The title will play itself out.
Bear with me.
Story #1: The Unfortunate Email
I feel bad for these guys…
...but I’m not sure why they haven’t changed their names yet.
Our email system, here at work, assigns addresses in emails as:
As such, my email address always appears like this in emails at work:
..which isn’t bad…because it works on a number of levels and is still pretty descriptive.
The issue here, though, is that we have two guys that work in this building named:
As such, any email that is sent to them, looks like this:
"To: Brown, Dick"
"To: Brown, Peter"
…I’m sure they know what it looks like.
Poor, stupid, stupid bastards.
Although, personally, I would have my email changed to Richard and Pete, respectively.
..I'm waiting for them to hire Johnson Brown.
"To: Brown, Johnson"
I’ve never met either one of these guys, but I’m sure I’d know it if I passed them in the halls…
…with the smell of sh*t eminating from their crotchal regions…
..I'm assuming that's why it's brown.
Story #2: How You Know When You Stink
My friend who sits in the cube next to me, got up to go to the bathroom/kitchen/whatever...
...point is..he left his cube.
He’s gone for maybe three, four minutes.
I watch him as he comes back, walks down the aisle and into his cube…
…he’s about to sit down…
When, suddenly, he starts FRANTICALLY waving his arms back and forth…
…he’s encountered some hideous, horrible, gut-wrenching smell…
“GOD!..Mother of God!!”
…and he’s desperately trying to waft it away…
...epileptic arm-waving style.
"UGH...UGH!!! WHO DID THAT?! YOU?!?!"
I start laughing.
As you see, the thing is…
NO ONE ELSE went into his cube.
Not ONE person.
I think he just got some fresh air while he was out…
…and upon returning...
...walked right into his very own stink.
So much of a stink, in fact, that he was convinced that I went into his cube and farted.
I did not.
I should have, now that I think of it.
But, alas, I did not.
He just smelled.
Apparently, he just smells.
And now, he knows this.
And no, it was not Barry.
I'm thinking he should maybe check to see if he has a Brown, Dick.
Sometimes funny sh*t just happens…
I’m usually lucky enough to be there when it does.