Jeremiah and I have a lot in common.
My wife, who is a second grade teacher, emailed me yesterday.
She teaches at an inner-city school (her contract includes provisioning for a new flak jacket every year)...
...and the kids don't speak English very well...
...if at all.
Actually...neither do most of the other teachers.
Anyway...
She handed out the kids a paper to fill out...
...asking them to describe their daily routines.
Simple enough.
Here's Jeremiah's day.
Pay attention to his strict morning routine:
I know what you're thinking:
A KID THAT MAKES HIS BED?!?!?
Oh...wait...wait...
"In the morning I wack off and make my bed and..."
Except for the "make my bed" part, I could have written this.
Although, I would have included either:
"...and wash my hands and..."
or
"...and refill the tissue dispenser and..."
But this isn't about me.
Anyway...
We're not quite sure...
...but we THINK he meant to write "wake up".
In any event, we now know more about Jeremiah than we really needed to.
Now that he's virtually a celebrity...if you see him, shake his hand.
Actually...
...make sure he's washed them first.
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Also, check me out at Scrivel, too.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Jeremiah Rubs His Bullfrog
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29 comments:
Heh heh heh . . . wacking a bullfrog.
Heh heh heh . . .
Is Jeremiah 17?
Actually, Mike...to listen to my wife, that's probably not impossible.
Wife (to class): "What is 5 + 5?"
Student 1: "Blue!"
Student 2: "que?"
Student 3: (punches my wife in the gut)
jeremiah is a courageous young man to write what he actually does in the morning. all of the other kids in his class were afraid to write about their morning rubbing sessions. he should be commended.
Haha! I love Jeremiah and the bashing the bishop cartoon :)
I voted on the poll thingie to make the posts shorter but then realised that was just me being lazy :)
SOmething tells me that a meeting with Jeremiah's parents is looming just over the horizon because what happens at home eventually makes it to school.
Little Jerry sounds like a good kid with a good head on his shoulders. Masturbation is healthy!
LMFAO!!!!
oh M-of-the-O's... i am soooo glad you stopped by. Your blog is a hoot... two hoots even.
If I were a lad in school in Tampa, I would definitely tell my teacher about my wacking off so that she would get the idea that I need some special tutoring.
If wea all the conviction of Jeremiah to write what we truly do in life, the world would be a better place.
And probably very sticky.
Rod,
I meet Jeremiah everyday and I know he's an honest little boy. I could never befriend Christ because as a boy, he did exactly what our Jeremiah does, but later as a grownup lied and never admitted his (normal) thoughts to the world.
Best wishes.
Shouldn't "masturbate more" be one of the choices?
Mimzie: Yes, masturbation IS healthy. Which is why I'm in the best shape of my life.
Indrani: wtf?!
You should believe me.
Imagine Christ as a little boy. He would have been no different from Jeremiah. But while one speaks the truth about his daily duties (Jeremiah i.e.) the other, never did. That's what I meant.
I think I just peed myself.
I don't know many second graders, but the ones I do know don't know about smacking their monkey around...at least that I know of.
I guess when my Little Stink is 7, I'll know for sure. Yikes.
wow....
I think I just stepped into the twilight zone...
that is the last time I read your comments!!
I just noticed that there's a word missing from the title of your blog (the part that's under Mental Poo) and it's freaking me out a little.
Candy:
What?
I'm going to set you up with Indrani and you can each confuse each other.
What word?!
Ah, he was just being honest. At least he didn't write, "Wack off, smoke crack, beat up my ma, kill kittens, make my bed."
Moooog, with the comments here, I'm wondering if it's a full friggin moon, buddy...
I'm all for self gratification, but a kid that young??? I didn't know what rubbin one off was til I was a lil older...
Then again, you're prolly right, it was an ooopsie and he meant wake up....
but if not...Espero que él lave las manos
Hey, MY wife ALSO teaches 2nd grade in a sub-par school.
Lots of ESL kids that probably wack off before, during and after class.
It's MINI MOOOGE!
's Day --that handout is a classic. I can't wait until Jeremia gets his hands on 's Favorite Websites and 's Dirty Secret Habits that His Mom Doesn't Know about or She'll Cry.
That was hilarious. www.thumbsuporpantsdown.com
I'm fairly certain that this is how my teenage son starts his day.
Ok, I have a 7 year old and I know for a fact he does NOT wack off and make his bed. At least...not in that order
Dang...is that why I'm in good shape? Woohoo! I can quit my job!
Maybe every morning when the kid wakes up, he asks his mom where his dad is and she says, "Oh, he's still in bed. He hasn't wacked off yet," and so he takes that as meaning "hasn't woken up yet."
See? Logical explanation for everything.
Except maybe your wacked comments.
That is hysterical!!! Are you sure he didn't me wack up? Wake off?
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