So it's July and I'm taking some time off because it's what sloths DO and my call to have some bloggers guest post for me did not go unanswered!!
Here's another guest post from We Took the Bait - a website dedicated to reviewing "As Seen on TV" products with a humorous point of view.
I had NOT heard of this product BUT totally enjoyed reading this completely. You will, too.
The I-Renew bracelet commercial is fantastic.
According to a super-chipper Art Edmunds, athletes and celebrities have paid hundreds, even thousands of dollars to get their hands on this strength and wellness technology.
Yet it can be mine, all mine, for just 20 bucks! Amazing!
It must work... check out the video. Between the 40 and 50 second mark, the people (NOT paid actors) experiencing the effects of I-Renew for the first time go from stumbling around like Verne Troyer throughout the entire fourth season of "The Surreal Life," or leaning farther to the left than Nancy Pelosi, to having balance that would rival Dominique Moceanu's.
(Dominique Moceanu is the only gymnast's name that I remember... and it isn't because I thought she was hot during the '96 Olympics... because that would just be creepy.)
Given our choice of ten different colors, I opted, of course, for:
Why did I chose a pink bracelet? I don't know... maybe so I could claim that I was supporting Breast Cancer research while building up my strength, endurance, and balance. More likely, though, it was so that I could get a fashion accessory to match my underwear.
There's only one sciencetistic way, that I know of, to prove or disprove this bracelet's worth.
But, during that time, I was still working out...
His BMI appears normal... probably because I made him 7' 9".
I'm kidding.... I did give the smooth criminal my height and age.
To test this product's Selective Frequency Resonance (whatever the fuck that is) and how it impacts my agility, I opted to play a couple games of "Penguin Slide," one while wearing the I Renew, and one without.
For those unfamiliar, the object of Penguin Slide is to shift your weight from left to right in order to tilt an iceberg, which helps your penguin catch fish.
Here's a video of some guy playing Penguin Slide.
So, MJ got all suited up like a penguin, as if he were the long awaited fourth member of Primus.
I played the first game sans bracelet. Here's the result :
84 points. Not too bad. Now to try with the I - Renew :
Still, skeptic that I am, I decided to play a couple of games of Table Tilt.
The score without the bracelet :
From this highly scientastic experiment, you could conclude that the I -Renew Bracelet might be a factor in improving your balance approximately half of the time.
All I know is that if I were a penguin, and had to catch herring in my beak after sliding along an iceberg, I'd probably want to be wearing one of these.
Though, I'd probably go with a black one.
Where to Buy: I Renew Bracelet -- Official Site
Price: $19.99 + S & H
If MJ joined Primus, what would he do in the band? : Maybe he'd play cowbell. Or, he could just dance around like Ben from the Bosstones while yelling things like "Shamon!" and "Hee-Hee!"
(Photo credits: http://www.dominique-moceanu.com; http://www.karencheng.com.au; http://www.slipperybrick.com; http://blingyou.net)
Our sincere thanks to Moooooog35 for allowing us to write a guest post!
For more asinine As Seen On TV product reviews, visit us at We Took The Bait.
Thanks to Jeremy and the folks over at We Took the Bait for doing this post for me and allowing me to push out some of my other crap into November.
It's how I roll.
Go bookmark the site and check them out!