Jeremiah Rubs His Bullfrog | Mental Poo

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Jeremiah Rubs His Bullfrog


Jeremiah and I have a lot in common.

My wife, who is a second grade teacher, emailed me yesterday.

She teaches at an inner-city school (her contract includes provisioning for a new flak jacket every year)...

...and the kids don't speak English very well...

...if at all.

Actually...neither do most of the other teachers.

Anyway...

She handed out the kids a paper to fill out...

...asking them to describe their daily routines.

Simple enough.

Here's Jeremiah's day.

Pay attention to his strict morning routine:


I know what you're thinking:

A KID THAT MAKES HIS BED?!?!?

Oh...wait...wait...

"In the morning I wack off and make my bed and..."

Except for the "make my bed" part, I could have written this.

Although, I would have included either:

"...and wash my hands and..."

or

"...and refill the tissue dispenser and..."


But this isn't about me.


Anyway...

We're not quite sure...

...but we THINK he meant to write "wake up".

In any event, we now know more about Jeremiah than we really needed to.

Now that he's virtually a celebrity...if you see him, shake his hand.

Actually...

...make sure he's washed them first.
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30 comments:

AngryMan said...

Heh heh heh . . . wacking a bullfrog.
Heh heh heh . . .

Mike said...

Is Jeremiah 17?

moooooog35 said...

Actually, Mike...to listen to my wife, that's probably not impossible.

Wife (to class): "What is 5 + 5?"

Student 1: "Blue!"

Student 2: "que?"

Student 3: (punches my wife in the gut)

billymac said...

jeremiah is a courageous young man to write what he actually does in the morning. all of the other kids in his class were afraid to write about their morning rubbing sessions. he should be commended.

Claire said...

Haha! I love Jeremiah and the bashing the bishop cartoon :)

I voted on the poll thingie to make the posts shorter but then realised that was just me being lazy :)

Sornie said...

SOmething tells me that a meeting with Jeremiah's parents is looming just over the horizon because what happens at home eventually makes it to school.

Mimzie said...

Little Jerry sounds like a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. Masturbation is healthy!

Naughty Lakota said...

LMFAO!!!!
oh M-of-the-O's... i am soooo glad you stopped by. Your blog is a hoot... two hoots even.

Hungry Mother said...

If I were a lad in school in Tampa, I would definitely tell my teacher about my wacking off so that she would get the idea that I need some special tutoring.

rs27 said...

If wea all the conviction of Jeremiah to write what we truly do in life, the world would be a better place.

And probably very sticky.

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

Rod,

I meet Jeremiah everyday and I know he's an honest little boy. I could never befriend Christ because as a boy, he did exactly what our Jeremiah does, but later as a grownup lied and never admitted his (normal) thoughts to the world.

Best wishes.

ozymandiaz said...

Shouldn't "masturbate more" be one of the choices?

moooooog35 said...

Mimzie: Yes, masturbation IS healthy. Which is why I'm in the best shape of my life.

Indrani: wtf?!

Indrani Bhattacharya said...

You should believe me.

Imagine Christ as a little boy. He would have been no different from Jeremiah. But while one speaks the truth about his daily duties (Jeremiah i.e.) the other, never did. That's what I meant.

Jen said...

I think I just peed myself.

I don't know many second graders, but the ones I do know don't know about smacking their monkey around...at least that I know of.

I guess when my Little Stink is 7, I'll know for sure. Yikes.

The Doggy Did It said...

wow....


I think I just stepped into the twilight zone...

that is the last time I read your comments!!

SWIZZLE STICK said...

Damn, that was funny! In 1st grade my kid had to write what was his favorite toy. He had a fuzzy, light up pen that he adored, so he wrote "His pen is" but it looked like "his penis." I framed it.

Candy said...

I just noticed that there's a word missing from the title of your blog (the part that's under Mental Poo) and it's freaking me out a little.

moooooog35 said...

Candy:

What?

I'm going to set you up with Indrani and you can each confuse each other.

What word?!

A Martini Always Helps said...

Ah, he was just being honest. At least he didn't write, "Wack off, smoke crack, beat up my ma, kill kittens, make my bed."

Catscratch Diva said...

Moooog, with the comments here, I'm wondering if it's a full friggin moon, buddy...

I'm all for self gratification, but a kid that young??? I didn't know what rubbin one off was til I was a lil older...

Then again, you're prolly right, it was an ooopsie and he meant wake up....

but if not...Espero que él lave las manos

HeyJoe said...

Hey, MY wife ALSO teaches 2nd grade in a sub-par school.
Lots of ESL kids that probably wack off before, during and after class.

Malach the Merciless said...

It's MINI MOOOGE!

Deb said...

's Day --that handout is a classic. I can't wait until Jeremia gets his hands on 's Favorite Websites and 's Dirty Secret Habits that His Mom Doesn't Know about or She'll Cry.

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious. www.thumbsuporpantsdown.com

The Sports Mama said...

I'm fairly certain that this is how my teenage son starts his day.

Lori said...

Ok, I have a 7 year old and I know for a fact he does NOT wack off and make his bed. At least...not in that order

Biscuit said...

Dang...is that why I'm in good shape? Woohoo! I can quit my job!

Prin said...

Maybe every morning when the kid wakes up, he asks his mom where his dad is and she says, "Oh, he's still in bed. He hasn't wacked off yet," and so he takes that as meaning "hasn't woken up yet."

See? Logical explanation for everything.

Except maybe your wacked comments.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

That is hysterical!!! Are you sure he didn't me wack up? Wake off?

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