They called him….Smudge.
…I’m guessing they still do…
Tequila reminded me the other day in my “Nicknames” post of a name they used to call a kid in her school.
Here’s what she wrote in her comment:
“..There was this kid in high school who's name was Cole, and I started calling him "cole-lostamy bag"... it stuck…”
Then…about teasing fat kids:
“…Hey, I know you were fat, but "Round-ney" isn’t nearly as bad as what we called "barge". I actually forget what his real name was. Oh well. I was kind of a bitch in high school.”
Barge is probably still looking for revenge.
By the way, I can be okay with the fat kid teasing thing, as I was one myself.
Anyway, she took my article, and expanded it PAST the actual naming nicknames….
...into the realm of making fun of people.
This, in fact, turns out it’s its very own nickname article.
Names that stick to people.
Names that those people don’t, necessarily, WANT stuck to them.
With the preface complete, here we go…
Story #1: An Ode to Smudge
The one thing that I was immediately reminded of when she mentioned Cole-lostamy, was a kid from my High School days.
When I was in High School, one of my classes was Architectural Drafting….
This is where a group of 20 boys basically sat around drawing buildings, without any experience or knowledge of whether or not said building would actually be able to support it’s own weight.
...so..it was kind of like Art Class...but with buildings instead of fruit.
…the highlight of this class was my teacher who was a diabetic and would pretty much forget about his blood sugar level EVERY SINGLE DAY….
This resulted in him staring off into space for an hour at a time…while we threw sh*t around the room.
…except for the one un-funny time when he had a diabetic seizure RIGHT NEXT TO MY DESK…fell down…and completely destroyed my Senior Project in one single, spastic, swoop.
I got an “A” simply out of guilt.
…but I digress…
Anyway, when I went to High School, computers still had two screen colors (“green” and “off”) and were roughly the size of small trucks.
As such, we drew EVERYTHING with pencil and paper.
Pencil and Paper.
Regardless…one of the kids in my class – his name was “Chris” – was not good at drawing…
...he could not draw even a LITTLE…
…well…let me rephrase this...
…he was not good at keeping what he WAS drawing ON THE PAPER.
You see…Chris weighed about 250 pounds.
As such, he spent the majority of his time with his ginormous body slumped over his drafting table trying to reach the far corners of his drawings with his chubby little arms.
The act of continuously flailing across a giant piece of drawing paper had this effect:
Everything he drew turned into one…giant…smudge.
Look at the back of your hand after flattening out a newspaper. This is what Chris’ drawings looked like.
One day, one of the kids in my class looked at his paper…completely illegible…and said:
“Hey, Smudge….nice drawing.”
On that day, "Smudge" was born.
Eventually, I think he grew to love it.
…because this is the nickname he put in the yearbook Senior year under his picture.
I'm including his picture here as proof.
Story #2: Pepe
When I went to college, I had a number of friends.
The majority of these kids had standard nicknames that had nothing to do with their real names: Spike, Tito, etc.
But, I had one friend, that everyone who knew him called "Pepe" (pronounced “Peh-pay” - like what you'd name a chihuahua).
Pepe had a moustache (rare college occurrence) and a mullet (a not-so-rare occurrence in the 80’s)…
...and KINDA looked Mexican.
I assumed when people called him Pepe, they were intimating that he resembled a Mexican immigrant.
He was not.
His real name was Shawn.
But they called him Pepe anyway.
One day, at the gym, I decided to ask Tito – Pepe’s best friend – why they called Shawn “Pepe.”
Me: "Tito - what's up with calling him 'Pepe?'"
He looked at me.
In a matter-of-fact “I thought you knew this” voice, explained:
“Because he has Pepere tits.”
It WASN'T "Pepe."
It was "Pepere".
Pepere - for those who don't speak French...means "Grandfather."
He's called "Pepere"...
...because he has “Pepere tits”.
And…sure enough…as I glanced over at Shawn working out…there they were…
…just like a pepere.
The kid has pepere tits.
How f*cking MEAN is that?!
..and yet, how BRILLIANT.
A nickname that would even make Smudge proud.