My, What a Big, Blue Hole You Have | Mental Poo

Monday, May 09, 2011

My, What a Big, Blue Hole You Have

My good friend, Rob, is married but does not have any children and thus he goes on vacations 47 times a year and owns a Lexus and a Harley and a boat and blah blah blah rub it in my face why don't ya.

I'm not bitter.

rubbing it in
His latest excursion with his wife took them to Belize where he would upload all kinds of pictures on his Facebook page of them skydiving and snorkeling and hanging out on the beaches and basically having all kinds of wanton, kid-free fun prompting me to Tweet:

When Rob got back, I was on the phone with him while he told me about going to "The Great Blue Hole" which is not just Smurfette's nickname but also, apparently, a giant underwater cave off the coast of Belize.

great blue holes
Rob and his wife:

1) jumped out of an airplane
2) parachuted into the ocean
3) peed in the water (he did not say this directly but this is what guys do when they touch water)
4) waited for a dive boat to pick them up
5) put on gear and went scuba diving into the underwater cave

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in a small town in New Hampshire, a short man is eating grapes and wearing jammie pants while watching a cupcake competition on The Food Network.


But Rob is a funny bastard so as I was going through his Facebook pictures, I found a status update he posted to try to calm down any nervous jumpers that were going to be skydiving into the ocean with him that day:

facebook status
The status was right below this picture of his wife:

great blue hole skydive
Awesome. I died.

Giant shark or not, I'd still like to do adventurous shit like that.

As soon as I come back from the grocery store.

I'm out of grapes.


Lady Estrogen said...

A. That Big Blue Hole - the real one - is incredible.
B. When you're at the store, can you pick me up some bananas too? KTXBYE.

Anonymous said...

You should check out "People of Walmart" and other creatures. The creature of the day is pretty funny. of course not as funny as your blog. I'm sure you can relate since Walmart seems to be one of your regular stops

C... said...

Same here. I wish I had the money for such fun excursions. Oh well :) at least I can say I spent my Friday puking into the big white hole called the toilet because I had a really crappy migraine. Le Sigh!

Elly Lou said...

You could freeze the grapes and pretend you'd been to Antarctica with Kate Beckinsdale? A hole still counts as blue if it's due to lack of circulation, right?

Christina_the_wench said...

Since I broke my femur, using the electric carts at Walmart has become a favorite pastime. Don't overlook the obvious terror you can cause. It may not be a blue hole, but those old people can run like hell.

LB said...

I totally dumped those type friends when I had kids. Ignorance is bliss, dude.

I love my kids, but damn...! They can suck the life out of ya.

Mrs. Hall said...

effin a.

my sister in law has no kids. they vacation every damn month. costa rica, thailand, greece, AGAIN WITH THE COSTA RICA!

whatever losers.

i went to the park with them. they climbed up the slide. that's right UP the slide!!


Coffeypot said...

I thought about sky diving once, but I changed my mind after repeatedly banging my head against the wall saying, "Are you nuts?".

Shieldmaiden96 said...

I guess I missed the memo about how having no kids would enable fabulous vacations. In 15 years of marriage we went someplace on an airplane together


Vinny C said...

Considering that Smurfette is the only female in a village with 99 male Smurfs, I'd suspect that cave's got nuthin' on her.

Knight said...

Sell your kids and call me. I'll jump out of a plane with you. I also have a fascination for great blue holes.

Moooooog35 said...

Lady: you had me at 'bananas'

Anonymous: Walmart is only my favorite stop for BB's. I don't own a BB gun...just like little balls.


C: I wish I had money for ANY excursion.

Elly: I want you.

Christina: what did the femur ever do to you?

LB: preaching to the choir, sis

Mrs. Hall: wow. your adventures are even suckier than mine. wtf.

Coffey: the day I go skydiving is the day it rains turds on the people below.

Shield: to where? Star Wars convention? wtf.

Vinny: comment of the day, my friend.

Knight: if we don't hook up soon there's something wrong.


John said...

I have friends who are both pharmacists, pulling in six-figures. They shared a meager one bedroom apartment in the middle of nowhere, PA. They had no kids. They took epic vacations.

A few weeks ago I got a phone call that they were expecting. "Finally, I won't have to deal with the crippling jealousy of their vacation pictures" I thought.

They're having twins.

Karma is a bitch.

Opto-Mom said...

Sipping drinks on the beach and doing fun, adventurous activites is totally overrated, I'm sure. I wouldn't know, but that's what I tell myself to keep from throwing myself naked into a pit of wild hogs.

Abby said...

I personally think going to Walmart has the potential to be even scarier than jumping out of an airplane. That doesn't stop me from going, but I feel like a warrior every time.

Second, I have no kids, work hard and can't afford to NOT go to Walmart. Perhaps I should jump out of a plane anyway... ;)

SherilinR said...

vinny's comment is awesome!

"a short man is eating grapes and wearing jammie pants while watching a cupcake competition on The Food Network."
that's the best line in there. i'm not a man (today) but that's pretty much a description of my life! at least i don't catch diseases from drinking funky water in foreign countries. i try to console myself with the little things.

Ed said...

After reading this, I am sending my wife to Belize.

Al Penwasser said...

Did you know (or even care) that there is another Blue Hole in Belize (although I love the Smurf image)? It's in the interior and it's a "bottomless" pool of water. My favorite Blue Hole memory (I still can't get the Smurf outta my head): When we went swimming there, another American tourist (go figure) commented that the water was real cold where she was. I gave an "ahhhh" sound and said, "Not where I am." She and her companions quickly left. Now, I'm going to find me a Smurf.

meleah rebeccah said...

I'm seriously jealous of Rob & his wife. I can't remember doing ANYTHING exciting over the last 2 years.

Caleb said...

Looks like the beginning of a meme. "Photoshop wild animals attacking my wife" meme. Yes and yes.

Wish I had photoshop chops... I'd go nuts.

Handflapper said...

I used to work at the water park where that picture was taken. I totally recognize that creature as one of our regulars. She was a lot of fun.

Sandra said...

Never mind the skydiving. I'm still marvelling at the fact that you can superimpose a shark into a picture. Yes, I'm technologically challenged.

The Onion said...

We are headed on vacation to the Dominican Republic soon, and these photos are making my Jones for vacation even worse.

I would like to think we will be similar to your friend, but we will have our kids in tow, so imagine us sunburned and saying "stop it!" a lot.

notactuallygod said...

You can have the best of both worlds if you just get your timing down:

1-13 grade school
14-17 party high
18-21 party U
22-42 U party high
43+ marry, have a kid, live in the past

Worked for me anyway.
(That was good! I am totally going to make this my next post)

Kev D. said...

Kids or not, seriously, who has THAT much vacation, and money to spend on said vacations?

I need to quit my job and work wherever he does.

Unless he's a drug dealer.

Moooooog35 said...

Sorry everyone - I would have responded back sooner but I had to take my son to soccer practice and my daughter to dance and was in bed by 9:30 and then had to bring them to school.

I think I just proved my own point.

ThePittsofBeingPeachy said...

when you go to the store again get me some grapes. I am not daring enough to go to the store. Also people like Rob rock. Please have his wife send me her pics so I can photo shop my head in and send them to my alum board as the reason I can't attend any of their shit. Thanks.

MrsBlogAlot said...

Stop it. Who makes up places like Belize.

Need some extra coupons?

DameMeow said...

DINKS (Dual Income No Kids) DO IT IN BELIZE. Life choice validated!!!!

So. Cal. Gal said...

My 75 year old mom just got back from Belize.

I went nowhere. Not even outside.

I suck.

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