Bananas and Boobies and Equal Opportunity Cereals - A Vacation Pictorial | Mental Poo

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Bananas and Boobies and Equal Opportunity Cereals - A Vacation Pictorial


So I took my girlfriend and her two kids and my two kids and her babysitter to Virginia in a minivan and somehow managed not to kill myself although I really considered it about 437 times ESPECIALLY when my girlfriend's 2-year old was like this for 8 hours of each 11-hour car ride:

"I'M HOT!"
*piercing screams

"Mommy? Mom? Mommmeeee? Mom? Mommmmm?!"
"What?"
*silence

"I'M COLD!"
*piercing screams

"MY SHOE CAME OFF!"
*puts shoe back on
"NO I DON'T WANT MY SHOE ON!"

"Mommy? Mom? MOMMMMMMY?!?!"
"WHAT?!"
"WANT MY SHOE ON!"

Seriously. It's a miracle I didn't drive that van off a friggin' bridge.

Regardless, we went to a few amusement parks during the week in Virginia and I'm including some of the best pictures we took that pretty much sum up our trip.

Enjoy.

*****************
Holy Crap.


This was taken by my girlfriend at my request. She completes me.

And, sure it's inappropriate dress for an amusement park but, then again, WHO CARES.

*****************
Virginia is for lovers...and, apparently, people dressed like bananas.

Seriously. No idea wtf is going on with Virginia, but people were dressed in yellow EVERYWHERE.


Sexy.


I would actually like a pair of shorts like this because I'm sure they hide misfire pee stains pretty well.

Perhaps I've said too much.


I don't know if there was a sale on this outfit somewhere, but I can only hope they're sold out of it because, seriously ladies, it's ugly as fuck.

*******************
The Hell?

We went to Washington, DC for a day trip and upon entering The Smithsonian, got behind this:



Best I can tell this is some sort of personal head-mounted drill or a purple spiral staircase.

*******************
Even Naval Cereal Officers aren't immune to Affirmative Action

One morning I poured a bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch and saw this:



One little black Peanut Butter Crunch guy in a sea of regular Peanut Butter Crunch.

Made me homesick for New Hampshire a bit, to be honest with you.

*****************
HOLY HELL HOW DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE DOWN HERE?!

Taken from inside the terror van:

Fuuuuuuuck.

..prompting this Tweet:



God, so gross. I have no idea how people deal with that friggin heat.

Maybe wearing yellow helps.

35 comments:

WebSavvyMom said...

-->I was going to blame you for the hot weather we had last week. It's back to normal now and no one is wearing yellow in these parts. Or on their private parts.
Whatever.

deb
www.websavvymom.com

PISSED said...

HAHAHA... great post.. aren't vacations supposed to be fun?

I forget how I found your blog but your on my list.. Im over in hampstead :)

Cheers and thanks for the lol'z

PISSED

Brutalism said...

Stop dissin' my commonwealth or I'll come up to New Hampshire and evaluate your state.

If I can find it.

(Burn.)

Vinny C said...

The people in yellow are showing their allegiance to the sun. They've have taken it's side in the hopes it won't kill them in it's attack on mankind. TRAITORS!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Great post. Brought back fond memories (or maybe nightmares?) of trips with our three boys when they were kids. Thank God those days are gone!

Ed said...

This post reminds me of EVERY CAR TRIP EVER IN THE HISTORY OF EVER WITH MY FREAKING BRATS!

Knight said...

What in the hell is wrong with you? Why on earth would you take a road trip with a bunch of kids and if it was unavoidable why the hell didn't you bring a muzzle?

Moooooog35 said...

WebSavvy: I highly doubt all of your claims.

You people are messed. up.

Pissed: Hampstead? Really? You should stop by my house and give me money when you have a chance. Thanks in advance.

Brutalism: Just drive north. If you get to where people are speaking French and wearing spandex bathing suits in the middle of winter, you've gone too far.

Vinny: How I didn't turn into a pile of salt stepping out into that head I have NO IDEA.

Eva: I envy you.

Ed: ..and you're still alive?!

Knight: Well..you didn't invite me to New York so this was my next trip. Also, my Garmin brought me through Harlem. That was fun.

karen said...

U didn't come far south enough, one more state to North Carolina we'd show you some REAL fucked up shit!

Kerredith said...

Those boobies were just wrong... on so many levels..... and I DID offer to put the 2 year old outside the car with her leash... You said no! She could have kept up... I'm sure of it. LOL

Anonymous said...

Good ol' Virginny. Yep, we love yellow, it's our state secret.

KayGee said...

I fucking love that you included the picture of Tits McGee because I needed *something* to show the plastic surgeon tomorrow.

Jokes.

I'm a Virginian and it's hot. Facts.

Yellow is not our state color. It's more of a Jim Beam shade of awesome.

Stacie's Madness said...

OH WOW. good times indeed.

SherilinR said...

oh my gosh, my stomach hurt from all the laughing after reading this post! not long ago i saw a dude wearing an outfit of solid yellow like that first lady, complete with yellow hat & sneakers! what the hell?!
i think those are my tits in that picture. sorry.

C: said...

That Cap'n Crunch bowl IS a pretty accurate New Hampshire demographic model, innit!?!

badlarry said...

karen said...

U didn't come far south enough, one more state to North Carolina we'd show you some REAL fucked up shit!


Also serious "swamp ass", you forgot that part.

Christy said...

I've lived in VA for 24 years and I hate it. I hate the weather, it's boring, and people here are GROSS. I'm sure there is grossness anywhere you go, but I swear Virginia has a special breed. Glad you made it out safely.

PISSED said...

How much do you need? Couple hunnert?

The way things are going it ain't gonna be worth much ;)

MommaKiss said...

I'm still shocked you have a girlfriend.

And stop lying, that's her with the big tits, isn't it. Come on. Can't fool me.

The Absence of Alternatives said...

If you were where I was in NC earlier this month, that cereal bowl would have been WAY LARGER to represent the demographics there. People STRAED everywhere I went. Children actually turned their entire bodies around in restaurant to stare at me. How can any people of color live in those places without going bizerk?! I was there for a week, and by the end of it I was ready to strangle little children if they looked at me any longer.

ClevelandPoet said...

I wonder what it'd be like to be the Jackie Robinson of the peanut butter crunch world.

A Vapid Blonde said...

Yellow and Baltimore are also kindred spirits. Also thos are some serious Tata Dentatas up there. A person could get lost in them for ever!

Mandy_Fish said...

I totally thought that was your girlfriend too. The eye tends to scan the opening sentence and glance down quickly to the pictures.

Steve Bailey said...

All yellow is soooo 2010. Its all ORANGE that's in now. Pull it together Virginia! "The land of ass, leg and ball sweat"

Anna said...

Amusement parks are there solely to make us normal folk feel really fucking good about our lives. For real.

Amy said...

The Peanut Butter Crunch should totally get Quanell X up in your shit for that picture.

Katherine said...

OMG OMG OMG I am laughing SO HARD. You were in my neighborhood! That would be Busch Gardens in the picture? Do I win a prize if I am right?

Yup, it is not only hot but MUGGY here. BUTTTTT we have the beach, so I will never EVER complain!

J.J. in L.A. said...

Haven't you heard? Yellow is the new black...and I've been wondering where our So. Cal. heat went! You stole it!

alisha said...

i'm pretty sure someone needs to alert the security department at the smith that they allowed an obvious breach in the form of wtf could she have in that head into the museum.

and please, for your next vaca, fly into atlanta. get you and your 210 youngin's and all your shit and step 3 feet out of hartsfield-jackson airport. i'll be waiting, if you're crazy ass actually wanted to stay after the assault of the heat of 10,000 sun-baked tits.

i love new hampshire, btw. nashua ftw!

Fernweher said...

LOVE your photos. That girl in the amusement park...def inappropriate wear for rides, it looks like she would have a wardrobe malfunction on the roller coaster for sure! And as for that yellow spandex-outfit...I don't get it either, but you made me smile. Thanks!

Pat said...

As always, most enjoyable! Little man, you would think you died and went to heaven if you were around me and my sisters. We are all big breasted women....well except my oldest sister. But we think she was adopted.

YesYellowHidesMisfirePeeStainsOnceThey'reDry said...

Dude, you freakin' kill me. You were hilarious in college, and I can see your schnizzle hasn't changed a bit!

The head-mounted drill? Peanut butter crunch? I am still in NH and sadly I get that one...

Dano

Tazer said...

I once saw a dude wearing a cargo kilt with Vibrams. I think he should be friends with your Banana Girl.

QueriesonFoodsandHealth said...

Too hot weather they have and yet they love yellow dress, eh. Quite ironic. Hmmm, anyway, love that hairstyle, reminds me of shawarma..:)

Cheers,
Peny@blood pressure gauge

Anonymous said...

What kind of idiot goes on vacation with children? Hell, what kind of idiot dates someone with kids?

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