Book-editing comments and, really, none of this should surprise you

As I mentioned on Monday, I will be releasing my FIRST EVER BOOK, "Things Go Wrong for Me" very shortly.

I will totally autograph boobs.

Just throwing that out there, ladies.

Regardless, part of getting the book out is editing and changing and re-editing and cutting and cropping and bleaching anuses and all sorts of shit you don't really expect to be doing.

I thought I'd give you some insight into some of the suggestions for editing that I've sent to my editor.

Enjoy.


"Okay. Here are the files. Sorry..got totally slammed at work yesterday. If I owned a brothel, that would be awesome to say."

"Should probably delete the Wile E. Coyote picture. I think it's extraneous and will probably get us sued."

"I just read the sex title and intro to my girlfriend and she loved it. Then again, I give her amazing sex so she's biased."

"The Raisin picture is ginormous."

"Okay, I'm attaching some pics for the first few vasectomy posts. Put "My condom drawer" in the second story after the paragraph with the crusty condoms and the mice playing ultimate frisbee."

"I don't know. I don't know (a) HOW you did that or (b) how tough it was to do or (x) my alphabet."

"Yeah..still thinking on the sex titles. I don't know why it's so hard. That's what she said."

"Okay. I think I found the issue with the Ron Jeremy thing."

"I totally agree. Also, I am typing this while peeing at a urinal."

"You want me to ship books myself? I have no idea how to ship anything. I'm assuming there's some sort of packaging involved. If you've ever seen any of my Christmas gift wrappings, this is a disaster just waiting to happen."

"In related news, I wrote a LOT about my balls. This may or may not need to be it's own book."

So, yeah. I'm a peach to work with.

Peaches remind me of boobs.

I guess I'll autograph peaches, too.