So I was at a wedding recently because people who get married think it's a great idea to 'share their day' and 'make people watch' and 'be bored' and 'OH MY GOD THEY HAVE OPEN BAR SO FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.'
Open bar is always an exception to ANYTHING.
Of course, as she's reading them I'm thinking:
"This is such bullshit."
Be aware of wonder?
So I started thinking about why MY list would be if I wrote about everything I learned in kindergarten:
1) If you beg like a monkey with a thermos cup on your head, people will give you their Cheetos.
2) There is no such thing as self-respect in kindergarten (see #1).
3) Never trust anyone named 'Craig.'
4) Paste tastes like shit.
5) White glue tastes worse than paste.
6) Kindergarten teachers apparently let you eat all their art supplies.
7) Even at the age of 5, you can pretty much tell who is going to end up in prison someday.
8) If a girl hates you then it means she likes you.
9) If a girl likes you then you should pretend to hate her.
10) If a girl likes you but you don't like her and you tell her then she will make up lies about you and write things like 'YOU ARE POOP' on your desk IN PEN.
11) There is no such thing as 'too many pencils' because they all disappear at some point.
12) If you put a tack on the chair of an authority figure, they will NOT be happy.
13) There actually IS such a thing as a free lunch. But it smells terrible, tastes worse and people will judge you if they see you getting one.
14) You can show people your new toys that you think are really cool and impressive but deep down no one gives a shit.
I wish I could have spoken at the wedding.