but he's 15 now....

Unknown said...

Her drawings remind me of your avatar. She is sooooo going to be a handful. Just like her dad. Well done Payton!

rachaelgking said...

Your wife and I are doppelgangers!

At least in the boob.


Moonrayvenne said...

So what's next? A family portrait. That should be a good one. Looking forward to more drawing from your daughter.
Make sure Mrs. Moog wears a shirt that covers her armpit boobs better next time. They seem to have squeezed out the top! LOL

Malach the Merciless said...


Gauche said...

I think you should have your daughter draw a family portrait. The picture she drew of you on the toilet was a gem. Seriously, she's observant....and she's got a weird sense of humor....she's your daughter, Moog. But tell her that mommy will love her more if she gives her pictures more hair, two ears and feet.

Chris said...

Okay, and now you have to post her drawing of YOU. That should be priceless. You might want to coach her again on the elephantitis thing.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

At least she has kids would draw me looking like a 2x4 with hair.

Meg said...

That's fantastic. Don't ever throw it away. She'll laugh to tears over it someday... like I just did. The point nose killed me.

Funnyrunner said...

Man. She has a big-ass head. But I guess she's skinny enough to pull off those horizontal stripes she wears.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh My Goodness. What a PRICELESS drawing. And of course your breakdown of the drawing had me cracking up!!

Unknown said...

'apparently, the top of her nose could pop balloons'

Crack me up!

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Well, at least your wife looks happy. Almost perversely happy, in fact. Does she snort coke or something? Her nose does look a little weird.

Bamboo said...

Yes I agree with some others, she is having some difficulty with her right eye. She must be a very SPECIAL woman from the looks of her picture. :)

Tam and John said...

This is the funniest thing I have read since, well, like your last post. Thank you for blogging and making me laugh my ass off for a little bit each day. You're listed on the Things That Make Me Laugh column on my blog, (except that you would probably be mortified to see who else is on there - I'm not too hard to amuse). You are FUCKING HYSTERICAL!

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