Little Debbie Wants My Ding Don

Please note that I wrote this post before my friend, Kristin, got shitcanned here at work.

Carry on.


My friend, Kristin, and I have too much time on our hands.

Well...I also have a little bit of toilet paper stuck there...but that's because of my chronic masturbation.

Yet another episode of "Sick Instant Messages with Kristin and Rod."

Enjoy.

*******************
midgetmanofsteel: I wanna go home.

Kristin: i think i'm going to leave early

midgetmanofsteel: I need to start really playing Lotto..this working shit is for the birds.

Kristin: no shit. i hate it

midgetmanofsteel: not that I'm actually working or anything...every so often...like, once every three hours..I might do something.

midgetmanofsteel: other than that...it's pretty much just drinking coffee and going to the bathroom.

midgetmanofsteel: I may send you a picture message next time I'm in there.

Kristin: that's cool. i got really lazy here lately.

****************

(editor's note: I just noticed she wrote 'that's cool' after I told her I'd send her a picture of my stool. WTF?!)

****************

Kristin: i lost motivation

midgetmanofsteel: maybe you can look for motivation under my desk.

*****************

(editor's note: To my girlfriend: Honey...that's just a joke)

(editor's second note: Kristin, ignore 'just a joke' note above..I'm dead serious)


*****************

Kristin: i don't know if you noticed but some of the people in charge are like ding dongs

midgetmanofsteel: ding dongs? they're round and chocolaty with a cream filling?

Kristin: not that good


midgetmanofsteel: you said ding dongs

midgetmanofsteel: personally, I'd prefer a ding dong over a twinkie

OMG OMG OMG I FUCKING HATE TWINKIES

Sorry. Tangent.

Kristin: not ring dings

midgetmanofsteel: wtf is a ding dong, then?

midgetmanofsteel: are ding dongs the things that look like small black penises?

Kristin: devil dogs

Kristin: those are the penis shaped ones


midgetmanofsteel: no...not what I'm thinking...

Kristin: funny bones

midgetmanofsteel: I know what a devil dog is...remember...I was a giant fat shit of a kid.

midgetmanofsteel: you're screwing me up now


Kristin: oh...do you remember star crunches?

midgetmanofsteel: little debbie

Kristin: y

midgetmanofsteel: she wanted my fat ass.

Kristin: i loved her

midgetmanofsteel: you were all lesbo for little debbie?

Kristin: no. i just liked her shit.

midgetmanofsteel: dude. that's even worse

midgetmanofsteel: two girls, one cup..cake.

Kristin: lol


Kristin: her food

midgetmanofsteel: HO HO's

midgetmanofsteel: what about these?

Kristin: oh yeah..those are good

midgetmanofsteel: actually..they look more like turds than black penises


Kristin: what about the choc covered wafer things

Kristin: i can't remember what those were called

midgetmanofsteel: not sure...I think they were called, 'choco wafer things'

Kristin: ah...they were called "wafers"

midgetmanofsteel: wow...creative

Kristin: did you know the little debbie twinkie was called a "golden creme"

midgetmanofsteel: sounds hot.

Kristin: i thought so

Kristin: if you squeeze it hard enough the cream will shoot out

midgetmanofsteel: Hey, Little Debbie...want my golden cream?

midgetmanofsteel: it's gold because I have an infection.

****************

Um...

I don't really have an infection.

Ding dong.