The Birth of a Dominican Cat | Mental Poo

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Birth of a Dominican Cat


What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.
- Tony Robbins

"It always seems impossible until its done."
- Nelson Mandela

"This is what it sounds like, when doves cry."
- Prince

I just really like Prince.

Don't judge.

So my wife handed out a worksheet to her kindergarten students (none of whom actually speak English...yay U.S. Education System).

They had to draw one thing that was POSSIBLE...and another thing that was IMPOSSIBLE.

She hands me one of the worksheets.

First, let's check out the kid's 'Possible' picture:


Mommy has a baby.

Not only is this entirely possible, but it's more likely PROBABLE since inner-city mom's a pretty much pregnant constantly as they try to bleed the welfare system dry.

It's the American way.

Now, for this kid's 'Impossible' picture:


I give this kid an 'A' on creativity.

Although, honestly, I wouldn't put it past his mom trying to pass their cat off as a dependent at the Welfare office.

Here, kid...just in case...I made an alternate 'Impossible' picture for you:


Racist?

Stereotypical?

Of course. I'm a Republican. It's how we do things.

Herlin would know that if he could read the newspaper.

But it's in English..so, you know...highly doubtful.

Moog out.

51 comments:

Chelle said...

hahahahaha

lbluca77 said...

I'm so claiming my cat as a dependent from now on. Thanks for the idea.

Mrsblogalot said...

Could she give birth to a Chihuahua? Anything's possible right?

Yankee Girl said...

I am a D and I am so with you on the legal thing.

It is as possible as me giving birth to ten kids period. My uterus hurts just thinking about it.

Juliana, aka Kernut said...

(Good idea Iblucca77- I'm claiming my cat now, too.)

LOL But what was your wife thinking giving those illiterate kids such hard questions? Oh, she wants to provide fodder for the blog! Got it. :)

Hey, can she give them a questionnaire like you had last week? You should design the questions for them. hehehe I'm laughing just thinking about it.

Buggys said...

I'll be back, I'm running over to the animal shelter to see how many cats they have....for adoption, I love cats!

carissa said...

That's just awesome. I have to say, I'm super impressed with that kid. It took me a minute to think of what you meant by "impossible" and "possible." I thought you meant the level of difficulty in the actual drawing. and THAT is the US education system for you.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

I laughed although this post is so racist. That is definitely going to cost me karma points.

Question: If you stood beside Tony Robbins would you be the same height as his knees? Just wonderin'

LB said...

I just peed my pants...

Sarah said...

Dude. I didn't know all Republicans were close-minded dicks!

The More You Know. *rainbow* *shooting star*

Moooooog35 said...

Chelle: TOO MANY SYLLABLES!!

lbluca: Just don't tell the IRS where you got the idea.

Mrsblogalot: They could..but they usually cook them.

Pretty sure about that.

Yankee: Your uterus can hurt?

I had no idea.

Kernut: Right...like they know how to fill in a circle.

Buggys: Cats are evil. That's why people can give birth to them. Like children.

Carissa: HAHAHA. Proof positive.

Perfect.

Wannabe: Racist? Me?

LB: Um.

Okay.

Sarah: You didn't know all Republicans were close minded dicks?

You're silly.

randomblogette said...

Oh sweet monkey balls! I am a D but I am jaded. This is HIlarious!

Travis said...

YAY REPUBLICANS!

I'm waiting for the liberal blog posse to come round me up now.

You racist bastard.

Ziva said...

You're not racist, you're realistic. I'm totally loving the pictures. I can just see the look on the doctor's face when that pussy comes out of... well, you know.

Chelle said...

Yeah. Symbols are kinda annoying. Next time: cowbell.

bikerchick said...

Too f'n funny...unfortunately too f'n true. Although "10 kids with all the same father" is even funnier.

Don said...

She she mention that every kid she had was money in the bank? Dumbass kids! They probably speak better English than their mom.

Colby said...

I would totally vote for you. Is there a naked centerfold out there of you? I hear that's all you need where you're from.

Tracie said...

Bwahahahaha!!!

Eva Gallant said...

I absolutely knew that Republicans were closeminded, racist dicks. I just was surprized to learn that you are one.

CatLadyLarew said...

Personally, I think little Herlin did a damn fine job of pointing out the possible and the impossible. I'd give him a star sticker for that one.

Salt said...

So wrong. And yet I am laughing so hard.
Herlin is my new favorite name.

Sheila Sultani said...

I think you got it wrong. I think the second picture is supposed to be the kids Chinese mom who just finished stir frying and eating their pet cat.

UberGrumpy said...

Impossible? Not now you've got universal health care. Join the club

meleah rebeccah said...

I *heart* Prince.

And, I LOVED your alternative version of the 'Impossible' picture!

Friggen HILARIOUS!

Malach the Merciless said...

And as a Republican, you have no clue about welfare.

MommaKiss said...

republican.
hahahahahahahaha!

no really.
that's funny.

(i may have to remove my marriage proposal)

Katherine said...

I LOVE FUNNY KID PICTURES! You know, I think a woman could have a cat if she REALLY WANTED to. Yes, another pussy joke... she has a pussy, so why not a cat? You just gotta get that out! Maybe it is Herlin's baby?

Maxie said...

you so fucking dead to me right now.

Jen said...

You make me proud to be a Republican.

You have to start getting releases for these, you must put these in a book.

This Lesbian's Life said...

You know, blame it on my redneck roots, but I couldn't help but laugh. If I weren't a lesbian, I'd probably be a Republican :P
Oh, you think it's bad where you are, I can't go to a fucking Wendy's with out having to decipher Spanglish. I guess that's part of living in San Diego. Before, Jesus was just a prophet, now he works at McDonalds, steals your hubcaps, sells you weed and mows your lawn...for a dollar fifty an hour.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Herlin is actually quite creative, using the overall theme of "pregnancy" in his (her?) possible and impossible pictures.

I kinda liked them.

Maxie said...

Also, the kid was right. Mom can't have a fucking cat in her stomach, can she?

And do you think that maybe the kid just doesn't know how to spell baby? So what. If the students parents were originally from this country, you wouldn't give it a second glance.

This has nothing to do with you being a Republican. It just has to do with you being a prick.

Tgoette said...

Hmmmm. I'm thinking that little Herlin used the example of his mother being pregnant with a cat as an example because mommy, having become a social pariah who just has children for the sake of the Welfare money, was unable to attract any men, legal or otherwise, and actually tried to conceive a cat/person baby and failed. Sorry Herlin, no litter of brothers and sisters/drains on society for you!

Me-Me King said...

Mucho hilarioso, senor moooooog!

Moooooog35 said...

random: monkey balls are sweet?

Ew.

Travis: I'm not racist. I'm racy.

Difference.

Ziva: I'm not realistic. I'm racy. See Travis comment above.

Chelle: Yes.
Wait.
What?

bikerchick: I slid that one in there.

That's what she said.

Don: I can honestly tell you that they DO speak English better than their parents.

Colby: Sadly, yes. There probably is a naked centerfold out there somewhere.

Tracie: Gracias.

See what I did there?

Eva: You were surprised to learn this? What country do you live in that Republicans AREN'T this way?

CatLady: I put that there because I thought it was total GENIUS.

Salt: It's how I roll.

Sheila: Why would that be impossible? I would put that under 'totally possible'

Uber: Preaching to the choir, my friend.

Meleah: I heart Prince, too!! We should see him in concert!

Malach: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Momma: Wait..we're getting married?!

* runs

Katherine: Herlin's baby? Worst. Soap opera. Ever.

Maxie: You should have written all that in Spanish.

When it's in Spanish it means more.

Jen: GENIUS!

Lesbian: OMG I love San Diego. Except for all the seals. Too many seals and not enough clubbing.

Chris: I KNOW...kid is way ahead of his time.

Tgoette: Yes. I'm sure that's exactly Herlin's thought process.

Me-Me: Muchas Tacos! Quesadilla!

*G*R*U*N*T*I*L*D*A* said...

So if I'm to understand this correctly, Republicans can't be pregnant with cats? Says who?! This coming from the same guy that drilled a shetland pony silly the other day?

Oh the strange places my mind goes...I'm pregnant right now with a Doritos and Cough Syrup baby. Don't believe me? It's true I swear it.

bikramyogachick said...

Your wife provides awesome blog fodder!

bikramyogachick said...

Your wife provides awesome blog fodder!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i have been claiming my dog and 3 cats for years

years

Elly Lou said...

That would make it so much easier to get a fucking kitten. You know it's a four to six week waiting period for a cat? And I need references? And they want to interview the cat I already have? Interview a cat! Oh wait...I drifted off topic again. Where's my raspberry beret?

Daffy said...

I so dearly love the way children think

Kernut said...

@Moooooog35 - You are correct. I don't know what I was thinking. We can't even get the ENGLISH SPEAKING ADULTS that go to school at the fine "higher education" establishment where I work to properly fill out a scantron survey form.

Joann Mannix said...

Yo Moog!

I'm over from Mrs. BlogALot who wrote a post on you today, saying you're the Schizz. And you are.

Hysterical and so succinct for these days. I am too a Republican and my husband has an insurance agency, so thanks Obama for screwing us over in every way possible!! Not only has my husband's life's work been ripped out from underneath him, we're also going to get taxed up the wazoo! But, Juan will reap the benefits and that's all I care about. Maybe he'll send me a thank you note or a drawing when he gets his first tat courtesy of my taxes that will somehow filter down to him for his spending enjoyment. It's all I can hope for.

Chris Cameron said...

I am totally calling shenanigans on that last picture. 10 kids with the same dad?

Totally unrealistic.

hehe great post.

GingerMandy said...

yo tengo un gato en mis pantalones.

i think that means i have a cat in my pants... how do you say uterus in spanish?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Only 10 kids?

CoraCakes said...

You know what's awesome about welfare? It's allowing my daughter and me to fucking survive. And I love telling people that and getting the "oh, I was referring to the ILLEGALS who get welfare." Surviving on the system as an illegal alien would be very nearly impossible and entail more fraud than a welfare check could finance. And not that it's anyone's business, but I'm on welfare because I had to leave a man who beat the shit out of me and embark on a journey of single motherhood with my newborn daughter in a place where I knew no one. I'm a product of the 'no child left behind' education system. I took all honors classes in high school. And I'm currently enrolled in college while being a mostly stay-at-home-mom to my toddler. I'm white. I'm Christian. And I'm damn thankful for the welfare system.

Moooooog35 said...

CoraCakes: I was referring to the ILLEGALS who get welfare.

Maybe I missed your point.

You see..this was a tongue-in-cheek expose' (don't know how to do the little accent thing) on people with 10 kids from 10 fathers but are smart enough to know that birthing a cat is impossible.

So..you know..

My blog. My rules.

But kudos to you.

CoraCakes said...

Also, thanks. I blogged

CoraCakes said...

Moooooooooooooo...oooog: I think you need to familiarize yourself with the welfare system. In order to recieve assistance you have to be a citizen or at least have a green card. So yeah, there's that...

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