Orthodontia and the Fish Incident | Mental Poo

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Orthodontia and the Fish Incident

My daughter has braces and, therefore, must go monthly to her orthodontist which my ex-wife and I are keeping happily employed and driving a Mercedes.

In the Ortho office is a fish tank. It's pretty huge and divides the waiting area and the dental area - so you can see through from one side to the other. Like this:

My daughter was called into the office, leaving my son and I puttering around in the waiting room with all the other people going broke because of orthodontia.

That's when we noticed a girl at the fish tank. She was holding a handle to something against the glass, and it became clear to us that it was a tank cleaner. On the opposite side of the glass was a brush. The two pieces were connected via what appeared to be a pretty strong magnet, allowing the brush on the inside of the tank to be moved by the handle on the outside.

I could see my son salivating, waiting to try it.

Eventually, the girl was taken by the orthodontist as payment for her older sister's headgear, and my son immediately went to the fish tank to start playing with the magnet cleaner thingy.

Back and forth. Up and down. Side to side.

It was pretty cool. What was even cooler was that he discovered that if he moved the handle AWAY from the tank, the brush inside would just float to the bottom and stand up in the gravel. As it was weighed down. He could then put the magnet back to the glass and it would - WHOOMP - reconnect.

Then he flipped the handle upside down.

Flipping the handle upside down caused the polarity on the magnets inside and outside to repel. So he soon began playing with shooting the inside brush away from the side of the tank, and quickly flipping it to rejoin them.

That's about the time he flipped the handle near the top of the tank, propelling the internal brush out towards the middle.

He fumbled with the handle as the brush inside the tank floated away and down, it's weight carrying it away and towards the bottom of the tank when..


It got wedged between two pieces of coral. Right in the middle of the tank. And not just wedged there, like, WEDGED there.

My son pushed the handle to the glass. The brush inside barely wiggled.

He looked at me.

I shook my head.

He tried again.


Again. Again again AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN.


At this point he had now started trying to rock the thing out between the coral like a car stuck in a rut. Back and forth back and forth. He moved the handle wildly around the surface of the glass when all of a sudden he stopped.

Everyone: his sister, doctor, two other patients and assistants were standing on the other side of the tank, just...

..watching him.

Frozen, still holding the magnetic handle, I could see his expression of 'oh, shit' as he stared at a sea of blank faces just wondering what in the Hell is this kid doing? Like a ten-minute mime project gone horribly horribly wrong.

Then, he looked at me...

...put the handle down very slowly, tip toed over to me like no one could see him any longer...

..sat down, and grabbed a magazine.

I died. I laughed so hard, I cried.

I don't know how much that ortho appointment cost me, but it was worth every penny.


Coffeypot said...

Dude... that's why God made IPhone's with a camera. We need proof for the courts. Video is better.

One Bad Pixie said...

I second what Coffeepot said. You don't get hits on Youtube for pictures... Just sayin'

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