Man. Joe Namath must have really done a number on Suzy Kolber's career.

Got this email the other day:

O_O

SUZY KOLBER?!?!?

If you're not a sports fan you're, like, Suzy wha..? But Suzy Kolber is probably one of the most popular female sports announcers on television these days.

This was undoubtedly her proudest moment:



Hey. It's not every day that a really shitfaced NFL legend tries to make out with you during a National Football game even though you're gay.

I know.

I've tried.

I've said too much.

Regardless, I decided to reply to Suzie:

So far I haven't heard back from Suzie.

She's probably taking out a restraining order on Joe Namath.

Or me.

Hey. A Hail Mary pass is a Hail Mary pass.

Thanks for the hint that I need Botox, assholes.

Email:

STOP RUSHING ME, DATING SITE!

Perfect fit.

Email conversation about someone wanting to guest post on this blog:

Haven't heard back yet.

Weird.

Because nothing says 'construction' like 'sourdough'

Got this email from Amazon:

YES.

Thank you, Amazon.

I know I was looking for a toy chainsaw or wrench set, but this 2" action figure of a boy holding a loaf of bread will do just fine, instead.

All I know is that I'm totally getting a free credit report now because this is AWESOME

I got a spam email about a credit score blah blah blah who cares but this is what the top of the email looked like:

Typical crap but...

WHY I decided to scroll down to the end I have no idea BUT after the big credit score graphic was THIS which I cut and pasted for your enjoyment. It quite possibly may be the greatest thing you real all year.

AMAZING.

It's like watching someone with ADD and short term memory try to type a form letter. On a side note, I always thought Kelly Ripa and Jeff Goldblum were the same person. It's always nice to have a little validation come your way every so often.

Oh yes, Mister Finance, you've earned my business forever.