My Vasectomy, Part 4 - Consultation 102 (Puff the Magic Dragon)

So far, my vasectomy consultation was going pretty much as planned (procedure, risks, etc., etc.)

Then it all got confusing.

She told me that I would have to ejaculate (I think the clinical term is “whack off”) 25 times after the operation, and bring in the 26th sample so they could test it in the lab to see if all my swimmies were out of there.

This confused me.

I mean, they’re cutting off the highway…putting in a detour….

..where do the cars go?

..nevermind where do the cars go…what kind of traffic is coming out the other side of the tunnel?!?

I have to admit, as much as I am an eager student when it comes to working my own anatomy, I have no real idea of how anything works down there. Penis goes up, penis goes down. Sometimes penis doesn’t go up no matter how much you try to talk him into it. Sometimes penis looks good dressed in a Barbie outfit with a face drawn on it. That’s pretty much all I know.

Now, when someone tells you that they’re severing the bus line that drops your swimmers off at the pool, I had to wonder who the Hell would be jumping off the diving board? Really…what comes out of there?

So I asked her. She point-blank asked me back, “Well, what do you THINK comes out?”

I simply replied, “I just thought it went like this…”

I took in a breath..and puffed out a little air.

Poof.

Really, I had no idea. I thought that once this was done, if you were getting a "BJ" for instance and it was time for, say, a facial, that all that would come out would be a little puff of air.

At best, the girl’s hair would flip up for a second…like when you’re hot and try to blow on your own forehead…kind of like she was getting hit by a tiny little hair dryer.

..poof…

Who knew?

Turns out that there’s this whole little cocktail (pun intended) that comes out of there. Sperm is only 1% of the whole mix. The rest is stuff bubbled up from your nether regions in an area a little higher than where they pull the plug in your sperm pool. This stuff is called “seminal fluid”. Prior to this meeting, I thought seminal fluid had something to do with what monks drank at the temple. You know, it still may be that…although, that would be really, really gross and turn me off to the whole idea of monk-hood. Maybe this is why there are so many homosexuals in priesthood…it’s the whole confusion over seminal fluid.

Anyway, this seminal fluid mix includes semen and, if you’re Nick Nolte, gin and tonic.

..and you thought this wouldn’t be educational.