John Wayne Gacy Gets a Vanity Plate! | Mental Poo

Monday, November 22, 2010

John Wayne Gacy Gets a Vanity Plate!

WARNING: This post contains a picture of a penis dressed in an outfit.

You've been warned.

**************


Just something short today.

* ziiiiiip

You knew that was coming.

(that's what she said)


A while ago, my ex-wife mentioned that she got behind a car with a vanity plate.

Now - for those readers I've had for a while, you know I hate vanity plates.

Please disregard the fact that I've had TWO of them.

The first one was on my bitchin' 1970 Oldsmobile 442 when I was 17.


It said:

"Rowdy"

Fuckin' ay, that's right.

It was originally because of Rowdy Roddy Piper...my name being "Rodney," and the car all looking super badass and fast and OHMYGODAMIGONNAGETLAIDINTHISTHINGORWHAT and shit.

When I was thinking of what to get on the plate, I was asking around for some ideas.

Most of them were, 'eh'..

And then my mother offered up this gem:

"Why don't you get, "RODNEY"...?"

Ooooh.

Jesus H. Christ, mom.

Why don't you give me a perm while I'm here?


I'm pretty positive that this type of recommendation is what drove the Menendez brothers to kill their parents.

Mom Menendez: "Well..you know, a license plate that says 'Lyle' might be nice.."

BAM.

I've digressed.

My other plate was on a screaming red car.

It said:

REDROD

Yep.

REDROD.

Ironically, that was back in the day where I had just met my wife and getting sex more than 12 times a year and my rod did - on occasion - get red.

Now it's just black from personal misuse and a reaction to excessive use of makeup and polyester outfits.

Perhaps I've said too much.


So my wife says she's behind a car the other day with a vanity plate.

Getting closer she sees that the plate says this:


Yep.

Di-Kids

Does anyone else here see:

DIE, KIDS!! DIE, KIDS!!

Why would you get this?

My wife has a similar plate, but she's a teacher in a public school so it's okay.

(they pass these out as bumper stickers to the Teacher's Union)


I'm guessing the woman's name was "Di" and she has "kids"...hence:

Di-Kids

I'm HOPING this is the case.

The other options are:

1) She likes dipping kids in varying food colorings:

Dye Kids


2) All her kids are lesbians:

Dyke Kids



The only conclusion here is that this actually says:

DIE KIDS

This makes me angry.

Angry that I didn't think of this first.

Ugh.

"Rodney"

What the Hell was my mother thinking?

She's just lucky I didn't have a shotgun lying around.

I'm pretty sure that's considered 'justifiable homicide.'

Moog out.

28 comments:

Andy P said...

hey, at least you get to have vanity plates on ur cars, not here in't uk. seriously tho that di-kids plate, they've well got problems!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Maybe she couldn't spell "BI" and her kids are very sexual?

On the Redrod thing, I was all sharp intakes of breath waiting for a tasteless period joke and well. You let me down. Although the black rod comment made up for it, thanks!

Mike said...

I didn't read the rest of this post because I was too busy dying from jealousy that your teenaged car was a 442 and mine was a 10 year old '89 plymouth Horizon.

At least it had the 'high output' 2.2 4 banger. Yay.

SisterMerryHellish said...

I think I know that cowboy! He was rhinestoned for my pleasure and...

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Great, now I have to think of a new idea for my vanity plate since Di-kids is taken. DIE KIDS DIE! maybe Di-Brats?

Dazee Dreamer said...

I'm going to have "your little cowboy" etched in my memory all day. just thanks.

Knight said...

I had to go back a few times because I misread "Various Vaginal Cavity's Seat" as "Curious Vaginal Cavity's Seat." That was too strange to let go but still something I would expect from you.

My teenage car was a hot little red sports car with my name on the vanity plate. Thanks Mom. I love when all the creepy old men pulling up next to me to hit on me know I'm under 18 because you gave me a name only used in th 80's.

Pat said...

Oh my god.....so THAT'S where that saying came from - "SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY!"

meleah rebeccah said...

vanity plates these days seem to be getting crazier & crazier. The last one I saw [on a minivan - nonetheless] said KUMTAKR. Ew.

I have to admit I think "Rowdy" was/is a totally super badass plate, especially for that car.

That photo of 'my little cowboy' seriously needs to be deleted from my memory forever. *scrubs eyes with bleach*

Opto-Mom said...

Maybe the car was full of little British kids who loved Princess Diana?

I can't decide if DI-KIDS OR DO-KIDS is worse.

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i just read the first one you wrote and wow. that was long. but i still read it. all of it. like a real friend would.

and no swear words in it.

my how you have changed.

you actually sounded kind of nice.

Big Fat Gini said...

Ah, I too, despise vanity plates. As a kid, we frequently drove from Dallas to Milwaukee for the holidays.

This was also known as My Personal Hell for a large part of my life, (until the phenomenon known as baby showers) but at some point my brother and I realized that we got a quite a bit of comic relief once we reached Illinois. Because for some reason they have a large population of drivers with vanity plates.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Oh my god, I totally would have banged you if you had a car like that in high school, but then again you know the height thing? So I will take that back.... No Rodney No!

LilPixi said...

The lil cowboy is gonna be stuck in my head all day too.
I lost it on the perm comment with the frickin' license plates.

Eva Gallant said...

Ewww....Little Cowboy needs to be returned to the barn!

pattypunker said...

how did jim henson miss this muppet?

A Vapid Blonde said...

Was that you who stole My Little Pony? Seriously Rodney *snicker* (I can't say your name with out a snicker)

You need to go find you own little pony for your little cowboy.

Cora said...

Yeah, you don't want a plate that says Rodney. You'll get no respect.

:-P

Moooooog35 said...

Andy: Yes..but you guys get fresh scones!

Veggie: As long as we're square now.

Mike: I loved that stupid car. Like, physically.

Sister: I don't doubt it one bit.

BirdShit: How about just 'DiDiDi'...? then you're covered for everyone.

Dazee: You're welcome.

Knight: Plus, when we looked up your plate and got your phone number and address and were able to introduce ourselves directly and..um..

Perhaps I've said too much.

Pat: The more you know.

Meleah: You don't like my cowboy, "Jesse Junk?"

Opto: Oh no you dint!

Speaking: I know. Weird, right?

Gini: I'm more surprised that they actually can spell in Illinois.

Wannabe: What's up with you and the height thing? We're all the same lying down.

LilPixi: My mom used to give my dad a perm.

True story.

True. Boring. Story.

Eva: YEEHAW baby.

Patty: We should ask him. We could do it like 'Weekend at Bernie's.'

Vapid: Wait. You have Snickers?!

Cora: Like I need a plate to get that crap.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Di-Kids. How did that slip past the New Hampshire DMV.

Oh, right, it's NEW HAMPSHIRE.

J.J. in L.A. said...

When Jodie Foster was the 'in' thing (speaking of lesbians), I always read her name as "Jo die".

Kinda makes me glad my name is spelled "Jo di".

Just sayin'...

Copyboy said...

Now this is a meaty blog I can really sink my teeth into. I love the fact that you had a Rowdy Vanity plate. Piper's Pit and the movie They live Ruled!!!

Bethany said...

I prefer the way you read this vanity plate, and since I call good ole' NH my home I understand how it would just make sense.

However, DI is Destination Imagination - formally known as OM or Odyssey of the Mind - at least that is what it was called when I was in high school. It is a group where middle school and high school students are given tasks and materials in which to build robots and the like to solve said tasks. Yup. Robots.

Either way your version of interpretation is way better. It

JenJen said...

God damn I've missed your blog.

Edna said...

LOve the cowboy, where you get it=)

ClevelandPoet said...

there is one around here that is Cat Ltr

which always makes me think this person loves to eat cat litter.

I use to call my little cowboy Rowdy because rowdy roddy piper was the man!

Sandra said...

I'm with you, I'm angry that I didn't think of it first...although dying my kids in various food colouring could be fun too.
Fantastic post. Very adorable dressed up penis.

Malach the Merciless said...

DAMN! Lesbo Hobbits are HOT!

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